(Closed) Daddy's Permission VS. Daddy's Blessing

posted 7 years ago in Proposals
  • poll: I would prefer...

    My parents' permission

    My parents' blessing

    Neither, he's marrying ME, not my parents!

    Either one!

  • Post # 32
    Member
    10361 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    In my mind, there is no difference between permission and blessing. I find both offensive.

    Post # 33
    Member
    1069 posts
    Bumble bee

    I would feel weird if my SO asked my dad’s permission/blessing to marry me. It has nothing to do with my dad. I moved out of my parents house 10 years ago and am now an independent grown woman.

     

    Post # 34
    Member
    719 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014 - South Bonson Pier & Community Centre

    I voted “my parents’ blessing” but really, it’s my mother’s blessing. (i was really put off by the title of the post.) I asked my Fiance to talk to my mom about it before he did it, because i thought it would be nice to keep her included. after all, he told his parents and his brother. i thought it’s only fair.

    but no, i am not a piece of property, and i don’t need a male figurehead to speak to another male in order to decide my future, thankyouverymuch! lol

    Post # 35
    Member
    1585 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Definitely blessing. I want my parents to approve and like my husband to be. If they don’t though? I’m no longer a good to be given away. My partner no longer needs permission to marry me. I want my family on board, but if they aren’t, that’s THEIR problem, not mine.

     

    (Thankfully, my fiance asked for my father’s blessing and my father surprisingly* gave it!)

     

    *Surprisingly because my parents are very religious Jews and my fiance is Irish Catholic. Both he and I are atheists, but my parents swore 8 years ago when we began dating that they would disown me if we ever married. I’m glad they moved past that and accepted him. 

    Post # 36
    Member
    1998 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Definitely a blessing – and not only my father’s but my mother’s too. I’m an adult woman and don’t need my parents’ permission to do anything but I think my parents would really like it if my SO talked to them before asking me to marry him, merely as a gesture of courtesy. I’m very close to my parents, their youngest child and their only daughter so it’s a big deal for them. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    10451 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I think it’s a nice touch if the guy asks. But I think it also depends on the family dynamics. My family is all really tight and my fiancé has been pulled into that, everybody loves him, etc. So he just did it as a show of respect. He knew there wasn’t going to be a ‘no’!

    Post # 38
    Member
    4044 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    @vorpalette:  Yes, this exactly. 

    I would not want to give my parents even an inkling that they had some kind of say in it.

    Post # 39
    Member
    361 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    It was important that he got my Dad’s “blessing” although, I would have married him regardless.  I knew that it was going to happen, as we had been talking about marriage, and I had told him when we starting dating, that I expected that ( a bit old-fashioned!). 

    Then even though he asked my Dad, I needed to share that with my Mom the same weekend, otherwise, she would have been hurt.  They are both so important in my life, that her “blessing” or just plain old love was necessary too!

    Post # 40
    Member
    887 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    My husband asked my grandpa, not my dad. Which was nice on the one hand, because he acknowledged how close I am with my grandpa. But he never asked my dad! Even my grandpa apparently responded with, “well I’m not her father, soo…”  But my dad didn’t care about being asked or not asked. I guess my (very non-religious) family is just not really into that tradition. I think they figure, I’m an adult, I can make my own decisions. And it’s not like I would have called off the wedding if they didn’t agree! Anyhow, they think my husband is great so it was a non-issue.

    Post # 41
    Member
    12244 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I wouldn’t marry a man without my parent’s blessings!

    The one time I almost did, he wound up being the biggest mistake I’ve ever made!

    Post # 42
    Member
    1109 posts
    Bumble bee

    My FH asked for my dad’s permission. I wanted him to and so he did 🙂

    Post # 43
    Member
    9950 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    For the record…

    This is a TRADITION thing… not an Etiquette thing

    So as such, the Tradition will differ from country to country, region to region… and even family to family

    And in some cases, it will also be dependent upon HOW the people involved look upon it.

    (Plenty of Bees here on WBee who would NEVER EVER in a Million Years want this to happen to them)

    As well, there can be a HUGE difference depending on how old the Woman invovled is.

    When I was 20-something the first time, My Ex-Hubby DID NOT speak to my Daddy before hand… other than to outright tell him directly… “We WILL live together / marry if we want to”

    Needless to say, that didn’t go over too well.  But my Daddy stayed out of it all.  Cause he is a man with manners

    It was only this time round, when Mr TTR (at 60+ years old) that he told me he was gonna ask for my Daddy’s “Blessing” that I only really and truly began to understand what it meant to my Father that he wasn’t asked the first time.

    My Dad was tickled pink to be asked… to have him INCLUDED in the process (rather than consulted … whole other thing here)

    Of course he said YES… and wished us all the best.  It was awesome to see him and my Hubby-2B shake hands and pat each other on the shoulder

    Trust me at 50+ years old… no one needs to ask my Daddy permission… but it sure was AMAZING to see that Mr TTR was respectful of my Father’s Role in my life… and as an elderly gentleman that he deserves respect

    To me anyways that is what the tradition is all about

    IF the gal and her Daddy are close… then I think that YES a man should speak his intentions clearly to the Father… and tell the man who raised her that he did a FINE JOB… and that the Groom treasures the woman that she is… and will do all in his power to honour that which was done before him… and that he is making that commitment not only to her but to her whole family (somehow did we forget that the Wedding Vows are usually made with Witnesses?)

    Asking for Permission or Asking for a Blessing is for most women a real connection I think between the Past, the Present, and the Future.  Sort of seals the idea that my Daddy did good by his children… and so my Hubby will do good by ours.

    At least that is how I see it.

    Lol… and I won’t be having any kiddies this time round 😉 *wink*

     

    Post # 44
    Member
    2966 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    we kind of did it backwards. everyone knew we were going to get married (my mom knew we had already bought our rings), so i really didn’t feel like it was necessary to get permission (and i don’t really care much for the idea anyway), but it meant a lot to my parents. so as kind of a compromise, after my husband proposed we talked to my parents together and got their blessing.

    Post # 45
    Member
    2305 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I’ve asked him to ask for my parent’s blessing. Both of them, my parent’s are divorced and I’ve asked that he not only talk to my dad, but to my mom as well (separate, unless he wants to see an explosion). 

    It’s important to me, even though I’ve been living on my own for four years, with him for a year now. Mostly because… my parent’s don’t like my brother’s girlfriend, and I want confirmation that they like mine haha. I also have a very good relationship with my parents, and I feel that if he didn’t confirm with them that they are 100 percent great with him being my husband, that I would be… well shocked.

    It’s weird trying to describe why I want it, aside from saying ‘it’s tradition’, I don’t really know why it’s important to me! But it is haha

    Post # 46
    Member
    1065 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

     

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