(Closed) Dad controlling my dowry

posted 7 years ago in Muslim
Post # 3
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

god i wish i had a dowry. 

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

@al1988: because im not educated on the subject i assumed that your father is providing a dowry to the grooms family, is this correct or is it the grooms family that provides it? 

Post # 7
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

I don’t think most people have dowry’s.  Trust funds, yes, but not dowry’s.

Post # 9
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@al1988:

That sucks. Your father must be very traditional. I guess just talk to your dad about it, and let him know why you think a large amount is unnecessary, ex: given the day and age we are currently living in, whatever your reason might be.

Post # 10
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@al1988:  Well if your father wants it to be large there must be a reason.  Talk it over with him and find out the underlying reason.  Can’t be much more help – I don’t know much about Islam. Frown

Post # 11
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

No In Islam, the groom presents a gift to the bride, what ever the bride wants,

really (and thank you for explaining), i assumed it the other way to be honest so nice to hear there is some balance in the system!  i understand honoring customs and some tradtions but i hope hes not being too outrageous about this – i hope one of the other ladies have an answer for you

 

Post # 12
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

well- if you are doing joint finances after the wedding, you can have him present whatever astronomical sum he wants, since it’ll go right back into the communal pot once you say “i do”!

Post # 14
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@al1988: I agree with @Mrs. Meowerson:. If you’re planning on buying a house/apartment after the wedding, maybe have the funds earmarked for that. : )

Post # 15
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

I would say talk to your Fiance about what he can afford and possibly talk to your father and try to gauge what “large” means to him.

Post # 16
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I also think that if the money will be yours, then it doesn’t matter how much you receive, since you will be sharing it with your husband anyway.

I understand that a dowry used to be a “safety net”…but in today’s day and age women are usually earning their own wage.

 

I’m also marrying a muslim, but since he has no family here I don’t have to deal with any of this. YAY!

Congratulations on your upcoming marriage!

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