Post # 1
Ok so i need some advice really bad…
Me and my dad have never been "close" mostly becuase he is an alcoholic that refuses to take his anti depression medication. He has a habit of dissapearing from my life years at a time and then dropping by at 2am and leaving me a present on the door step. I know its a pretty wierd situation. I should also mention that my mom and him are divorced (finally) and she is re-married (but he doesn’t know)
My problem is, do i invite him to the wedding? And if i do, where do i seatt him?? He knows im engaged cause i told him when it happened (2 years ago) but he never showed any interest EVER. Now after 2 years he has popped up again.
Ive already had the programs printed with my parents as my mom and step dad walking me down the aisle. I think its going to be really aqward becuase #1 he has no idea that my mom got re-married, #2 Im not inviting any of his family (we dont speak) #3 I dont know where to sit him because my moms family hates him and my fiances family has never met him, he literally has no one there.
I feel really bad and i dont want to make the worng decision but i honestly dont know what to do.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated 🙂
Post # 3
im sorry to hear about your sitch – and i dont really have any advice or suggestions (im useless in this sense)
but i do want to tell you it’s really courageous of you to tell a bunch of "strangers" in this "room" about it and hope you find what is right for you and your family.
all i can give you is a cyber hug from one bride-to-be to another!
hang in there!
Post # 4
Wow..tough situation. Part of me thinks you should invite him because it sounds like there will be a small part of you that might regret it one day if you exclude your dad. I guess the wild card is whether he’ll behave himself at your wedding if he does come. If you think he will be good, just seat on the opposite side with maybe friends of the Fiance (and his family). I seated my then-FI’s divorced parents on the opposite side and things worked out fine (FI’s father was also engaged, but FI’s mom knew about it).
I think the only way to find out how your dad will handle himself is to talk to him and ask him if he will be okay with your mom there with her husband. If he doesn’t take it well, then maybe I would leave out the wedding date details.
Post # 5
Have you talked to your mom about it? Maybe you can get her insight as well. It doesn’t seem like she has any contact with him, since he doesn’t even have a clue that she’s remarried. Maybe ask her for her opinions about whether or not to invite your dad, and if so, where to seat him, etc. This is also just my thoughts, but your mom probably should be the one to break the news of her remarriage to your dad (if she even wants him to know), and not you.
Post # 6
I don’t really consider my biological father my dad, but I seem to comment on these dad posts a lot. 🙂
If you were a girlfriend of mine and we had this discussion in my living room or over wedding plans, I would say that you should only invite people you really want to be there….the ones you love and the ones you know are going to add to the enjoyment, not the stress, of your wedding day. My "dad" also took off several times in both of his marriages and has faithfully left a gift at strange hours on my mom’s doorstep on my birthday.
When it came to our wedding, I felt strongly about not inviting him back in to my life just because it was a social event or I feel obligated. It’s your day…surround yourself with people who are truly there for you.
Post # 7
I don’t know the proper etiqutte, but from what you said, if you don’t speak, having him there might be very akward. If you have an speeches, introductions etc. and you had to introduce him that might be weird.
On the other hand, if you feel you might regret not inviting him, invite him and then see if he decides to come before worrying about where to seat him. Just some thoughts. . . .
Post # 8
I have a similar situation and am also trying to decide what to do. I do plan on inviting my father to the wedding, but I have no idea where to sit him! I don’t want to put him on my fiance’s side (I have no idea how he will behave himself) but I don’t want to sit him on my mother’s side (not that they fight, but they are not exactly friends)! I think I may sit him on a second row behind my mother with his immediate family (wife and 3 kids). I agree with a post earlier about invite him if you might regret not having him there, but don’t if part of you feels like you’ll be on edge the whole time with him present.
Post # 9
are you inviting your paternal grandparents or family? maybe you can give them a honorary job and have your Dad help if he shows up.
Post # 10
Thanks so much for all your advice guys, i really appreciate it and have some serious thinking to do. 🙂
Post # 11
you should invite him….but it sounds like he might not show up, maybe? but still, if he hasn’t been a part of your life, there is no reason to have included him in the traditional way anyway. he can be a guest…and if any of his side of the family is there, sit him with them.
Post # 12
I’m sorry for this uncomfortable situation for you! I can see how it could be difficult for you, but judging from your first post you aren’t really connected to your father any more. I like everything that Angel said. But whatever you decided to do will ultimately be up to you. I think you’ll make the righ choice, and do it with no regrets.