Post # 1
Okay that is not really the BIG issue here (well it is, but that’s another post entirely lol) Anyway my question is…..I’m ordering invitations soon (already have the order forms filled out) well now I’m wondering if I should change the wording???
the original wording was only mentioning my father (who is the Main bankroll lol) and then my Father-In-Law (because they are also contributing a few G’s to the shindig) and that was it.
I was leaving my mother out (not because we dont speak or anything) but because she really isnt contributing to the wedding and I know my father would have an issue with including her on the invite (they still do not get along Well and he is the person who really raised me for the most part) I had felt kind of bad about leaving her out (after all its not as if she’s dead) but I dont know how to word this now to include both her and new stepmom, because they are now both Mrs. BangBang, technically (my mom kept her married name so that it would be the same last name as her kids)
what would be a wording option that will include my dad and new wife, my mom, and FIL’s without being three pages long and doesnt diminish their contributions to the wedding. because I know my dad will not be happy with “together with their parents” wording because he will feel it lessens his contribution by including it in a “cover-all” wording along with my mom and Father-In-Law
So, help any suggestions???? Im at a complete loss.
Post # 3
I’d name just your father. It’s correct for etiquette and you don’t have to include names just because they’re helping fund the wedding. If you do any kind of speech or thank yous at the reception, you can always thank others then.
Post # 4
For my graduation I had them say “daughter of Jane Doe and John and Jen Doe” so everyone was included but I named my mom first since she was the single one but we all have the same last name.
Post # 5
Here are some options I’ve found online:
Mr. and Mrs. Father Bang Bang and Ms. Mother Maiden Name Bang Bang
Mr. and Mrs. Father-in-Law New Last Name
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their children
Your Full Name
Fiance Full Name
on Saturday, the twenty-fifth March
two thousand eleven
at XXX in the morning/evening
Mr and Mrs. Father BangBang
Ms. Mother Maiden Name BangBang
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Your Full Name
Fiance Full Name
son of Mr. and Mrs. Father NewLastName
Saturday, March 25,2011
at whatever o’clock in the morning/evening
Post # 6
@missbangbang: Whose names appear on the invitation should have nothing to do with who is contributing financially.
Post # 7
I do have to disagree–
just because everyone doesn’t follow “proper” etiquette today doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter but it is simply your choice how traditional you want to be with wedding etiquette, and everyone is different–I’m very traditional, but I respect if you want to be more untraditional with your choices and roles (and everyone does so for different reasons). My wedding is being paid for in the very traditional sense–MY parents are paying for the wedding. My fiancé’s parents will pay/host the rehearsal dinner. Therefore, only my parents names will be on the wedding invitation, while only my fiance’s parents names will be on the rehearsal dinner invitation. This is not meant to hurt feelings, and exclude–it’s just a traditional way of showing who is hosting the event.
Therefore-if you want ALL your parents names on the invite, your decision. If you want only those who are hosting–your decision. However, I would say being that I’m very traditional and come from an area where it is expected my invitations will be this way, and the costs will be handled this way–I’m not hurting feelings and people wont feel excluded from not being on the invitation. If you feel your mom will feel excluded–I think it is definitely a valid reason to throw “proper” etiquette out the window and include her on the invite despite her not helping pay. However, it is also a valid reason to not include her on the invite if you want to follow proper etiquette. It’s worth discussing it with her. 🙂
Post # 8
I hate all the agony over wedding invite wording! It just doesn’t seem like its worth it really. I get so irked when I hear people saying that a parent that contributes the most wants a place on the invite to be recognized for the financial contribution. To me, it ends up feeling like parents are showing off and the real meaning of the day is being lost.
Families have different financial backgrounds. My FI’s family would love to contribute loads to our wedding but I know they can’t. My parents on the other hand are in a place to contribute. I wouldn’t dream of excluding his family from the invite just because they don’t have as much money as my family.
Also, I would be so annoyed if my parents demanded only their name be on the invite. I feel like it’ll be hard enough once we’re married to decide which coast to spend Christmas on, I don’t need our parents fueling that drama by demanding that they need their names on the invites and causing trouble before we’re even married. Thank goodness my parents are well aware of this and helpful.
My advice, put whoever on the invite you feel appropriate. Are you close to Stepmom? Even if real mom doesn’t contribute do you think it’ll be more awkward to see her included or excluded? Don’t let your invite turn into a billboard for your family drama. Do you want people to look at the invite and think “hmmm why isn’t her mom on here?” or do you want them to think “oh, look how lovely, all the parents, stepparents and everyone are coming together and throwing a wedding”.
There’s a lot of other support besides financial support. If its emotional support of your relationship I think that’s worth way more then anything.
Put whoever you feel like. Go with your gut. If you explain like a rational adult that you have a good reason for wanting things this way, then everyone should agree. If you want to give your dad a shout out at the wedding then print something extra in the program or give a little toast to him for all the help. People will know what you mean.
At least your FI’s dad didn’t decide to become a woman when your Fiance was a teenager. Figure out how to put that on an invite… haha. I’m serious…
Post # 9
Just FWIW, my dad did the same thing to all of us (myself and 3 siblings) with his current – 3rd wife. In fact, he eloped to Tahoe when I lived not more than an hour away at the time, and didn’t tell me until months later. It kind of set the tone for things to come, and it really hurt at the time. If the wording on the invites is causing you so much stress, I really recommend your name, his name, TOGETHER WITH THEIR PARENTS, request the pleasure of your company…
Post # 10
@southernbride10: thanks so much those are both very good suggestions
Post # 11
Darling Husband has a lot of family politics. To keep things simple, we just did:
Together with our families
Bakerella and Mr Bakerella
Invite you blah blah blah
I think my parents were a touch disappointed, but understood that with so many dynamics going on it was the thing that made the most sense!
Post # 12
@MissTurtle27: OMG ya that Would make wording a little tricky and I liked the points you made, Thank you
Post # 13
In my opinion I think it’s a little mean to leave your mom off the invite. Okay so she isn’t giving $$ but I’m sure she’s supporting you in other ways. I like the ideas listed by southernbride10
Post # 14
i klike southernbrides options listed above that include everyone. I think leaving your mother off is a little harsh despite it being your fasther who is contributing more financially. emotional support which may come from your mother shouldn’t be overlooked.