(Closed) Dad Won’t Talk Date or Budget

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
420 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Hey, I know what that feels like. My dad did exactly the same thing. I have a hard time discussing money with him, and he is the same with me. I tried to hint at it a few times and nothing came of it. It was very hard to start planning without knowing the budget. I know it sounds impersonal, but I finally did it in an email. And it worked. I think maybe(if your father is anything like mine) he needs time to think about it and consider some things, before he just answers you. Most men are funny about money and maybe on the phone or in person is too much pressure. With an email he has time to think. He may take a few days to reply, but then you know he really thought about it. At first my dad gave me a super small budget. I ended up thanking him but I broke down the costs, and told him that although his contibution was generous, it was not nearly enough. He got back to me with a cost break down of his own, and a new budget. It was awkward for me. And I edited the email for hours, but when I finally sent it, I felt relieved. It was driving me nuts and I hated having to ask. I thought once he knew we set the date, he would just let me know. But we must remember, men are not always the best at putting 2 and 2 together. Now we have started all the arrangements. Try an email! Good luck!

Post # 4
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Maybe you could just plan your own event, run the date by him just out of courtesy, but plan on doing the whole wedding on what you and your Fiance can afford. If your dad decides later that he wants to give you money, you can upgrade a few things or use it for your honeymoon. In this economy it is probably pretty stressful on many parents to pay for their daughter’s weddings. I wouldn’t stress yourself about his contribution, and just look at it as a wonderful gift if he does offer you something.

Post # 5
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with AndreaO that you should just go ahead and plan with what you can afford and if he comes up with money later, upgrade things.  My parents didn’t really care about a specific date, he probably doesn’t either.

Post # 6
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree with AndreaO – start planning your wedding with the budget that you and your Fiance can afford. If he gives you money towards the wedding, that will be an added bonus, but at least then, you’re not waiting around for your dad to make a decision. Definitely run the date by him to be sure he doesn’t have any scheduled business trips or whatnot, but it sounds like he might be skirting the subject b/c he doesn’t have much to give.

I hope things work out for you!

Post # 7
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Even if you can’t get things planned, at least start researching, finding out how much what you want will cost, what you’d be happy with that costs less.

My dad didn’t give me much guidance on how much he was willing to help out at first.  I think in part because it’s an awkward thing and in part because neither of us really knew how much it would cost.  Now that I’m getting venue estimates and an idea of how much it’s costing, he’s been more forthcoming about how much he can give us.  Specificity helps, even if it’s just a range of what different options would cost rather than a contract ready to be signed.

Post # 8
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Are you sure your dad is planning to contribute financially? It sounds like maybe he doesn’t want to but isn’t telling you.

I agree with the posters who suggest planning around a budget that you and your Fiance can afford and setting a date that works for as many people as you know. If your dad chooses to contribute, great! But if not, you’ll still be able to continue with the planning and marriage.

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