(Closed) Dad Made Snarky Comment – What do I do?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I think your daddy needs to leave the past in the past and not make such asshat comments. I bet he wasn’t Mr. squeaky clean in his younger days either.

I’m enough of a bitch, I’d probably call and ask what the hell he meant by that, and that if he really feels that way, feel free to not attend the wedding.

 

That would piss me the hell off.

Post # 4
Member
46416 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d just ignore it. It was probably just a very lame attempt at a joke.

 

 

Post # 5
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think he was trying to be funny.  Don’t worry about it – don’t let it spoil your happy time

Post # 7
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m with hisgoosiegirl, I would call and say, “I’ve been thinking about what you said and it was very hurtful.  What did you mean by that?”  And listen to his explanation.  I don’t have a very close relationship with my father and I’d be furious if he said something derogatory about me to my Fiance.  My father is not a good judge of me and in my opinion doesn’t even know me very well.  You may need to tell your dad from now on to keep his comments and opinions to himself unless he can say something kind and helpful. 

Aside from that, don’t let anyone spoil your joy!  Congrats!

Post # 8
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’m so sorry. It really hurts.  My dad’s response to that question when my then Fiance asked him was “Are you sure you want to do that? She’s got a lot of her mother in her.” My parents are divorced and not friendly. I cried when I found out and it still brings me to tears when I think about it. I have never confronted him about it so maybe you should. I clearly still have issues with it. Hugs.

Post # 9
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@kelmac:  I still have issues with my dad, too.  In fact, I can hardly be on the phone with him for ten minutes sometimes and I’m in tears.  It’s ridiculous, I’m a grown woman.  But some people are not cut out to be a parent – sounds like our dads aren’t too great at it.  I have never confronted my dad about anything, really.  But when my Fiance asked if he should ask my dad for my hand in marriage I said, “Absolutely not, he has nothing to do with it.  We will just tell him together.” 

Post # 10
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Sadly I think it was a terrible attempt at a bad joke.  Which is why your dad told you…he may not have actually even said it to your Fiance.

When my parents got engaged, my grandmother (mom’s mom) told my dad “you know, she’s always going to be like this. Are you sure you really want to marry her? She’s not going to change for the better”…I’m pretty sure grandma meant it and my mom only found out much later from my dad. BUT what is important is that your Fiance (and my dad) reacted like “I DEFINITELY STILL WANT TO MARRY HER!” and that is what is going to happen.  You can tell your dad next time it comes up that yes, you made mistakes, but now you have a new life and want to be treated as the person you’ve become and not as the mistakes you (admit to) have made as a teenager.

Post # 11
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

@Sunfire:  Good call. It sucks doesn’t it? I know he loves me, and he is a great man who would do anything for me, but he has a tendancy to speak before he thinks. Oh well, I’m never going to change him.

Post # 12
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

What a stupid thing to say….Foot in Mouth

Sigh.

But I doubt he meant any harm by it. He probably was just trying to make a joke to deal with an emotionally charged situation, and it came off as significantly lacking.

Post # 13
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Parents just hold on to the past waaayyy to tightly. My Mom still has to bring up the clarinet I begged them to buy me when I was 13. Then I quit band a few months later. Still. brings. it. up and I’m 41 now. Seriously lady, Let It Go!

Whether he was just trying to be funny, or still thinks of you as his bad girl 16yo, I’m sure he still loves you. 

Post # 15
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@KoiKove:  So true– my mom brings up every little thing whenever she tells people about me.  And they are all in present-tense, like I continue to be the same person I was as a child/teenager: Her room is a mess! She’s such a picky eater! She got that dog and didn’t take care of it!

Okay mom, nowadays I have a clean apartment, eat escargot on the regular, and take damn good care of my cat.  

I just have to let them go because it stresses me out too much to try and talk to her about it– and even when we do talk about it? She apologizes, says she’ll never do it again, and five minutes later she’s telling her coworker how I won’t eat anything she cooks. (When she hasn’t cooked dinner for me in probably 5 years.)

Post # 16
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s a funny joke or at ALL appropriate to call a woman “damaged goods” – especially when she’s your daughter! Women are not property to be bought and sold, and it is none of your father’s damn business what you have or have not done with your body and in your private life. I would be furious and hurt by this, and I would find a way to let him know that it is NOT okay to talk to or about you like that. You are not a thing, you are a person.

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