- 6 months ago
So I haven’t actually seen my dad in person since I was 14 or 15 so it has been 10-15 yrs since I have seen him. We do keep in touch over facebook/phone/skype though. He didnt go to my highschool or college graduation either. But for some reason the fact that he told me he won’t be able to make it to my wedding just makes me realize how truly messed up my family life is and makes me realize I don’t really feel like I have much of a father figure in my life. Spent a lot of time crying right after he told me.
His reason for not coming: excuse #1: “I don’t have enough money”… then I told him he has had 1.5 yrs to save less than $200 for a plane ticket and that I don’t see it as an excuse he gave me excuse #2: “My boss won’t let me take off work”. I told him that he should let me talk to his boss and that I don’t believe that any boss would not let him take a few days off to go to his daughters wedding
I told him that it would really mean a lot to me for him to be there and that I think he is making a mistake. He finally said it makes him uncomfortable to see my sister (who actually has not talked to him in years) and my mom who he had sort of a nasty divorce with (a long time ago). He didn’t mention my step mom but everyone who knows him and my step mom thinks that she can be jealous and a bit crazy/controlling so maybe she is not being supportive of him going.
My fiance’s dad offered to pay for his plane ticket and accomodations so he could come and my fiance has tried talking to him but he just said thanks for the generous offer but never said yes or no.
I am not really sure what to do at this point. I could keep bugging him about it and get more involved and try to talk to his wife and boss. Part of me worries he really will regret it and will have to live with that for the rest of his life and that maybe he is in a controlling relationship, that maybe I should do something more to intervene. The other half of me doesn’t want to pressure him to spend tons of money to come to a family event where he will be uncomfortable and have to see my mom and sister and potentially be really stressed, he also mentioned he feels he won’t be able to actually spend quality time with me at the wedding and he would rather come see me when we will actually be able to spend more time together and I won’t be busy with wedding stuff. I am also pretty sure that my fiances family will judge him harshly if he doesn’t come.
What would you do? Anyone else deal with a parent who refused to come to your wedding? Is he justified in not coming?