(Closed) Dad diagnosed with Stage 4 Cancer – Speed Wedding up?

posted 5 years ago in Traditions
Post # 16
1441 posts
Bumble bee

Do it now.  Don’t delay the wedding and all day long be thinking “I wish Dad could have walked me down the aisle.”

Post # 17
18 posts
  • Wedding: July 2016

I am so so sorry you are going through this. I lost my Dad to lung cancer in 2012.  And I’m getting married this July.  I would do anything to have him be at the wedding.  Now I’m just wrapping his tie around my bouquet to “walk” down the aisle with me.  The bouquet will be new, the tie is old and borrowed, and the whole thing makes me a little blue.  <3

Post # 18
1052 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m getting misty-eyed just reading this post and all the responses. Speed up the wedding. Not only does this sound like what YOU want, but also what HE wants. I am 1000% sure your Fiance would feel worse if he thought you were giving up the chance to have your dad at the wedding for a fancier celebration.

Post # 19
255 posts
Helper bee

wow!  100% speed your wedding up, I’m sure it will turn out better than you expect 

Post # 20
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Cancer sucks and I’m sorry your family is dealing with this. You’re getting a lot of good advice here.

Post # 22
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I agree with all fellow bees. Weddings are about love, commitment, family and friends. Dresses, flowers, venues etc. are not. Not to say having a beautiful wedding isn’t a nice thing to have, but given the opportunity for you to celebrate this major milestone in your life with your dad is so precious. I think too for your dad if his long term prognosis is not good quality of life is so important. It sounds like this includes your big day. What a loving gift you can share with each other. There is always time for a big party another time.  You’ll never regret the time spent with a loved one especially if that time is more finite than before. All my best wishes for you Bee. I hope you have a love filled celebration that will be just the most perfect for you, Fiance, your dad and families. 

Post # 23
1452 posts
Bumble bee

Do whatever it takes to get your dad there. Even if its just your immediate families, you will never regret him being there.

Post # 24
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

It looks like I’m echoing all the bee’s here but I cannot imagine my wedding without my father. I would get married on a tuesday at 9am to have him there.

I think even a small wedding with your immediate family can work and I bet youd be surprised on how vendors could work with you to make something happen asap. 

So sorry about your dad bee. Sending you hugs and as much good vibes as possible.  

Post # 25
3170 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
futuremrshorner:  I’m sorry for what you and your family are going through right now. 🙁 Personally, I would ditch the trappings of a traditional wedding so my dad could see me get married and walk me down the aisle before he passed away. I think if your Fiance loves you, as I’m sure he does, he’ll understand why it has to be this way.

Post # 26
22 posts

Do it ASAP! You will regret it later if you dont, and it will be somthing you will always remember. My dad had stage 4 tonsil cancer and has been in remission for 15 years. I know that when he got diagnosed he wrote my sister and I letters just in case he wasn’t there for our weddings. This is somthing dads think about for their daughters all their life. Now that I am engaged just the thought of if my dad wasnt here to walk me down the isle brings tears to my eyes (crying as I type). I am so sorry that this has happened. I would truly hope your fiance would understand how important this is for you and your father.

Post # 27
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

This is a really delicate situation and there is no right or wrong answer. If it were me, I would speed up the wedding so my dad could walk me down.

However, to add a different perspective, I have a close friend whose Future Father-In-Law was diagnosed with terminal cancer shortly after they got engaged, and they wound up choosing to delay the wedding until about 6 months after he passed rather than rush it. The main reason was that my friend’s Future Mother-In-Law couldn’t handle planning a happy event like a wedding while her husband was dying. But also, Future Father-In-Law had met my friend many times and gave them his blessing. He didn’t feel he had to be there to witness the actual event. So out of respect for Future Mother-In-Law, they agreed to delay the wedding rather than throw something togethe really fast. I think they got a fair amount of judgement for that decision but IMO it’s really no one’s business but the couple getting married and the family that is affected by the illness.

Post # 28
4393 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

This is terrible news. I am very sorry.

i would do anything in my power to have the wedding much sooner so my dad could walk me down the aisle. I hope you decide to do the same. Especially since he made that comment…

Post # 29
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m going to echo what the other posters on here have written and say definitely do whatever it takes to ensure that your dad can be there to walk you down the aisle. Maybe you could do a small ceremony with your closest family and friends and a casual reception afterwards. I don’t think it’s asking too much of your Fiance. If he truly loves you, he will understand the importance of having the wedding ASAP. If you are concerned that by speeding things up you will miss out on too much, keep in mind that you can always plan a fancy vow renewal at a later date. 

I’m so very sorry, bee. I can’t imagine what you must be going through..my thoughts are with you. 

Post # 30
534 posts
Busy bee

I would be getting married in my living room the next weekend. I am sure your Fiance will understand. You can always have a big reception later. Everyone loves a good party.

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