- 10 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
So…. I don’t know who should walk me down the aisle – my real dad or my stepdad.
To make a long story short, my parents got divorced when I was 6. During that time, he was not always financially supportive to my mother – I mean he always paid his child support, late or not in-full. There were many court battles over money as I was growing up. Then when it came time for me to go to college, he didn’t want to help pay for that either. I didn’t talk to him for over 6 months. He was not invited to my high school graduation. Over the years, my dad has lived hours away and until recently, I only saw him a couple of times a year. Now he lives in-state and I see him more often (maybe once every 2-3 months) – not that he makes an attempt to see me as much asI think he should. I have a good relationship with my dad today and he was really excited when my fiance and I got engaged.
My stepdad came into my life when I was 16. Since then he has been financially supportive and always there when I needed emotional support, a handyman or any other role he could fill at the drop of a pin. He is very special to me and I feel that he is more of a father to me than my real dad. I see him at least once a week.
Here’s the issue….. At this point, my dad is NOT really helping pay for the wedding, despite being well off. I basically have begged him to renegotiate his shockingly low offer of $2000 (btw – he paid more for his DOG last year! and which is so insulting to me that I won’t even take it) to which he has avoided any wedding converation with me (actually, he hasn’t even called me in weeks!). My mom and stepdad have offered us at least $6,000, which is generous since they were hit hard last year with the crash and I know its what they can afford.
I found out from my mom yesterday that as a surprise, my step dad is planning on giving me a good chunk of his OWN money (my mother was floored when he told her that he wants to give it to me – she never asked him nor brought it up). I never expected this generousity from the man who is biologically not my father. But the fact that he is doing this for me, has touched me in a way that I can’t explain. My father has NEVER done something like this for me, something out of the goodness of his heart, just for me b/c I’m his daughter.
When I told my mom about the lowball amount of money that dad has offered me, she was mad at him and hurt for me – that I have to go through what she went through with him all those years. My mom doesn’t think that my dad deserves to walk me down the aisle at all since he has never really “been there” for me, and still can’t man up and do right by me.
So…. what do I do? I’m thoroughly disappointed that my father couldn’t/isn’t stepping up and supporting his only daughter financially to help pay for a wedding (or at least has been avoiding this issue with me). I’m also disappointed that I have to beg him to give as much as my mother (which I do not feel guilty asking for since believe me, he can afford it) Since he is not being a DAD, I don’t think that he deserves it either! I am inclined to ask my stepdad to walk me down the aisle since he has really been the dad I never really had. He deserves it.
This, I know will CRUSH my dad (and it doesn’t help that my dad HATES my stepdad). I don’t want to break my dad’s heart, but I honestly don’t want to break my mom’s either. Why give my dad the glory of walking me down the aisle when he doesn’t deserve it?
What do I do? I don’t want to make the wrong decision. I want to do right by everybody (I’m a pleaser). Should I tell my dad that if he can’t man up then he can’t walk me down the aisle? Do I give him an ultimatum?
Help! I’m so conflicted!