Post # 1
I come to you in need of some advice. I have 4 sisters who I love DEARLY and would do anything for…and we have a dad who hasn’t really been there for us very much at all. However, his parents were always great grandparents and incredibly fun. Well, the week before I got engaged, my father introduced my two older sisters to his mistress. Yes, his mistress. He and my stepmother (his third wife) had been talking about a divorce but at the time were still living together. Anyways, he invited my older sister, A, to a bar and A asked my oldest sister, N, to go with her. When at the bar, my dad proceeded to introduce them to his “girlfriend”, who happens to be just ONE YEAR older than N!
When they got home, they called my grandma to ask for advice on what to do in the awkward situation. However, my grandma took it as just another complaint about my dad. Some words were said and she hung up the phone on my sisters. I should say that my grandma has had 3 surgeries for brain anurysms in the past 6 months. This, of course, doesn’t excuse her behavior IMO.
While I was on my fabulous engagement trip, my dad’s sister sent a nasty message on facebook to A and N saying how dare they bother my grandma with this and not stay out of dad and stepmom’s divorce. She called them incredibly ungrateful and said that they should be ashamed of themselves.
I didn’t hear of what my aunt had said until I got back from my trip. When I text my grandma about my engagement, her response was, “good 4u. I’m sleepin”. I was hurt, to say the least. When I returned from my trip, my dad called N to yell at her for supposedly “spilling the beans” to stepmom about the affair. He refused to listen to her when she tried to explain that it was his stepson’s boyfriend that had said something. When I heard of this, I became even more distraught.
There is more to the story, but this is all I can fathom to say now, please don’t hesitate to ask though. In the past 4 weeks, almost his entire family has disowned 2 of my sisters and I can’t help but be by my sisters in all of this. But what do I do about my dad? Do I let him walk me down the aisle? Do I invite his family? Part of me doesn’t want anything to do with them anymore.
Post # 3
Wow, what a storm!!! I have a big family miself but drama is rare, fortunatelly! Sorry, i don’t have a good advise..i would definetly step away from that big mess (meaning leaving your dad do whar he wants with his life), patch up with your grandmother and do what your heart tells you about your wedding…how about eloping or a small wedding with just your sisters and grandparents???
Post # 4
@MissThespian: meet and talk with your sisters abut this I think. If you dont want your dad etc to be at your wedding it is your choice.
Post # 5
Wow. What a crazy. When I found out my Dad was cheating on my mum I had the same reaction. No way was this guy coming anywhere near my wedding. He hurt me, my mum, and doesn’t believe in the sanctity of marriage. BUT, I spoke to SO about it, and he said I’d (most likely) regret not having him there and not having him walk me down the aisle. Your wedding is still way way out, this is all too fresh at the moment I think. Don’t make any rash decisions. Definitely stick by your sisters, but family is still family and I think that in time this will blow over – here’s hoping.
Post # 6
Unfortunately the grandparents are against my sisters and I as well. I spent an hour on the phone with my grandpa, hysterically crying, only for him to tell me that this was all our fault and they have absolutely nothing to apologize for. That we are the ones who have abandoned them. I was practically hyperventilating and he didn’t seem to care one bit. To make matters worse, tonight my grandma’s sister posted a comment on a picture of N and my grandpa stating “who has your heart now since you abandoned your grandpa for NO reason”…just one more thing to be upset about…A then bitched at my dad about it and dad proceeded to tell her that we had brought this on ourselves…how? I haven’t the faintest idea…
I should also mention that my dad cheated on my mom which led to their divorce…his second marriage lasted 7 years and this third one is also at the 7 year mark…
Post # 7
Wow. Well, frankly, this all sounds so ridiculous and immature that I’d probably tell them all to grow up and do my best to stay the hell away from the whole lot of them until they come to their senses. If your wedding date is really in May 2014, you have over a year before you need to start making firm decisions about who will escort you down the aisle and who to invite.
Post # 8
@sportsgal31: thanks 🙂 and very true…it’s just so hard to deal with this now when I’m supposed to be excited about my engagement, you know?
Post # 9
Your father is at fault. If he invited them to meet his new gf, and not tell them to keep it secret, how were they expected to know to keep it secret? Yelling at N is immature.
That said, your sisters were silly to phone your grandmother. Your father’s love life – especially now he has long since divorced your mother – is not their business.
Your aunt and grandparents are acting immature too, apparently blaming you for your sisters’ indisgression.
So I see a lot of people in the wrong. I suggest talking to your dad, and giving everyone else time to get over it. For your wedding, assume things don’t improve, I would invite your father’s family and sit them all at the one table where they can ignore everyone else if they wish.
Post # 10
@paula1248: Thank you for your comment…although I agree with most of what you said, I should set the record straight and say that the main reason my sisters called my grandma wasn’t to complain but ask for advice on how to handle the situation, since they were taken aback by it…I do, however, think that they should have just told us and not said anything to my grandma, even if it was looking for advice, for the simple fact that they know how stubborn she can be and how much she likes to jump to conclusions without hearing the full story…
My father and I will be sitting down for lunch or dinner within the next two weeks…my plan is to tell him that this needs to stop or I can’t have any of them at my wedding…it is unfair to me and everyone else indirectly involved.