Post # 17
Wow. I feel like I could have written this post. It was something that I struggled with during most of my wedding planning. In fact, I still struggle with it to this day. I was going to do as you had planned, and have my real dad walk me half way and my step dad the other half. However, unlike your dad, mine gave me an ultimatum. He said if that’s how I was going to do it, then he wasn’t going to come. Things got very ugly (even between him and my brother, who stuck up for me). I haven’t spoken to him since that day. He did not get an invitation to my wedding.
Here’s the thing I kept telling myself when I felt like I was making the wrong decision: It’s your wedding. You have to make (and stick to) the choice that is right for YOU. It’s not about making anyone else happy (well, maybe your future husband. ) I mean, if you wanted Ronald McDonald to walk you down the aisle, then that’s your choice. I hope, that for your sake, your real dad comes around and supports your decision. After all, this is supposed to be a happy time to support you and your fiance and the love you have for eachother.
Best of luck!
Post # 18
I think that he’s been stewing over this for the last month. If he brings it up again, explain that because he’s “blood” you are giving him the courtesy of walking you halfway down the aisle, just like he did for [stepsister]. But you are not changing your mind, because you love [stepdad] too, and you need to consider his feelings in all of this as well. Tell your dad that you love him and can’t wait to walk with him on your wedding day, but that the order of events isn’t changing.
Post # 19
Thank you again, everyone, for your comments. Just an update, it seems we have progressed to the “ultimatum” portion of the program. I called my biological father to discuss the issue further, and to apologize if anything I had said had hurt him, and to express again that I wasn’t doing this to hurt him or spite him. His response was that he was “just responding to the cards he was dealt” and that if I continue on this course he won’t be attending the wedding.
Post # 20
I know it’s been months since I’ve posted on this topic, but there’s been a new development and I’m not sure how to handle it. I haven’t spoken to my biological father since he said he wouldn’t be coming to the wedding — I have, however, sent him birthday cards, christmas cards and, most recently, the wedding invitation. He sent back an RSVP declining to attend. It seems he’s also been talking to the rest of that side of the family because all I’ve received is declines from them as well. Do I say anything to him? Do I say anything to “his” guests (and my family members), who have declined? I feel like he must not be telling them the entire story, as I honestly can’t imagine anyone refusing to attend their daughter’s wedding because they don’t like the processional arrangements.