(Closed) Dad bringing his mistress to my wedding! How to make my mom feel ok? HELP!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 18
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@TexasTheta90:  How is your relationship with this woman? If you aren’t really close I don’t see why you can’t ask your dad to come alone. It is your wedding after all, and your parents are the people who shaped you into who you are and are important to you. Surely your dad can try to understand that you don’t want to make your mum uncomfortable, and that it is important for just the two of them (your mum and dad) to be present as your parents?

I personally would not have this woman there, but obviously I don’t know your family and your relationships with them – so good luck and I hope you can work it out somehow.

Post # 19
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee

I also would not invite her to the wedding, especially since (from what you say) she probably wouldn’t have the grace to not show up to make things less awkward.

Are you close to your father?  Because I probably wouldn’t invite him either.  But if you have something of a positive relationship with him, I’d tell him insistently that his wife is not invited/not welcome at the wedding.  If he gets angry and threatens not to attend…so be it!

Post # 20
Member
2055 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think people telling you not to invite her are wrong…honestly, she’s your dads wife! 

 

Thats going to cause a lot of issues down the road. My stepmom is exactly the same way (dresses too sexy) and my mom just rolls her eyes at her. Unless your mother is very emotionally frail she’s going to be okay. She will be focused on you not your step mom. 

 

Post # 21
Member
2777 posts
Sugar bee

@TexasTheta90:  if she dresses inappropriately, there’s nothing you can do and she will just make herself look stupid. Your mom is a grown up and she can handle this situation. I would think she’s be more upset with her ex husband than the woman he choose to sleep with..

Post # 22
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t care if she was his wife or not, I’d make damn sure she wasn’t at my wedding.

Post # 23
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

How long has it been since your parents divorced? I think that is an important detail. Either way I do think you are right and she should be invited. As far as how to handle your mom, I think PP gave lots of great ideas to make her feel special with lots of attention through out the day.

Post # 24
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Like on of the PP’s said. Keep your mom busy with you and she won’t have time to care. Everyone likely knows who is your mother and your dad’s new wife has no way of stealing that spotlight. She will likely make herself look silly if she wears inappropriate clothing and people wont tag that on you but her. I wouldn’t worry about this so much. Just make your mom feel special on that day by including her in a lot of time with you.

It will be ok ๐Ÿ™‚ Don’t stress out so much. You can’t control other people.

Post # 25
Member
1521 posts
Bumble bee

@TexasTheta90:  honestly I wouldn’t invite her and explain why to your father. she might be his wife now but that doesn’t mean she has an ordained right to be included in your family. It’s not fair to your mom and no matter what she will be hurt and uncomfortable. She won’t be able to fully indulge herself in your big day bcz of it. Your moms feelings are of the utmost importance. I’d want her to be 100% comfortable. 

Post # 26
Member
1637 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@TexasTheta90:  Also, for family photos, have one taken with just you and your parents, and then one with you and your father only. Then, let her be in one with you and your father. That way everyone is appeased.

Post # 30
Member
6107 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@TexasTheta90:  “I am leaning towards telling her, she is very beautiful ( bc i have to stroke her ego or my dad will yell at me for making her feel bad”

I cringed while reading that. If my dad ever had the balls to yell at me for not kissing his wife’s ass, I would kick him in said balls. Geez, the nerve of some people. I mean, damn, I refuse to apologize to my step-mother (who I don’t mind) because she *thinks* I looked at her “funny” 4 years ago.

Post # 31
Member
9135 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@TexasTheta90:  I wouldn’t worry about her stealing the spotlight if that is how she acts.  Her (and your dad unfortunately) will be showing off how tacky and unclassy she really is as well as what a cliche your dad is for marrying her.  I would worry more about making sure that your mom looks super classy at your wedding so that everyone will be well aware of the contrast.

As for seating, make sure mom and dad are at separate tables and I would also plan to separate them by a few tables just to be safe.  As for pictures, you have to take a few obligatory photos with her but I would also make sure the photographer insists on taking a few of just your dad with you and your groom (make sure to get the photographer to do this so if she gets pissy about it you can blame the photographer.)

Other than that, I would avoid her as much as possible so as not to cause a scene or give her any ammunition or reason to try to interfere with your wedding.  Using scare tactics may backfire and cause her to act even more inappropriately so she can get back at you.  Also, assign someone to monitor your mother so the two of them stay away from each all night and there are no scenes.  Again, make sure to reinforce the idea that your mom is the classy ex-wife and your dad’s new wife is a trashy trophy wife.  That will speak volumes to your guests and make the new wife out to be the bad guy.  If you’re mean to her, she may come off as the victim so you should just let her self destruct on her own.

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