(Closed) Dad bringing his mistress to my wedding! How to make my mom feel ok? HELP!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 62
Member
2564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@TexasTheta90:  Who is telling you you need to invite her?  Yes, “married, engaged or living together” blah blah blah.  Etiquette is what is recommended to be polite, it is not the be all end all.  Yes, it is polite to invite married spouses.  But you know what else is polite?  Not fucking another person while you’re still married.  If they had each divorced their partners before starting a relationship together, maybe it would be a little more grey area.  But the way things went down, you don’t owe this woman anything and she is not entitled to anything from you just because your dad married her.

If your father cannot recognize that there is still a lot of hurt and resentment towards what happened, and that his new wise is trying to turn him against his own daughters that is on him and not you.

Post # 63
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

@TexasTheta90:  oh good lord! that woman sounds like a nightmare!  similar here, any time my sister and i have been in a bind ( we never ask for money, we paid for our own schooling and have been financially independent since we left home) she gives my dad a hard time about “why” he is giving us money, yet she has no problem taking his money ( she barely works, does housekeeping at a motel, he makes great money as a mechanic in a mine, and is away from home three weeks at a time) and giving it to her three daughters, who are all married with kids! she even took their extra vehicle and gave it to her parents, since they too are gamblers and had no money to get a car! she is just so selfish, and spends like it grows on trees, but all of a sudden, they are “tight” with money when my sister or i have needed it in the past.

i have my dad on fb, but i so badly want to remove him because they share his fb account, so i know it’s mostly her just looking through my stuff and that makes me want to barf! so i blocked his account from seeing any of my posts, that way i don’t get questions as to why i “unfriended” him…lol. 

it’s sad that we sometimes have to play games, when really, we aren’t the ones who caused the initial problem!  the way i see it, our dads and their wives should be kissing our butts, trying to get on our good side, and they seem to be doing the opposite! 

 

we try to make light of the fact that no one likes “the wife”…her name is Rose….so we call her GRose (said kinda like the word “Gross”) and i realize that is immature as hell, but it makes everyone feel better , and i am still very polite and civil to her face, as i want my visits with dad to be pleasant.

 

you should just buy her a dress, and then “gift” it to her! that way it makes it seem like you are wanting to make her feel special, when really, it’s just because it’s a modest dress that won’t  outshine the whole crowd! maybe throw in something for dad too to make it not seem obvious that you are only trying to dress her ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 64
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

 i wouldn’t go so far as to give her flowers… that is completely unnecessary i think….

Post # 65
Member
1637 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@TexasTheta90:  I would nip that in the bud by thanking your Fiance in your wedding speech for helping you pay for the wedding!

Forgive me for being nosy, but does she still keep in contact with her biological children?

Post # 66
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@TexasTheta90:  Yeah, it would be so much easier just not to have them there at all as there is no guarantee that she would leave after the meal. I think that weddings are supposed to spent with those who have supported you and love you and who are going to make your day a happy one.

Post # 69
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

@TexasTheta90:  lmao! i almost fell off my chair when i read “muffy”….sounds like it is a fitting name for her! like some froo-froo, high-maintenance dog…. :P…got to be able to make light of something that upsets us, i think as long as we are not being malicious and nasty to her, it’s a great way of helping cope with a shitty situation. 

 

 

 

I am sorry you have to deal with this woman, i’d be upset too, especially when you two are not close, and she does not appear to have made any effort to even be kind to you! same here, no effort, yet our dads think we should just automatically love them cause they married these people? sorry, not the way it works!  but, we can be the bigger people, even though sometimes it sucks! 

 

i think what truly matters are your mom’s feelings, and yours of course! dad made his choice, you are free to make yours!

Post # 70
Member
7683 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@beachbride1216: agreed + 10000%

 

Can you take your mom shopping to find the prettiest, classiest dress, take her to get her hair and make-up done?  Agree with keeping her with you while you get ready ๐Ÿ™‚  At the ceremony & reception, keep them seperated.  At the reception, have her surrounded by people who support her.  (Have your mom’s family members & best friend sneer at the “mistress”) and give her the most pathetic of your flowers, jk-partially, lol. ;/

 

Let sleazy wife #2 self-destruct on her own.  

 

Post # 71
Member
697 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Hold up, just yesterday you were posting that your thought your Fiance might be cheating on you. I think you have to fix that issue first.

And no way would she be at my wedding. I didn’t invite anyone with whom I had no relationship.

Post # 72
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

i was kinda on the fence til i read

he has basically told us he loves her more than his own daughters”

ideal,let them plan a nice day out together instead of coming to your wedding!!!

Post # 73
Member
3456 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@TexasTheta90:  “I don’t want daddy issue’s ” 

You already have Daddy issues, hon. And they will only get worse if you allow him and/or his wife to attend your wedding. Just throwing that out there. 

Post # 75
Member
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@TexasTheta90:  Just a small point…plurals don’t need apostrophes.  ๐Ÿ™‚

@stronger-now1 quoted you saying he has basically told us he loves her more than his own daughters”

As @Overjoyed said, if he really said the above, you’ve already got issues with your father.  And they will get worse if you let him and his wife walk all over you. 

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