- 5 years ago
- Wedding: February 2014
I just got done having a crying fit.
My father and I have never been close – in 4th grade my parents divorced and when I was in high school he moved back to Argentina (where he’s originally from.) My mother and I are both American. I saw him regularly when he was here in the United States. He never physically abused my mom or myself but he verbally abused my mother. I grew up terrified of him, simply put – he’s a mean old son of a bitch. He’s miserable.
Every other year I go to visit him and it’s the worst 2 weeks out of my year. He complains constantly. Like that miserable mother on the Sopranos…..times 10. I know, deep down, he loves me and he wants to be a good person but I just don’t love him….it’s a love out of obligation.
He was diagnosed with lung cancer 5 years ago – smoked all his life – by some miracle he “beat” it but still complains – cancer did not wake him up to life. Instead he just saw it as a nuisance. Now he’s struggling with bouts of pneumonia because he still smokes and it’s not safe for him to fly back for the wedding. I should be sad but I’m not – It wouldn’t be right for him to “give me away” I’m feeling guilty because I should want my dad to be there but im glad. I also struggle because sometimes I just pray that he dies quickly because I don’t know how I could uproot my life to go take care of him in Argentina.
I guess I just needed to vent.