(Closed) Daddy's Permission VS. Daddy's Blessing

posted 7 years ago in Proposals
  • poll: I would prefer...

    My parents' permission

    My parents' blessing

    Neither, he's marrying ME, not my parents!

    Either one!

  • Post # 18
    Member
    13905 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    It was very, very important of me for DH to tell my dad his intentions. To me, it was a matter of respecting my family enough to be open with them with his plans.  He told both my parents, one-on-one, about a month before proposing.  When he proposed, after I said yes, the first thing out of my mouth was, “Did you ask my dad?”

    Post # 19
    Bee
    1902 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012 - Franklin Plaza

    We joke that DH gave my parents “a heads up” before he proposed. He didn’t ask for permission or a blessing. He was at the house when I wasn’t around. They were talking about my aunt’s upcoming wedding and DH said something along the lines of, “Yea I think Mrs. Coyote is going to be next!” It was very sweet, and I’m very glad he gave them “a heads up.”

    Post # 20
    Member
    2143 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    He’s asking for their blessing. I do not see this as me being ‘property’ at all. 

    View original reply
    @abbie017:  +1 to respecting my family and involving them in such an important event

    Post # 21
    Member
    364 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    MrMojito did not speak to my parents before he asked me to marry him, and I would not have wanted him to. My parents made it clear a long time ago that they are thrilled with our relationship whether we are married or not.  the decision to get married was strictly between the two of us

    Post # 22
    Member
    2902 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Fiance spoke with my Dad the night before and told him he was going to propose. It made my Dad feel special. I loved it. He didn’t ask for blessing or permission, I don’t think those things are necessary these days. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    751 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    View original reply
    @NinjaWings: same here, even the trees would know. Not from my dad (he thinks weddings are a waste of time so he’d probably forget all about it) but my mother is terrible with secrets 😉

     

    View original reply
    @vorpalette: +100 That’s exactly the feeling this tradition gives me.

    Post # 24
    Member
    3194 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Fiance asked my dad. I just wanted my dad to know first (he is very emotional), and I wanted it to be very traditional. my dad would obviously agree that i’m not an item to be given away, but I just wanted the tradition behind it and for him to feel honored in that way (and to get a chance to express his thoughts about marriage to Fiance, because i know they are very profound.)

    Post # 25
    Member
    11231 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Obviously some of us have different family dynamics. Fiance proposing has nothing to do with my family, their “permission,” “blessing,” or otherwise. Even if my dad was alive or my mother and I had a relationship, I would find it odd to “check” with them first.

    Post # 26
    Member
    738 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    My poor Fiance got grilled when he went to tell my parents that he was going to propose and asked for their blessing. My parents are really tough, and they weren’t letting him off the hook easily. I felt really bad for him. But he hung in there and just kept telling them “I love your daughter and I am going to marry her. I would love to have your support and blessing”. He was careful to never say “I want your permission”. haha POOR FI!

    Post # 27
    Member
    8036 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @NinjaWings:  I think that if you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to do it without parents’ permission.

    I figured that asking for the blessing was more of a courtesy than anything these days. Suppose daddy said no – would you really not get married then?

    With that said, I’d be careful of marrying a guy if my mom was against it. She usually has a good eye for these things. She hated my ex with a passion and luckily I realized he was bad news before we got any more involved (i.e. married or I got knocked up). At the time I wished she liked him, but it’s pretty obvious, especially now, why she disliked him so strongly!

    Post # 28
    Member
    481 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I could not imagine my SO asking my dad’s “permission” or for a “blessing”– to me a blessing is something you say over the dinner table before Easter ham. And we’re not religious so I don’t want any blessings.

    If he decided to talk to my parents to let them in on his intentions I would be perfectly okay with that, however.

    I haven’t lived with my parents in 10 years, I don’t know why someone would ask my dad if it was ok to marry me, haha, just seems ridiculous in that context.

     

    Post # 29
    Member
    161 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    @emmalyn:  +1 Great way of putting it!

    I’m an ardent feminist who dislikes many of the misogynistic wedding “traditions,” most of which I will be ditching (veil, garter/boquet toss, being walked down the aisle, etc.) 

    Before FH proposed to me, he visited my mom and his parents to basically let them know that he was proposing. It was more of a courtesy thing than to get anyone’s approval, which was polite of him but not necessary (in my opinion.)

    I doubt that if my mom would have said she did not support us getting married that it would have stopped him from proposing. However, my mom would never say something like that because I’m a grown-ass woman who makes my own decisions and she respects that!

    Post # 30
    Member
    34 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I wanted him to ask my dad, but I guess I never really thought whether it would be for a blessing or for permission.  I know my Fiance essentially asked for permission and my dad replied with “nothing would make me happier,” but added “as long as she agrees.” haha

    Post # 31
    Member
    1009 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Fiance had spoken to both my mother and father separately (while we were on a trip to see my family) and asked for their blessing/permission. Not that it would’ve affected the outcome, but aside from my parents both explaining that if he hurt me, they’d come after him, and to make sure we were BOTH ready for that kind of commitment.

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