(Closed) Dad hates visiting

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Do you have any brothers or sisters? You could ask them if he’s the same with them. Maybe he’s just uncomfortable in social situations.

Post # 4
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@paula1248:  I agree. Is he like that in other situations too? Does he act the same way around your siblings, or his friends when he’s visiting them? How does he act if you visit him – does he seem to be watching the clock, or is he more comfortable in his own place?

It’s possible that he feels like he’s intruding by visiting you in your own turf, so I would try not to take it personally.

Post # 7
Member
1010 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@littleG:  He may have anxiety about leaving home. My dad hates visiting others, usually spends his time smoking outside and talking to others that go out there. He’ll stay for a meal normally, but it’s always back home to ‘catch the race/ball game’ or whatever he wants to see on TV. Does your dad have Social Anxiety Disorder? It could explain why he’s more comfortable being at home rather than ‘outside’ in a social setting.

Post # 8
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@littleG:  He sounds a little like my Future Father-In-Law. He’s happy to visit people and can spend hours at a friend’s house with no “rush” to leave, but when he comes to our house, he usually only stays for about half an hour (he lives 45 minutes away, so he’s driving for way more time than he’s visiting us).

We’re not certain why this is. Our current theory is because Future Father-In-Law used to be quite controlling over fiance, and very particular how fiance lived his life, so chances are he doesn’t like visiting because fiance is now further out of his control and the fact we have our own house that we control and that we choose what happens in that house.

Post # 9
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@littleG:

I would be like “I know your lying.  Why are you lying? We want to do what we can to make you comfy in our our home so start talking.”  I wouldn’t leave until he started talking and if he didn’t than I’d tell him we aren’t coming over until he tells us.

Post # 11
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It was this way a long time for me too. We lived together before we got married, and I think that had something to do with it. Over time, he has stayed longer…but for a few years he would never come over. Last year he stayed 3 whole days! I chalk it up to the fact that he is more comfortable in his home when he is in charge etc. It’s so hard not to take it personally, and frustrating that there is no equality on him coming to your place. I feel ya, but don’t think there is a quick fix….maybe time will heal?

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