- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
I’ll try and make this as detailed, but short as possible.
My dad was adopted, he never got along with his brother (biological child of my dad’s adoptive parents.) He was never close to any other family, and both of his parents are deceased. He has absolutely no contact with any extended adoptive family. He has never tried to contact or been contacted by his biological family.
My dad has always cheated on my mom. Before we were born, while my mom was pregnant, basically the whole time they were together. They finally broke up when my sister was 13 and I was 14. The divorce was messy, and he didn’t care about/fight for any custody of us.
He moved in with a woman who we’ve still never met to this day and don’t care to meet. She would call our house drunk, calling my mom a Chink and my sister and I, half Chinks. She wouldn’t let him see us (my sister and I.) In 14 years, we’ve probably seen him less than 10 times, even though he only lives across the city.
Eventually, Dad told us she was abusive…chasing him around with knives, throwing all his belongings out onto the lawn, making him sleep in his truck. He had called the police on her several times. Why didn’t he leave her, you ask? It probably sounds ridiculous to some, but I too, was in an abusive relationship, so I understand how it’s not so easy to leave, especially if you have nowhere to go (no family, not a lot of friends, etc.) My dad is also kind of a gentle guy, never saw him get too angry, hardly yelled at us as kids, pretty calm all around. Not sure if that has anything to do with him feeling like he can’t leave.
On Monday night, I had just flown back home and turned my phone on. Dad texted me to say he’s finally told his gf that he’s leaving. He’s had enough and he’s met someone new. He asked my sister if he could move in with her while he figures out his finances. My sister said absolutely not – Our mom would freak, we don’t want his gf to somehow find out where any of us live, and he’s been pretty much absent for half of our lives. He wasn’t even invited to my wedding, and hasn’t met my husband, even though we’ve been together for 8 years.
My sister and I were hurt to find out that he’s already met his new interest’s two teenage sons. Apparently this new woman is very insistant that he develops a relationship with us though. We’re confused as to why he makes time to meet them, but hardly sees us in 14 years.
I guess I’m just trying to see if anyone has some insight to his behavior. He is not and has never been a drinker or into drugs. I remember my mom calling him a sex addict, and I wonder if him being adopted has anything to do with his commitement issues? My sister and I are just really confused, and we don’t know how to handle this situation. Do we continue to try and pursue a relationship? Do we ignore him and let him figure out his stuff himself?