(Closed) Dad vs. Step-dad & the aisle (LONG)

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I like the idea of a handoff… that way they are both included in walking u down the aisle…

I have a much diffrent story of urs… but my dad and mom are still married, but my dad and I are not close at all… and there is a guy (father figure) i have that i see as a dad.. and I would like to incorperate poss haveing them both walk me… or I might even walk alone.. Something I know I really have to think about over the time that I have.

Post # 4
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It sounds like you have it figured out and have worked out the argument in a way he can relate to. He’s also had some time with it so it may go better than you think.

Post # 5
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Would you consider letting your dad walk you down and doing the father-daughter dance with step-dad? Or if you’re not doing one, have him do a toast that will highlight how great your relationship is? Though honestly, I think your dad should be more understanding. Maybe he was just surprised and a little embarrassed, and he might still come around. 

Post # 6
Member
1095 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds alot like my situation. My parents divorced when I was 6 and my mom remarried and we moved cities. My step father (that she has also known since she was a teenager) is wonderful and has basically raised me. I have a good relationship with my dad but we arent exactly close. I will be doing a handoff, wherein my mom and step dad walk together, stop halfway, and my father walk out to meet my mom in the middle of the aisle where they will both give me away (Jewish Tradition). I think it’s a great alternative to honor everyone. I know I would not have felt comfortable not including my step-dad at all, as he is super important to me.

Post # 7
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

First off, CONGRATULATIONS on your recent engagement !!

Sounds like you have it worked out, I personally like the idea of the 2 Dads sharing “the honours” for the Day (this stuff is covered off in Rules of Etiquette, like Peggy Post’s *Wedding Etiquette* Book)

Don’t forget there is also the Father-Daughter Dance too.  If you can work thru the issues on Walking You Down the Aisle (the biggie) then the rest are easier

I also like the idea of you using the “Grampa” analogy… as that is your Step-Sister (Daughter of your Dad’s Wife… and I take it no blood relation to you)… that might come in handy when your Dad is trying to “soften up” the lines of communication with his wife in regards to THIS IS ALL FAMILY, and therefore we need to be invested / there for my Daughter as well.

Good Luck, do let us know how it all goes.

PS… There are other situations where you’ll need to take in Dad’s Role as well… (ie Invitations, Receiving Line, Reception Seating etc) but again there are Rules of Etiquette to see you thru this stuff.  Hopefully he’ll be respectable about all this and put YOUR FEELINGS ahead of his, so that these things are easier for you in the long run.  Keep us posted.

 

Post # 8
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

My parents divorced when I was 3, and both remarried when I was around 6. My father, however, did stay local, in fact I lived with both sets of parents back and forth every week until I was 12. Then due to other circumstances with my dad’s new family, I moved in with mom and stepdad.

My dad is an awesome dad and we are very close… BUT my stepdad is ALSO super awesome and he’s just as much of a father figure to me.

I am having them both walk me down the aisle… THEN, what will happen is my stepdad will introduce us into the reception tent, the Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man will give toasts, then my stepdad will give the toast, and “announce” the daddy daughter dance. And I will dance with my real dad. (I’m a little backwards… daddy/daughter, mother/son, and THEN me and FI’s first dance.) My stepdad likes this because he’s very understanding that it’s hard for me to “choose”, and he feels that if he announces it, he’s acting as host and almost “allowing” the daddy/daughter dance to happen this way, so he’s ok with that then lol. And of course, my daddy and I get to dance. (This also works because my dad will CRY A LOT and my stepdad will hold it together much better to give a speech. Don’t need to talk to dance lol.)

I have no clue if any of this will help because I know that you might not be able to incorporate some of the same plans as I have, but I hope it can help in any way!

Post # 9
Member
2363 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - B&B

P.S. I forgot to mention that doing things this way helps them both feel better about having to share me in the aisle, because they both get their special spotlight at the reception… stepdad acting as the host with my mom (because they are) and doing the traditional father of the bride speech, and my dad getting the daddy/daughter dance moment.

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