(Closed) Dad doesn't want to be in a photo with Mom

posted 5 years ago in Photos/Videos
Post # 3
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’d give him the option. It sounds like he regrets the last time. It may actually give him a chance to feel like he’s making amends. I’m betting he doesn’t want to hurt his wife’s feelings. 

Post # 4
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

If he refuses, just roll with it.

My parents didn’t do photos together at my wedding. It didn’t matter. I have two photos displayed. It’s worth it to not raise a fuss – just do two 4×6 or 5×7 photos in a cute frame and be done with it! 🙂

Post # 5
3256 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@memo:  Use the following phrase on anyone who bitches about this request:

“Suck it up, princess.”

Post # 6
1733 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

When you get to the point of actually putting a shot list and day-of schedule together, have a conversation with your dad about how the whole day is going to run. In the course of talking about when the pictures are going to happen, ask him. “OK, we’re going to do a big family one, and then you and your wife, and then how would you feel about doing one with Mom?”

Keep your tone very neutral, and (IMO) go with whatever he and your mom are comfortable with. If he isn’t comfortable with it, you’re going to create a lot of tension by pushing, and if you successfully push and he doesn’t want to, you’re going to think of the awkwardness when you look at that picture, rather than whatever else you want that photo to symbolize.

It seems that you’ll be sad if you can’t get a formal shot of them together, but you will also be sad if you are revisiting in depth all this emotional terrain of your parents’ divorce right before and/or during YOUR wedding. I mean, I guess it’s also kind of natural for you to do so, too (big life events bringing up thoughts of the past andf future, specifically related to marriage), but if this is pertinent, you want to process those feelings up front, rather than channeling that stuff into the question of who is in what photo.

I’m hoping, of course, that your dad can be cool with it this time around and just take the 15-sec photo because it’ll make you happy. But if he’s not there yet, I would reconcile yourself to separate photos.


Post # 7
5660 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@memo:  I actually agree with your dad. Taking a big happy family photo with you in the middle isn’t an accurate representation of that your family is now, and it doesn’t sound like it has been for quite awhile. You’re entitled to your thoughts and feelings of course I just tend to agree with him more. My parents have been divorced for more than half my life, so to me I have multiple families. I have a family with my mom and brother, I have one with my dad and step family. I now eat to have one with my in laws. Obviously forcing a family photo is going to cause issues. Think about what your family really is And commemorate your day in a way that truly represents you and your husband and everyone that loves you. 

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