(Closed) Dad upset about Catholic FI.

posted 11 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Would your dad feel better if a pastor from your church also was at the wedding?  Did your dad express more specifically what his concerns were or just generally that he has a problem that your Fiance doesn’t go to the same church but didn’t explain why he thought that was a  problem?

Post # 4
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My mother was born and raised Lutheran and my father was born and raised Catholic.  They decided to raise their children as Catholics and my mother converted when she was pregnant with my older brother. (This was mainly due to the fact that my father’s mother would totally freak out if her grandchildren were not baptised Catholic…my mother’s mother did not care as long as we were religious).  So technically, my mother is a Catholic now, but she still holds on to her Lutheran beliefs.  They have been married for 32 years.  It can work and there is no reason for your father to think that it can’t.  The two religions are NOT that different considering they started as the same religion.

Post # 5
4122 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m really sorry your family is nervous. The reality is though, that unfortunately, a lot of protestants are misinformed about Catholics… many of them from a young age.  More than likely, your dad and family believes these “mis-informations” about our faith. Don’t blame him, many times us Catholics are used to it 🙂 In fact, a lot of Christian book stores have books about how to “save your catholic friends from hell.” I want to commend you though, because obviously you see that we both (protestant and Catholic) are Christian, and love and serve the same lord. 

Truly, it’s more than likely a typical case of misinformed protestants.  

There are some things you can do. Start educating yourself more deeply into WHY we do certain things. Here are some books…

Reasons to Believe: How to Understand, Explain, and Defend the Catholic Faith by Scott Hahn (Author)

The Lamb’s Supper: The Mass as Heaven on Earth by Scott Hahn (Author)

Signs of Life: 40 Catholic Customs and Their Biblical Roots by Scott Hahn (Author)

The best way to approach this, is for you to learn and know the answers, so that when your dad comes to you about a common misconception (i.e. Are Catholics, “Saved?”) you can answer what your fiances faith believes. You can also ask us or message me any specific questions he may have so we can explain it.


Post # 6
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

I think this sort of anxiety just stems from not really knowing much about Catholicism. There’s a book called “Catholic and Christian” — it explains the traditions and their symbolism. Often these are all misinterpeted.

But you’re right, you both have the same core beliefs. Talk to your dad about his concerns and use the book as a reference.

Post # 7
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Are you planning on having a ceremony or full mass?  We just went with a ceremony because a lot of my family is protestant, including myself, and it is a bit weird to not be included in communion.  If your dad is already hesitant, I would lean towards the ceremony and not full mass.

Post # 8
2628 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I didn’t have this problem because I married within my faith, but I can remember a guy that I dated who’s parents about had a heartattack because I was mormon.  I won’t say what religion they are, because I don’t want to make it seem like a religion bashing post from me (because to this day I think they are wonderful people who just had a big misunderstanding).  They had been taught that basically mormons were the anti-christ, didn’t believe in Jesus, the men had a bazillion wives, and we were some crazy cult….So, when they heard their son was dating a mormon, they were genuinely concered for his salvation. lol  But…once they got to know me and asked me a bazillion questions about my religion and realized what they had been taught/heard was false, they relaxed a ton!  The thing that really helped is that I was completely willing to talk about my religion and they were completely willing to listen.  Maybe your dad’s fear is just a fear of the unknown or the fear of all the crazy things he’s heard.  Maybe having a sit down with your dad and Fiance to talk about your FI’s religion could really help!

Post # 10
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

You hit on the million dollar question: why don’t ppl just get along???!!! I wanna know that too. But misinformation is definitely a big problem. One thing I wanna suggest is that if there are any questions that your dad poses that are difficult to answer. Invite the deacon/priest from your FI’s church for like coffee or beer or something. I’m sure the priest would be happy to answer your dad’s questions. A priest (supposedly) has undergone >5 yrs of formation and was required to theology and history classes. They’re in good positions to answer any esoteric questions.

Assuming your dad is reasonable and civil, I’m excited to see interfaith dialogues. It really makes all of us learn quite a bit.

This is on a tangent but I would like to mention an issue that you raised but can be posed for either side of the debate. For sola scriptura (scripture only position), 1 of the question I often have for protestants is “which scripture”? cannonized at which council? Do you believe the council of nicea more than any other council? Why? Do you think u should use the hebrew bible or the greek Septuagint? A lot of decisions are made arbitrarily if there is no teaching authority on earth.


Post # 12
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree with Ribbons.  There are a lot of things that people don’t really understand about the Catholic church.  I was raised Catholic and though I’m not religious, I learned a lot from going to Catholic schools; there are a lot of misinterpretations..  I would encourage him to learn more about Catholicism…of course kinda giving him more Protestant friendly books.  I think he’ll come around..

Post # 13
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t know if this helps, but I was raised as a Protestant and my Fiance is Catholic.

I decided to convert after going to midnight mass with Fiance on Christmas Eve and being scared to death at how different mass was to the service I was used to and if our wedding was like that then I might feel very uncomfortable.

My family weren’t very happy about it for similar reasons as the one your dad suggestion.

Anyway, while I’ve been converting I don’t feel that I’ve had to change any of my beliefs at all, just how I practice them on a Sunday. We still want the Catholic wedding without the mass as I don’t want my Protestant family and friends to feel as lost during the wedding as I did on Christmas Eve, but I honestly feel as though the fundemental beliefs of both religions are very, very similar. 

I think you are totally right; you are both Christians.

Hopefully your dad will come round soon Smile

Post # 14
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i was raised, baptised, confirmed in the united methodist church. Fiance is devout catholic.

we’ve never had issues with either church and/or families. at the end of the day, both of us have accepted JC as our Lord and savior and we believe no matter where we are… his church or mine, we are worshipping our same God.

yes there are major practices that are different… but at the core, isn’t faith just about believing and servitude?


Post # 16
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I would think the big ticket issue that you would have is what religion you raise your children.  You might have to deal with what church to go to every Sunday too.  bu that doesn’t seem to be as big a deal to me.  If Fiance is Catholic, he should be going to a Catholic mass every Sunday, otherwise he’s commiting a sin the weeks he doesn’t go.  If you feel the need to go to your church every sunday, then you might deicde to go your seperate ways for church, or both go to each service etc.  (Personally, I wouldn’t feel bad about going separately.  Many couples of the same religion do that anyway, especially with little ones.  It gives them a chance to focus on worship, not sippy cups and runyn noses.)

But you will haveto figure out the kids.  For your Fiance, part of Catholicism (including your wedding vows) will include raising the kids Catholic.  If that’s OK by you, no problem.  If not, it’s somethign to discuss.

Good luck with your dad.  My guess (being that your FI’s family is devout in Catholicism) is that if the shoe was on the other foot, FI’s family would be as upset as your dad.  Hopefully he’ll come around.

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