Post # 1
I have some painful family history. My father was physically abusive to my mother when they were married. One night after their divorce, he attacked her and she landed in the hospital and he in prison.
Since then, he served his time, and he and I (and sister) have reconnected (for the last 10 years or so). I never saw or wrote or spoke to him while he was in prison which was about for 10 years.
Shockingly, my parents have both matured and have become centered. They have never spoken badly about eachother to my sister or I. My mom says he was a lousy husband but a good father.
Now that I am getting married and have spent the last 10 years of my life building back a relationship with him, I want him at my wedding but I can’t stand the anxiety of him and my mom’s family being in the same room. It is making me want to elope. I want him there but I feel like it will cause a lot of weird vibes.
My family all feels like this is so old and we are all mature enough to handle it and move on. But, I am worried about it ruining my day.
My fiance wants a wedding. I want to make him happy. But, he says if I am not going to be happy there is no point in spending the money on a day where I will feel yucky!
What should I do???
By The Way my fiance does not know the extent of the family history because I don’t like to talk about it. His family has no idea either and doesn’t understand why I want to elope. I don’t want to tell them because I dont’ want my dad to feel embarassed about his past actions.
Post # 3
@To do or not to do: Ooh, this is a tough situation. Have you talked to your mom about it? What does she say?
Post # 4
@To do or not to do: Have you talked to your father? I think you are the best person to decide if her is capable of attending and not ruining the day.
My sister is not invited. I do not trust that she will behave herself. It was a hard decision but in the end I know my sister better than anyone and I am at peace with my decision.
I think you should talk to you Fiance about it aswell. You dont want secrets coming into the marriage.
Post # 5
@To do or not to do: Hey, I can relate somewhat with what you’re saying, my dad’s an alcoholic and I’ve loosely kept in touch over the last 8 years but I mean talking roughly once a year, making the effort to see him and bomb him letting me down again.
He did come to our engagement party and was fine, but he was under the watchful eye of my uncle, who is only invited to the reception and not the meal. I’m swaying towards not inviting him for my own sake as much as anyone else. I can’t be dealing with worrying about whether he’s going to embarass me or whether he’ll cause arguments with my mum’s family.
Ultimately it’s your decision but just remember you can’t predict people’s reactions, especially when alcohol is involved.
Post # 6
I could understand your situation more if his prison time was more recent, however, I’m a little confused. You mention that you have spent the last 10 years building a relationship with him when he was let out. 10 years is such a long time, isn’t everything all sorted now with the family, you even mentioned your family have said its so old, so why is this still an issue for you?
The right thing to do is tell your Fiance about your family history. I would also invite your Dad to the wedding. Don’t know if you have though about him giving you away, you may need to discuss this with your Mum, it may be appropiate for your Mum to do this.
All sorts of family issues come up for weddings, but on the day most people will act politely due to the occasion and for the sake of the Bride and Groom. Good luck.
Post # 7
How to handle the wedding is a tough decision, but you absolutely should be keeping something that is such a major part of your history from your Fiance – the foundation of a good marriage is communication, if you can’t share this with him I think that is a sign of serious concern for your relationship. No need to tell his whole family, but your Fiance should know the truth.