Post # 1
I need help. Brandon and I have been together for 8 years and have now decided it was time to get married. My mom passed away 11 years ago so now it just me and Dad. Well here is where the problem is. He told us that we needed to stay under 10k. Ok fine a little tight but we can make it work right. Well I decided I would make a lot of the décor and party favors to save money.
To give a little background….
My reception hall is free
My cake is free
I made the save the date cards
I have a friend that is doing the invites
We have a really big family so our guest list is about 200 people
So I called him with the price of Church and the cater which the church is a little high but the cater is only costing me $12 a per person. Now he has decided that he is only going to spend 5k on everything. And every time we call him with something about the wedding he starts telling me I am spending too much.
Please let me know what you think I should do.
Post # 3
Accept whatever gift he is comfortable giving and pay for the rest yourselves.
Post # 4
Are you or your Fiance able to contribute anything towards the wedding? If your dad can’t swing the original number he gave you, you either need to cut your guest list or look at your own bank account and see what you can do!
Post # 5
I think that’s all you really can do.
Post # 6
Long gone are the days where a bride’s father is responsible for the entire wedding. If he is willing and/or able to help, and offers to do so, accept it graciously but understand as well that he who pays, says. Money often comes with strings.
I say, it is your wedding, so you should pay for it.
*note: I mean “you” as in “you and your FI”, not like YOU and you alone.
Post # 7
“Please let me know what you think I should do.”
You should not expect your father to cover your wedding and be grateful for whatever contribution he’s willing to give. Sure, it sucks that he’s going back on his word but if he doesn’t want to spend that much then you have to respect that. This is your wedding so you should have the event that you can afford. Outside contributions should be treated as a bonus.
Post # 8
Be grateful he’s even helping out. We won’t have that luxury. Neither set of our parents are able to help even a smidgin.
Post # 10
Your right I should be just happy he is helping in some form. It is just upsetting to start planning with a number from him and then everything changes. It’s not that he cannot pay for it. This I know because he is away on business right now and I am taking care of all his bills and his house. It just seems like I put out more than I get sometimes.
Post # 11
@charliebear1613: In all honesty, it’s his money to do with as he pleases. It might be best to come up with a budget that you and your Fiance alone can afford, and if you dad gives you money over and above that, it’s a bonus and a wonderful gift.
Post # 12
Is the money in hand? Because he could lower it again or change his mind all together. Don’t book anything until you do have that gift.
I say plan what you can afford. If he contributes, use that as a bonus (just in case it falls through – it’s happened on here – a LOT).
If he gives it to you upfront, then contribute the remainder yourselves.
Post # 13
What I think you should do is be grateful for what you are given. A lot of people, myself included, have to pay for the entire wedding.
Post # 14
i agree be gratefull you have someone giving you money!! Mr and i are paying for OUR wedding ALONE. and thats the way it should be
Post # 15
While I agree with everyone that you should be grateful for what you’re given, I also wonder at the circumstances behind your dad changing the amount he will give you. Perhaps he’s suffered a financial setback you’re not aware of?
I do think that it’s inconsiderate of him to promise you a certain amount of money and back out after you’ve already started planning the wedding based on a certain budget. But I don’t think there’s much you can do about that.
Post # 16
@Ms. Salamander: +1.
I would ask directly. We are receiving an amount from Fiance family, and they said you spend however, but this is the amount. The rest is us. I liked it this way so I didn’t feel guilty for how I spent it.