(Closed) Dad as best man = Problem

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

You absolutely do NOT tell your fiance that he can’t have his dad as the best man.  The decision on who to have as his best man is his and his alone.  Your father has no right to make demands about this.  It’s not a competition, but even if it was your father has the honor of walking you down the aisle and sharing a first dance with you.. why shouldn’t your FI’s father be honored as well?  If your father refuses to see the logic in this then you will have NO choice but to scale back your wedding and pay for it yourself.  I’m usually very supportive of allowing parents to have a say in the wedding planning when they are paying but this is just too far.

Post # 4
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

There are a few things here . . . has your Fiance already talked to his Dad because you can’t change that after the fact, that would just open up a whole other can of worms. I think your Dad is being a bit unreasonable after all it’s not his wedding but if he’s paying for it then it is his money so there’s not much you two can do. Ultimately you have to discuss this in depth with your Fiance. Why not have your Dad get ordained for the day and preform the ceremony so he is on the alter or find someway to include him as well that might be the easier fix, if he’s up there too he can’t complain.

Post # 5
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wow! If you are daddy’s girl then I think you need to talk to him and explain that this wedding is about you and your Fiance and hope that he can support you. Your Fiance should be able to chose whoever he wants as his best man and I think it’s awesome that he has such a great relationship with his dad. I have been to wedding where the father was the best man but the most important point is this is a your wedding, not your fathers. Hopefully you can have a heart to heart with him and have him come to his senses. He is not being left in the background at your wedding, he is hosting and get to walk you down the aisle and give you away. I wish the best of luck and hope that your father can see how hard he is making this wedding on you.

Post # 6
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

My husband had his dad as his best man and his father did the same thing.  I don’t think it’s that strange.

Post # 7
Member
1545 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

wow thats crazy. i agree that you shouldnt pick your Fiance best man but that is a bit strange. the Father-In-Law already has a role in the wedding father of the groom.

I think my dad would be upset too.

What if youre dad after he walked you down the aisle was one of the groomsman?

Post # 9
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Do you think your Future Father-In-Law would be offended if he weren’t asked? That might be your solution, if it’s not a big family tradition or anything. My Fiance considered asking his dad to be best man, but that’s because they are really close. If your Fiance is gonna ask for fear of causing offence if he doesn’t, then maybe there’s some wiggle room there.

Post # 10
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Your dad is totally overreacting!  I agree with Moose, only your Fiance can choose who his best man will be.  It is not uncommon for a dad to be a best man.  You should feel lucky to have found a man who values his relationship with his family and wants to honor his dad in this way.  You are either going to have to convince your dad it is OK, or scale back the wedding.

Post # 11
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My fiance was originally going to have his dad as his best man as well. So I don’t find it too strange. I can see your father’s p.o.v that he’s paying and your Future Father-In-Law is up there. Perhaps your fiance can ask your dad to be a groomsman?

Post # 12
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

Totally not strange.  My dad had my grandfather as his best man for his second wedding.

Honestly I would say “Thanks but no thanks” to your dads money.  Take a stand.  You are getting married…your FH will be numero uno. 

What if your Future Mother-In-Law was paying and you wanted your Mom to be your Maid/Matron of Honor and Future Mother-In-Law is saying what your dad is.  Would you want your Fiance to do what Future Mother-In-Law asks or would you want him to put you first?

Post # 14
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Yikes! Seems like you have some big issues here. I asked my dad how he’d feel if my Fiance had his dad be his best man, he actually surprised me and said he was glad that wasn’t happening b/c he’d be jealous. (He also said he didn’t think that was his dad’s place, but he had never heard of a dad as a best man before.) I think having a parent in the bridal party is like 50/50 some people think its perfectly acceptable and some people think its weird.

Post # 15
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Oh and I like your wedding date 🙂 Good Luck!

EDIT: OMG! and your location! When you get this all figured out we should talk!

Post # 16
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

Give up trying to make everyone else happy…you will run yourself ragged AND you won’t succeed.  Focus on you and Fiance…the only people you should be making happy.

You never know…threatening to go to the courthouse might just shut your dad up 😉

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