Post # 1
This is a vent, not sure how to feel!
So my mom and stepdad (Dad) have been together since I was 2 years old (im 24)… We are having our engagement party this weekend, and pretty much my dads entire family has declined to attend. We sent out invitations 5 weeks before the event, so they all had plenty of notice. His one brother simply told my mother, no he and his wife wont be going, and the rest said they would (this was last friday) now as of yesterday, his other brother/family stated he was not going because my dad didnt remind him it was this weekend and he is going out with some people from his elks club… His aunt was not going unless his sister goes, and at this rate, it doesnt appear his sister will go if none of her brothers are going.
He is so upset about how his family is prioritizing things (none of them said ANYTHING to me about the party at any point in time) and has declared that we will not be inviting them to the wedding. The wedding is a year away still so I believe he may be overreacting and change his mind, but it definitely is obviously hurtful and embarrassing for him in front of FIs family. Additionally, his brother who declined to attend without reason just had a “gender reveal” party which my parents drove two hours to attend (no food/drinks, only cupcakes at this occasion) and I was not even invited to that.
I am unsure of how to feel in this situation. I just feel bad for my Dad and Mom because they are both really embarrassed by his family. None of them rsvpd, my parents had to track them all down this week to find out, and within that same time their yes’ turned to no’s. I am not sure how to navigate this situation with my parents. I understand prior commitments, but it seems like the reason they are not going is because they found something else they want to do. I do not want this to turn into a crazy family war. Now my mother is speculating that she will decline to attend her BILs baby shower over the summer.
Have any of you bees experienced a similar situation? I am just unsure how to feel, and dont want to say the wrong things to anyone about this. Honestly, their choices just show their character. If they dont want to come, then I dont want them to be there.
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@pandaroo: Well luckily it’s YOUR wedding, not your dads so you can invite whoever you want!
It does suck that they aren’t coming to your engagement party, but people can choose to attend or not choose to attend for whatever reason they like. I hope they’ll be more serious about RSVPing for and attending your wedding.
Send out Save-The-Date Cards so they don’t have an excuse about forgetting or not knowing about it 🙂
Post # 4
Well, an engagement party isn’t really a big deal in the grand scheme of things. It sucks that they didn’t RSVP till the last minute, but to be perfectly honest, engagement parties really are only fun for the couple & close friends and direct family. For the not so close relatives, it’s not really a big deal. Just let things cool off, you’ve got a while yet before sending out invitations. I’m sure by the time you’re actually ready to send them out, everyone will have found other things to be pissed off about and will have completely forgotten this.
Post # 5
I think an engagement party is different than a wedding. I very well might skip an engagement party but then I would love to go to the wedding. I think your dad should reconsider.
Post # 6
@pandaroo: Does your step dad’s family usually treat you as one of their own? I ask because my Fiance and I have been together since my child was still in diapers, but although his family is nice to my son he has never been seen as ” one of theirs”. They have never attended a single event for my son despite living in the same small town. If they usually show up to things for you then I would chalk this up to a one time thing, no big deal. But if they haven’t made an effort to come to your events in the past then I would just sadly accept this is the way things are. Either way I am sorry they are missing out 🙁
Post # 7
I just think some people see engagement parties as frivolous and unnecessary. Since your step-dad has been around your entire life, and these are your aunts and uncles, you would think they would be happy to attend your wedding. But then again, every family is different. I would still invite them, and I’m guessing your dad will come around to that eventually.
Post # 8
@mixtapehearts: Im sorry to hear about your child, i dont understand why people do the things they do… i was definitely slighted quite a bit by them growing up, i think because their father (my grandfather, who passed away about 2 years ago) was really good to me and i can only speculate they are jealous or something? I am not really upset, it is what it is and i know i cant change things, but I know how much his family means to him so I am just trying to process and manage the situation as best as I can! I dont want him to end up not speaking with his family for years over this. =[
Post # 9
I agree, I dont think its a big deal, they are always dramatic and selfish, and like many have pointed out, its not the wedding itself. I think for him this is just the straw that broke the camels back!