(Closed) Dad backed out on offer to pay

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Wow I totally get why you’re upset and I would be too, that was a crappy thing of your dad to do to you.  You told him you couldn’t afford it and you were okay with that and now he’s put you in a really bad position.  Is it possible for you to cancel and go with your original plan of eloping?

Post # 4
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

You should be far enough out from your wedding date to cancel the venue without losing your deposit. As for the STD’s – there are plenty of ways for you to still use the same date to do something like a celebration of marriage reception AFTER you guys get hitched (do the elopment like you wanted)!

I would be a mess of emotions if this happened to me…but you just need to make the best out of the situation now. Your father should have never promised something he couldn’t afford but to make him feel horrible about it probably won’t make either of you feel better. :-/

Post # 6
Member
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Have you spoken with you dad directly about this? From your post it sounds like he only spoke with your Fiance.

 

Post # 7
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

That sucks. I understand why you’d be upset. Maybe something happened with him financially that he can no longer help. Or maybe he said he’d help without ever really being able to.

I agree with MsMindle. You should be far enough away that you can cancel and possibly get your deposit back.

 

Post # 8
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

If you’re still up for it I’d try to elope if I were you. Cancel what you can and try to get your deposits back if possible. Tell your dad that you’ll be going back to eloping since you can’t afford the wedding without his help. Let him be upset. It’s pretty awful for him to set you up like that financially just so he could have “his” wedding. I know you’re upset and I’m sorry this happened. But I think you can still have a wonderful ceremony when and if you elope. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I know how you feel.  We just found out (3 months before the wedding) that FI’s dad isn’t giving us the $5000 they promised us for our wedding.   Talk about cutting stuff out of our budget!  phew!  We will basically just be making it by the time our wedding rolls around..  

I try to not get upset about it.  Because that doesnt help me pay for things any faster, just gets me worked up. sometimes taking the loss is better than having to pay that extra $5000 (you said your budget was 6 right?)

Post # 10
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

the exact same thing happened to me…. i feel for you!

Post # 11
Member
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Does he have a history of this type of behavior?  Did he offer when he was intoxicated?  I’m trying to understand this because from the outside it appears awfully manipulative at the worst and incredibly short sided at best.  Sorry honey, that completely sucks.  People are so weird sometimes!  If it were me, because I loathe being manipulated and lied to, I would pretend like my faince didn’t tell me and I would ask my father for a check to cover _____ expenses and see what happens.  He’s obviously scared to tell you but he’s an adult and should tell you directly, not leave the responsiblity on your fiance…so unfair.

Post # 12
Member
11270 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

that’s not very nice but then again, things do happen.  perhaps he was sincere when he offered initially but has had a financial set back that you are unaware of.  then again, maybe it was just lip service.

sorry you are going through this.  i hope you get the wedding you want.  there are always ways to cut back here and there so i’m sure you will be able to work this out.

Post # 13
Member
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Keep the dresses and keep the venue and keep the plans, but downsize the guest list a lot. That way you won’t lose your deposits but can still get married. You can do a big vow renewal when you guys can afford it someday.

Post # 15
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I can understand your frustration, but you also have to remember how your dad is likely feeling right now– it can’t be a good feeling to have to tell your future son-in-law that you can’t stick to your word and help the way you wanted to.  

It was a bummer, but a similar thing happened with my mom– when we first got engaged she was super adament that she wanted to do for us the same thing she did for my 2 older siblings $3,000 cash and 1/2 the rehearsal dinner.  Well, now here we are planning the wedding and my mom is in the middle of filing bankrupsy. She feels terrible about it because she wants to do what she said she was going it, but it’s just not in the cards for her anymore. 

Even though you’ve already put the deposits down, you can still always downsize/scale down parts of the wedding/honeymoon– it sucks, but you don’t have much else for options at the moment. 

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