(Closed) Dad has an abusive wife

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@blessedwithlove: Welcome to the bee! I don’t really have any advice, but I am so sorry your dad and your family are going through this. It’s a tough situation. I think it will only change when your dad is finally able to stand up for himself. But that can take a while.

This reminds me a lot of my grandfather. His wife (not my real grandma) is an awful person. She keeps him from seeing our side of the family, doesn’t let us come to their house, and acts like her two daughters are the only children he has. (They’re not even his kids – they’re from her first marriage.) He tried to leave her and she threatened to kill herself. So he is stuck and miserable with her. I don’t really want her at my wedding, but I know for a fact that my grandpa will not come if she isn’t invited. It would not be worth the months of arguing and drama she would cause for him if he were to come without her.

It might be best to just invite the wife. It may be the only way your dad will be able to attend your wedding. Although, who knows? Maybe the possibility of missing his daughter’s wedding will be the wake-up call he needs to stand up to her.

I hope the situation gets better for you. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Ugh, My dad has an abusive girlfriend, too. I don’t have any advice, but just wanted to say good luck, and I hope your dad gets out of the relationship. I know it’s really hard to watch loved ones in an unhappy relationship. 

Post # 5
Member
8430 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Sorry this is going to be harsh-

Your dad is in a very bad situation which is probably causing him distress and now his daughter is adding to this stress by making him chose between his wife and his daughter. I think you are being unfair to your father. It is his relationship and it is his and only his choice to leave it. All you can do if be supportive of him whatever choice he makes.

Invite his wife.

Post # 6
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with j_jaye.

Abusers look for control over all else.  Your not inviting her adds fuel to her fire and gives her more reason ‘not’ to allow your father to attend.  You say you want him to stand up for himself, but he might not be ready to do so.  He needs your support right now.  I know you don’t like his wife, but including her is likely the only way he will attend.

Post # 7
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Ask your dad how he would feel if your Fiance forbid you from seeing him maybe?  Maybe that will make him realise it’s not right for her to do that to him.  He should be allowed to see his daughter even without her, they aren’t joined at the hip!  And she’s not your mom, so I don’t see why you have to invite her. 

Post # 8
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If the wife was not abusive, presumably she would be invited since she is his father’s wife. 

I would be very careful, OP.  Abusers are super manipulative, and if this woman is not included, she might try to forbid your father to see you all together.

Post # 10
Member
8430 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think it can only ruin your day if you let. My cousin sat her father (who she doesn’t have a good relationship with) on a table with other family friends rather than the family table so as to lessen the tension. Personally I don’t remember seeing anyone but my Fiance and the minister at my ceremony- we even had strangers at the ceremony because we got married in a public place and I didn’t even notice them until I got the photos back and said to mum who is that?.

If step mum makes drama at the wedding just line someone up to step in and shut it down with a swift reminder that the day is about your marriage and not any other family stuff.

I guess I am an optimist in that I think that adults will behave like adults in situations like this. And if they do not it only reflects badly on them.

And to answer your question- I think a wedding is about celebrating not only the couples joining but also family. But everyone has their own ideas.

The topic ‘Dad has an abusive wife’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors