Dad or Stepdad?

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: Who should wak me down the aisle?
    My dad : (4 votes)
    19 %
    My stepdad : (7 votes)
    33 %
    My brother : (4 votes)
    19 %
    My groom : (6 votes)
    29 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    535 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I think you should have both youe dad and stepdad walk you down the aisle. I didn’t vote since that wasn’t an option.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1075 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Well, I’m just going to be honest.  Which ever decision you make, I would hope it wouldn’t be based on the “dollar amount” each father is giving.  It’s not a rule that the parents have to pay or pay equal amounts, or what not.  You’re decision should be based on how you feel towards both men as the actual “father-figure”.  If  you feel your step dad have been there for you (more than just financially) thn I think it is perfectly fine for you to choose him.  I just don’t think you should throw you biological father out of the equation just because he isn’t giving you as much as your step dad.

    Post # 5
    Member
    8353 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Based on what you have stated, I would have your stepdad walk you down the aisle. You have stated yourself that he has been more of a dad than your biological father. In my opinion, your biological father does not deserve the honor of walking you down the aisle. If he is coming to the wedding and you are doing special dances, you could pick a secondary dance for him and you to dance to; maybe with the dj/announcer announcing at a certain point for the rest of your guests to join you on the dance floor, and at that time maybe your new husband can cut in.

    Post # 6
    Member
    175 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    Totally agree with the 2 previous posters. 100%!

    Post # 7
    Member
    191 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    My brother is walking me down the aisle. My dad left when I was 13, we didn’t talk until recently (I am 22 now) but at wedding, I asked my brother (who is 19) to walk me down the aisle. My dad who I now speak to, is okay with it, as well as my mother…just because my mom hates my dad…

    I am okay with my brother doing it because he has been the best through-out my life. He is my best friend and if I can do that without my parents fighting, I will keep it this way. I know this probably doesn’t help, but I do know how you feel.

    In your case, I would have your step-dad possibly…but bro is always my first pick! 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    61 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Wow your father relationship is so similar to mine.  Divorced at 5, had a period of non talking but now live close by and have been rebuilding a relationship.  Also, not much financial support through the years and not paying much for the wedding compared to my future in laws and mom and stepdad.  I’m actually having my grandfather walk me down the aisle since i grew up living with him and he is the one I have the most fatherly relationship with.  It will probably hurt my dad but I feel that it is my day and I want to be given away by the man who was there for me the most.  Just my thoughts…so I voted for your step dad b/c it sounds like he is that for you.

    Oh an I’m going to try to soften the blow by having the father daughter dance w/ my dad.  And my stepdad will do a reading.

    Post # 9
    Member
    329 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I’m in a similar situation, though my both my Dad and Step-Dad have been supportive throughout my life. However, I’ve lived with my mom and my step-dad for most of my life. My solution?

    Both of them are walking me down the aisle. I see no reason why I should deny either of them or myself the experience.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1740 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    im with Stassney that you have the option on having both of them walking you down the isle.

    but im also with WendyS328 that your decision should not be base on money.

    good luck, and take the decision on what will make you happy.  in the other hand you can ask you mom to give you away and that will solve your dilemma 

    Post # 11
    Member
    2208 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    You are building a decent relationship with your bio father right now, so I would not tip that cart too much if possible. There are several ways to honor the men in your life. This is my suggestion:

    – have your brother walk you down the aisle

    – have a special dance with either bio or step dad

    – have either bio or step dad give a toast

    Figure out which one would appreciate each more. If one is talkative and likes attention, the toast will be the better option.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2344 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I have had a similar experience, though my dad has let me down in many other ways than just financially, and while it hurts that he isn’t contributing money to the wedding, the other things he has done hurt much more. I also have a great stepdad but I didn’t want to choose between them, so I am having my brother walk me down. I voted the same for you because I think its a good way to avoid hurting either of their feelings.

    I have to say, though, that I hope this runs deeper than money. Financial support is very important, and I totally understand the hurt that comes when your dad doesn’t provide for you. At the same time, if he has been there for you in other ways, I would think about trying to forgive him for this one way that he has hurt you. Money is a tricky thing but I don’t think it is important enough to let it destroy a relationship. Perhaps I am way off, but it just seems like there is a lot of emphasis on money in your post, and not so much on other aspects of your relationship with your dad. I would just encourage you to take a look at those other parts as well.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1194 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    It sounds like you’ve had a very difficult relationship with your father and like he wants to be involved with the glory of everything on your wedding day but not give the help and support (I’m speaking more on an emotional level) required leading up to the day.  But, if you’re asking this question, I am assuming that you want to involve your dad as much as your stepfather.  So, here are my two suggestions . . .

    Have your biological father walk you down the first half of the aisle and with your stepfather the remainder of the aisle.  Or vice versa.

    Or, have one of them walk you down the aisle and ask for the other one to do a reading at the ceremony and/or a toast at the reception. 

    And, if you have a program and recognize your parents in it, make sure both are included.

    That way you’re recognizing and involving them both.

    Post # 15
    Member
    272 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    Have them both walk you down the aisle, one on each arm!  I saw that done before, and it was really nice.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    What about your mom?  She’s the one who’s been there for you your whole life, even when your father wasn’t.  Also, that’s probably less likely to cause a rift between you and your father while still acknowledging that he hasn’t been the best of father figures to you.

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