(Closed) Dad is insisting my future father in law help pay for wedding- help!!

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’ll be in the same situation, but my mom hasn’t shown any concern.

I told her that Fiance and I are planning to throw the wedding ourselves, but if she’d like to buy my dress or the flowers or help in any way we’d welcome the help.

I think it helps to talk in terms of objects than in dollar figures. Then it’s not as if he’s paying for 1/3 of the reception…he’s providing X, Y or Z.

Post # 4
Member
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

i’d tell dad that you/he can’t control what other people contribute. if he wants to help pay, then that’s of his own accord but he can’t force anyone else to pay. if he wants to try, then he can take it up with Future Father-In-Law, but that’ll only bring bad blood. you are not some enforcing familial gobetween. if he’s going to throw a tantrum because he doesn’t like footing the partial bill for other people having a good time, then he doesn’t have to contribute. if he does though, you should include him by name as a host of the wedding on the invitation.

Post # 5
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

While I can understand your Dad not wanting to spend an unlimited amount, it seems strange that he would “insist” that someone else pay something towards it as well.  Can you maybe talk to him about finding a number he’s comfortable paying and then you and your Fiance figuring out if that needs to be your total budget or if you all or other family members will be able to contribute?

Post # 7
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with Elliestan.  I’d also suggest that you figure out a way to gently let him know that traditionally most FFIL’s don’t contribute beyond the rehearsal dinner – and perhaps add that your Fiance has that part covered.  I can understand more if he were trying to insist that your mom pay for a portion – the insisting on IL participation is a little odd.

Post # 8
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I wouldn’t.  I think it’s best conversation done in person than via email (too cold and might pressure them unnecessarily, particularly if they know  it’s going to all three)

Post # 9
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I wouldn’t send an email to the others. If you know they won’t be able to contribute much, it doesn’t really serve a purpose, and they will probably feel bad having to say they can’t contribute. It’s a wedding; they know any contribution they make, should they choose to do so, is welcome. But I wouldn’t ask for it.

As far as your dad, you just have to tell him you can’t MAKE people spend money for another person’s wedding, especially if they don’t have the money. If that makes him upset, thank him for his willingness to contribute and explain you will pay for the wedding yourselves so he doesn’t feel put out. 

Post # 10
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@navybride4: I wouldn’t send an email. I feel like finances are something so personal they should be discussed in person. Also, sending an email to all three would then ensure that your dad has the email addresses of the other two and could lead to more drama down the road. What my mom does financially is between me and her and no one else…maybe Fiance 🙂

Post # 10
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Couldn’t the other parents involved just pay for something really small just so that your dad feels that they contributed? Or if they can’t pay maybe they could do something that would save you money like some DIY stuff or something. You wouldn’t have to even say that they didn’t pay you could just say “Ok mom is going to take care of the centerpieces” and that fact that she is making them instead of buying them shouldn’t matter.

Post # 10
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Couldn’t the other parents involved just pay for something really small just so that your dad feels that they contributed? Or if they can’t pay maybe they could do something that would save you money like some DIY stuff or something. You wouldn’t have to even say that they didn’t pay you could just say “Ok mom is going to take care of the centerpieces” and that fact that she is making them instead of buying them shouldn’t matter.

Post # 12
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@navybride4: I’m sorry to say I think your dad is being an a$$hole. It’s very generous he’ll help pay it’s down right rude he ask/ require/ guilt trip you OR them into paying when they are not finacially well off.

I’m in the exact same situation without my dad being a dick about it. And truthfully if he were I’d tell him to keep his damn money. My dad is helping, my mom and the FI’s parents are in no place to contribute finacially. And I wouldn’t dream of asking them in anyway, I would also not be guilted into asking them because dad has this opinion…

Post # 14
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

On the guest list…I’d say “This is a wedding. There is no “his” side or “my” side. It’s “Our” wedding and we’ve both agreed on everyone invited.”

The topic ‘Dad is insisting my future father in law help pay for wedding- help!!’ is closed to new replies.

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