(Closed) Dad interfering with home-buying process! (need opinions)

posted 6 years ago in Home
Post # 3
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You’re right that what he wants to do is NOT okay. I would call him and tell him no, that there is currently someone living in the home and while you appreciate his experience and willingness to help you guys out, neither of you can jsut be showing up at the home to inspect various aspects of it. If he tries to argue, saying that you need to be careful or you should be able to look as much as you want at whatever because it’s a lot of money, whatever, just say no and that you’re not comfortable with it. Repeat as often as necessary.

I feel your pain, my Future Mother-In-Law went and peeked in the windows of a house we were considering putting an offer in on – yes, while people were living there. And after that she didn’t get to hear anything else about our house hunt until we had closed on our current home!

Post # 4
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

He is overstepping his bounds somewhat… But on the other hand, free masonry inspection?! I’d be all about that! There’s probably nothing wrong but it’s really smart to get as much as possible inspected. If there is something wrong and you don’t catch it, it suddenly becomes your foundation or whatever problem. We would have done a bunch of specialized inspections if we could afford it, so I would try to take him up on it.

As for the realtor, that’s her job and the reason she’s getting paid a fairly ridiculous amount of money. As for the seller, they’re trying to sell a house so they pretty much have to jump through all these hoops. I wouldn’t worry about either of them – you’re potentially laying down hundreds of thousands of dollars so you get the right to be picky and demanding…

Post # 5
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I agree he’s being a pain in your ass.  HOWEVER, that kind of expertise and information BEFORE you purchase a home is a blessing for sure.  A comprehensive home inspection is so important, and will help you decide if this is the home for you.  The realtor and the seller will need to do whatever you want (within reason) if they want to sell the house.  And in this market, they should.

Post # 6
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I agree that he shouldn’t just think he can rock up to the house, but I think he is just helping you out. He wants to get a head-start and see what needs fixing up, although maybe you should ask him to wait till your offer is accepted before planning stuff like that! 

I think it is really sweet of him and a great idea to make sure any house you want to buy has been approved by someone who knows what they are doing!

Post # 7
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

He is only overstepping only if you dont want him to help. He is your father and wants to help.

If you dont want that help you simply have to say “Dad, thanks for the offer, but the first inspection was enough for this step in the process. When we put the offer in we would love for you to come by the house to come look at it again.”


Post # 8
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

I think he’s a Dad looking out for his daughter and potentially saving her thousands of dollars and lots of headaches. He isn’t just randomly showing up, but is asking you if you mind…and why would you? The realtor doesn’t have to be there, and I think she can notify the other agent and seller and ask their permission. I would think they wouldn’t object if they have nothing to hide.

Everyone should be so lucky to have someone ‘in the know’ when they’re buying a house.

Post # 9
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think it’s great that he’s involved and willing to get you all these free inspections.  He wants you to have a solid house.  As long as he’s asking you first and telling you that he’d like to do this for you….and not like randomly showing up without letting the current owner know……I think it’s fine

Post # 10
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think it’s nice he cares so much! You shouldn’t feel bad having your real estate agent arrange for him to go over, that’s her job. Maybe you can have him wait until you see if the offer is accepted or not, because then you’ll be in contingency and there is time to have him look while still being able to back out. 

Post # 11
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Slightly annoying but he’s doing out of love and I would take him up on his offer. Some homeowners end up paying lots more in repairs for things that were not caught through poor inspection. Anything involving your foundation, roof or plumbing is worth going over with a fine tooth comb. Don’t worry about your real estate agent that is part of her job and what she is being paid for. I would not worry too much about the elderly man living there. A site inspection is just a minor inconvenience anyway and he should be able to go about his daily business without any interference.

Post # 12
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I see two sides to this. One, you don’t want to be beaten to an offer by someone else because your dad has to check out every single aspect of the house. Depending on how hot the housing market is where you are, a house priced fairly for its’ condition can be snapped up in the matter of days (something my husband and I ran into multiple times).

On the other hand, the assistance he is giving you is really valuable and may be able to help you craft a better offer for the house or decide to walk away before you have to spend the money on an inspection ($400-500 in my area). 

My brother works in construction as well as being a licensed inspector for both real estate and for new construction. When my husband and I started looking at houses, we called my brother and I wrote down two pages of notes about what to look for that might be problems in a house (moisture issues in the basement, looking at the grading, conditions of the shingles, block or poured foundation and foundation cracks, age of furnace and water heater, etc.). It took a long time to find our house and we rejected tons of homes due to finding issues that we knew would be expensive to correct (such as shifted or cracked foundations). After putting in a bid, we hired a local inspector (since my brother lives far away and we wanted to make sure our inspector was familiar with the area) and the man was almost doing cartwheels down the driveway by the end because he was so impressed with the condition of the house and how well it had been built. My brother’s expertise was really valuable to our process and I was extremely grateful.

Maybe you could ask your dad what his specific concerns are about the masonry. If you’re not too concerned, just make sure your contract is well written to include contingencies for anything that may be found in the inspection and you may want to offer to your father (if you feel comfortable) that he could be present during the inspection so he can ask questions. Just remember that it’s cheaper and easier to walk away now than once you’re under contract (even with an inspection contingency). $400-500 an inspection really adds up if you have to do it for multiple houses.

Post # 13
6582 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d be all over it. My dad was a huge part of our home-buying experience. We bought our house every bit of 4 years before we were engaged, and spent at least 2 years before that house hunting. Darling Husband (BF at the time) travels a ton for work, and is often out of town….and out of the country. My dad toured every house that we were interested in. In his adult life he’s had built least 4 houses (personal, to live in), his shop for his business, and various other construction projects around his home(s). We’d never bought or built a home, and felt that his experience was valuable. 

I can see how you feel he might be overstepping, but home ownership and buying is expensive, and I’d be grateful that you’re getting home inspections for free. Personally, I’d just tell him “dad, we really appreciate everything you’re doing. We’re so grateful that you’re invested in this, but we have to schedule any inspections at one time. The house currently has someone living in it, and we can’t just go over whenever.”

Post # 15
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Congrats, that is so exciting! I know house hunting can be really difficult, so exciting to get an offer accepted on one you love!

Post # 16
9114 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Could you imagine finding out an issue with the brickwork years down the line?

I’d schedule an appointment to do it. Brickwork is expensive to repair, and if it’s extensive, you may need to rebuild instead of repair.

If it’s free, and he’s willing to do it: Let him.

Best find these issues now as opposed to later when you may not be able to afford it.

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