Daddy issues – HELP!

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

I’ve had a similar situation, my dad left when I was 2, I only used to see him twice a year, and speak to him every couple of weeks on the phone. He never paid any child support, and whenever my mum would get a court ruling to garnish his salary, he’d quit his job and disappear.

When I was 13, he just stopped calling and visiting. Never found out why. It’s been over 20 years now and he’s said nothing, he stayed in touch with my grandmother and aunts (his sisters), but totally abandoned me.

When I was younger, I used to think about seeing him again and having a conversation like the one you’re considering. I wanted him to know how much damage he’d caused, I wanted him to feel bad and apologise. As I got older though, I’d hear second hand snippets of the things he’d told other people, always with him the victim, it was hard on him, he’d tried to stay in touch but kept getting ignored, all complete lies.

 I guess the gist of this long post (sorry!) is that I eventually realised that the conversation would go nowhere because he didn’t think he was the bad guy, he believed all the lies he told himself and others. I’m never going to get the apology, so now he’s never going to have a daughter. It’s really hard to come to terms with the idea that a parent just doesn’t give a damn, and you have my sympathy. 

Let your mum walk you down the aisle, and have a think about how things stand with your dad. Chances are he’ll never change, and you owe it to yourself to be away from the drama.

Sending lots of love, bee

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junohx :  

Post # 17
Member
681 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I had a mother that abandoned me and my siblings and left us with a father that was emotionally, verbally & physically abusive…at times I have (as an adult) tried to have conversations with each of them about my childhood, my feelings, their actions etc – every time it was a failure.  People who can do these things to their children lack the self awareness and insight to see what they did/do and own it.  They do nothing but make excuses and hide behind their own tainted view.
I would suggest writing everything out in a letter and then burning it in a symbolic release of the power he has over you.  Don’t bother confronting him – it will only make you sadder and more frustrated.

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