- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2016
I just really need to get this off my chest.
when I first talked about my idea for a relaxed, low key backyard wedding party, my father graciously offered to pay for the wedding. We picked a soft starting budget of 5k for ~100 guests. When I was looking at venues, i kept getting dismissed at curfew and tmelimits as well as vendor restrictions. My dad offered the use of his backyard, which was an idea I loved. i kept looking for less DYI venues, bu he was insistent that we do it in the backyard and that it would be cheaper that way…. (Perhaps you can see where this is going…)
Fiance and I cover the invitations, decorations, the photographer, and our attire. My mom (divorced parents) offered to grow! Love flowers for the centerpieces and bake dessert. My brother is manning the iPod for the music. This leaves my father’s budget of 5k to cover catering and tent/table rentals. I book the caterers and the rental company and cc him on the Contracts and email exchanges.
hers where things are to go awry:
1. As host, my father insisted that he invite some of his friends. the first two couples are family friends and I had already assumed they were Going to be on invite list. The next couple I had met once, the two couples after that I had never met. After I had already sent out the invitations, he tells me that I need to invite two more of business friends. Okay fine, good thing we ordered extra invitations! And he’s paying for the food so sure, he can have more people.
With only 80gueats attending, that’s 12 people just his- which is more than the groom- 10 family members flying out!
So now I’m doing seating charts, he tells me that of the 12 people he’s invited, 4 of them can’t be anywhere seated near each other! WHY would you invite feuding people to the same event??
2. We’re renting a tent. I like the idea of lots of string lights. Yet when my dad forwards me the invoice, he’s added LED uplighting to tent, which is not really the vibe I’m going for. Whatever, it’s just lights.
Less than two weeks away, he is freaking the fuck out.
4. Dad calls me to tell me that he talked with the caterers and added on the extra cost raw bar ( raw oysters and clams, in June, outside in a backyard) AFTER we had specifically agreed that most of the guests wouldn’t eat it and we should just do shrimp cocktail and stuffed clams, with cherrystones for the adventurous eater. After we JUST agreed!
5. I do research on what drinks we should have, decide on a modified bar, staffed by friends that work as bartenders. Fiance and I settle on two reds, two whites, three beer selections, a local sparkling wine instead of champagne, and a few handles of hard liquor under the bar for the people that want it, with soda, lemonade, and OJ as mixers and soft drinks.
Dad thinks that HIS friends will want cocktails and that a full bar and bartender is needed – even tho we had ruled that put several months ago for being an unnessisary expense. I’m worried that an open full bar will mean people are going to get wasted- that HE’s going to get wasted as an on/off alcoholic, He books a bartender from the local golf club and informs me after the fact.
6. when I call him to stress that he needs to keep me in the loop and changing decisions after we’ve come to agreement is not okay, he tells me that I’m being ungrateful and he’s such a great father to pay for my wedding and have it at his house, how about a thank you dad! I say, that’s not what I meant, and he starts playing this oh, do you want to have it at someone else’s house, huh? Rent out another house?! Card, and I end up saying, thanks for all your effort dad I really appreciate it.
7. The next day, I have yet another email from him, this one a cc to caterers asking about the timeline, when I had just texted him the timeline I had come up with. I call him, saying hey I sent you the timeline, are you okay with it? Why did you ask the caterers about a timeline when I sent you what I had decided on? And he starts swearing at me that I should check the time on the email ( okay my bad, it was sent before he had my schedule) and that he hasn’t fucking talked to the caterers, so I should stop giving him shit- and I just hung up on him.
I have no idea what He thinks he’s doing with this budget, a raw bar increases the catering by 50%, a bartender is atleast another 1k, another 500 for the extra lights. It’s his money, but I’m terrified that he’s going to say ” oh, well the budget was 5k, I paid 5k, you two paid the rest!” and suddenly we’re on the hook for thousands of dollars.
Am I being bridezilla??? It’s his money, but at this point I also feel like it’s his party!
i’m honestly at the point where I’m just ready to say, you know what, cancel the whole thing, our friends and family have flown in and booked hotels, oh well. FI and I will take them to the beach, we’ll have a cookout at my friend’s house down the street, order fucking pizza, I don’t care,
sorry this is so long. Any advice would be great! I’m just sick of my dealing with my dad!