Post # 1
Gang, I am at a loss here. My fiance wants to wear a suit to our wedding, which I’m fine with. We’re getting married outside and the vibe is not going to be too formal (bridesmaids will wear short dresses). My dad is dumbfounded that my fiance doesn’t want to wear a tux. I guess in the circle my parents are in, groom & co always wear tuxes to weddings and it’s scandalous that someone wouldn’t. My dad is really judging my fiance for this decision; he actually implied that wearing a suit means my fiance doesn’t take the wedding seriously or it’s not that important to him. Which is ridiculous!
So a few days ago we had a rather tense discussion about this, and it ended with my dad saying “well I don’t know what others will wear, but I can tell you, I will be wearing my tux.” And I’m like, “can we talk about this later? I think it will look really strange if you wear a tux and the groom is wearing a suit.” Then my dad got angry that I would dictate what HE wears, while not dictating what the groom wears.
Part of me wants to be like, fine, wear the tux, you will look silly but if it’s that important to you, go for it. Like I don’t know if this is the hill I want to die on. I have so many other things to worry about with this wedding–what people wear just really has never been that high on my list of priorities. On the other hand, it really makes me angry that my dad is being so stubborn about this and that he’s being so judgmental towards my fiance.
Any thoughts, bees?
Post # 2
My bff’s husband and groomsmen all wore suits to their wedding, her dad wore a tux, I didn’t even notice except that she told me before hand he was wearing one.
honestly it doesn’t make that big a difference, let him wear a tux to his daughters wedding but remind him the bridal party’s choice of clothing is a decision you and your fi have made together and you are happy with it
Post # 3
Thanks – this actually makes me feel better. I think you’re probably right. If he really wants to wear it, I’m not gonna stop him. It’s more the judgy comments about my fiance that got to me.
Post # 4
I agree it’ll look silly in the photos. I’m facing the opposite problem as my Future Father-In-Law refuses to wear formal attire and will be wearing his old ill-fitting suit.
It’s annoying but I’m letting it go.
Post # 5
Tuxedos are for formal occasions after dark and you should only dress as formal as the hosts, never more so. Tell your dad this, but if he still insists then let him. It’s harmless really, and he’ll be happy. Your photos will be fine, he’ll probably look quite sweet.
Post # 6
More typically, all the men in our wedding party wore “morning coats and formal pants” and my dad categorically refused to do so, saying that I’d bought him his “good suit” (which I had), and that meant more to him than wearing a “monkey suit”.
No one noticedthen, and no one will notice now.
Save the “battles” for something important!
Post # 7
My dad actually is the host, as he’s paying for the wedding. So I guess it’s okay then for him to wear a tux. I guess I’m just sensitive about it because I don’t want it to look like he’s upstaging the groom. Though I do not think my fiance will care or probably even notice lol.
Post # 8
my dad was the only person wearing a tux at my outdoor garden wedding. Groom was in light grey suit. He was proud of his daughters wedding day and wanted to wear it- I thought that was so sweet. I loved it. Please dont boss your dad around and let the man wear a tux! It’s not weird looking at all- it’s always appropriate to wear a tux to a formal wedding, even if it’s not black tie. (That why people say “black tie optional” isn’t really a thing- black tie is always an option.)
Tell him he can wear what he wants and your Fiance will be dressing himself as well. This is not something to cause a lot of drama over. It’s not rude for him to wear it and it won’t look weird- he’s the father of the bride.
Post # 9
He’s a grown man who can dress himself… Let it go.
Post # 10
Lol…if anything my dad is bossing ME around with this wedding, not the reverse. I’m not gonna forbid him from wearing a tux…I just thought it was kind of strange that someone would be dressed more formally than the groom. But these responses are definitely making me feel better about it all. I agree that it’s not a huge deal in the scheme of things and as I said originally, not the hill I want to die on.
And I do think he’s just proud of me and excited for the day, which is behind the motivation to wear the tux. If that were all it was and he hadn’t made these snide implications about the significance of my fiance NOT wearing a tux, I don’t think I would have an issue…it’s the combo of it all that has me kind of stressed out.
Post # 11
Who cares? You are way overthinking this. Just let the man wear his tux if that’s what he feels comfortable doing. No one will notice or even care, I’m sure.
Post # 12
Let him wear the tux!! It will be like his party piece- maybe everyone will think you’ve hired a magician 😁
Post # 13
He sounds like a bit of a control freak. He’s making rude comments about your fiance and worrying about what he’s wearing rather than you being happy. I would let it go so that you can focus on your fiance and being happy.
Post # 14
I probably am overthinking it. I am glad forums like this exist for people to air the things they are potentially overthinking about their weddings to unbiased people that are also planning weddings.
I guess I wasn’t clear in my original post, but the issue is not just a superficial worry about him wearing a tux and upstaging the groom. I’m not too uptight about what people wear to my wedding in general…BM’s are picking their own dresses, grooms can show up in mismatched suits, I don’t care. What’s troubling me, if I’m really honest, is my dad judging my fiance for not wearng a tux. It’s almost like, part of what’s driving my dad to wear the tux is to show my fiance and everyone else how it *really* should be done in a wedding.
Probably overthinking it, but there are a lot of other cultural tensions going on at this wedding that I won’t air here…so every little issue that comes up about this wedding has just been loaded with deeper significance and angst.
I appreciate everyone’s input! I’m not gonna say another word to my dad about the tux issue, but will stand firm that the groom can pick his own attire.
Post # 15
It sounds like your dad is just really old school. From the way he was raised, it’s disrespectful for your Fiance not to dress to the nines for an occasion like this. Its kind of like how people used to really dress up for church and now people just go in jeans and ratty clothes (depending on where you live of course). I know my dad is from a very different generation than mine and is used to traditions which arent always followed anymore. At any rate, your dad will look great in his tux.