- 9 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour
Hey bees, this has been bothering me for a while and I just don’t know what to do with it anymore.
Fiance is quiet. When he gets to know you very well, he is much more open, but otherwise (as he says) he’ll talk when he has something to say, but otherwise he just listens. My dad takes this as a warning sign.
He’s seen my Fiance get upset here and there. Once when we returned to our home and found that FI’s canopy that we had set up on our deck had blown over our house and was crumpled and destroyed. Fiance grumbled, grew quiet and dragged the canopy to where it would be out of the way for now, complaining about how it was destroyed and his utter confusion as to how it went from the back yard to the front yard. He never raised his voice.
The next day my dad called me and wanted to make sure we didn’t have a horrible fight. I was pretty confused at first until I realized that my dad wanted to make sure that I wasn’t hurt. I told my dad I was fine, Fiance has never raised his voice to me once, and if I was ever in an abusive relationship he could trust me that I would not put up with it. My dad accepted my answer but he made sure I knew that I could come back to their place if I ever felt scared. WTF???
This has continued to remarks made by my dad here and there. The other day I was telling my parents how our overly excited Yorki had peed all over Fiance when he had gotten home from work. My dad comments ‘I’m sure he got the s**t beat out of him for that’. Which DID NOT HAPPEN.
My dad has said that quiet guys worry him because they hold in their anger and then it comes out in violence, but Fiance has never ONCE raised his voice to me, and the tiffs that we do have never escalate to yelling or pushing and so forth.
I know my dad is just showing concern for me, but it really bothers me that he thinks that Fiance is abusive to me, and it bothers me even MORE that he thinks I am putting up with it.
My Fiance loves my parents – he lost his own dad the Christmas before we started dating – and whenever my parents need help around the house, or my parents business, he goes and helps out without a word of hesitation. He doesn’t know how my dad feels, and I don’t want to tell him for fear of him resenting my father. I don’t know how to make my dad see that Fiance is a good man – because telling him that I am fine and that Fiance is not like that is clearly not working. Just because Fiance is quiet compared to our loud and outgoing family does not make him a threat!