Post # 1
So here’s a complicated story. My parents have been divorced for years- it happened bc it needed to, and each are better off on their own. However, after they got divorced (this wasn’t the reason for it), dad started seeing a woman who was my parents very dear friend throughout their marraige. She was even in their wedding! My parents (when married) and she and her then husband used to vacation together, watch each others kids, even spent some holidays together. Her husband then died, and being a good friend, my dad was a source of support for her. Fast forward a few years, my parents divorce and some mourning on her part later, and she and my dad are casually together. They aren’t planning a wedding of their own or anything, but spend a lot of time together, travel together, etc.. I would categorize them more as comanions than lovers, but I DO NOT LIKE HER. My mom, who feels incredibly betrayed by this whole situation, also doesn’t like her, and isn’t happy about the whole dating situation. The said ‘other woman’ knows im not a fan, does her best to stay out of my way and we rarely see each other (last time was 3 years ago). You might say I have been very vocal about my opinion of her a little too loudly to my dad on many occasions. Rather than fight it, he just choses to not tell me about her, and we are both OK with that. However, with wedding planning in the mix, and with dad paying for the wedding… does he get a date??? This hasn’t been a discussion topic yet, but I know it will come up sooner than later. I honestly think I can get over it and let her come – noone said I have to talk to her! But if she’s there and it makes my dad happy I will likely live. My biggest woe is thinking about my mom. I know she will be so caught up in wedding fun, but I really don’t want to put her in that position, and regardless of what she tells me, I know having that other woman there will just make her skin crawl.. Thoughts on what to do?? I’d rather be prepared for this convo ahead of time then be caught off guard!
Post # 3
I think you need to invite her and hope she doesn’t come realizing it’s for the best.
I’m in the (almost) same boat. Dad left mom for another woman and she is now dating one of his (former) best friends. He finds the sitation incredibly awkward but can’t really say anything about it. I can’t stand him and everyone knows it, but he’s invited, and (unfortunately) will likely be coming.
Post # 4
@MSbride2Bee: I say no. If he asks about his plus one or bringing her or whatever, just tell him ‘Dad, I think it would be best for everyone involved if you didn’t bring Shiela. You know there are some bad feelings between her and mom and I don’t want any drama on my wedding day.’ You should try to accept this woman as your dad’s Girlfriend in the future and act like an adult about it, but I think your mom’s feelings are more important here. The chances are this woman probably won’t be offended about not getting an invite and it might actually make her really uncomfortable to attend a wedding where the bride and her mother hate her.
Post # 5
I think you should invite her but tell your Mum that you are doing so….you are all adults & just have to get along for everyones sake. Its not like there was any cheating going on or anything. If she had done something bad to you guys then it would be different. I think it would be very immature to NOT invite her and you probably wont get away with it being that your Dad is paying.
Post # 6
I can see how your mom might feel a little hurt. However, and this is the “tough love” hat going on, you’re all adults and you need to suck it up. This is very much the moment for your parents as it is for you and your fiance. As your parents I’m sure they are both very excited about this time in your life and looking forward to celebrating with/for you, and they should be able to do so with their partner no matter who it is. If they are a couple, the proper thing to is invite them together.
I can understand if this relationship started when they were still married, but it didn’t. Everyone was divorced (or widowed) and several years have clearly gone by. I equate it like this – you don’t like her, and I’m sure your reason is very valid to you. However, how would you feel if your dad (for whatever reason, even if you don’t feel it’s justified) *hated* your fiance and wanted to invite you to HIS wedding but you’d have to come alone. Now, you love your fiance so I’m assuming you’d be pretty hurt? I’d venture to say your dad would probably be hurt if his girlfriend wasn’t invited.
Post # 7
If you are close to your mom and you know the presence of your dad’s girlfriend will make the day less special for her, I say no. The sticky thing is that your dad is paying…but maybe he will understand? That’s why I’m glad SO and I plan to finance our own wedding (even if it’d be nice to have help) – you can really make all your decisions and no one can say anything about it! :S
Post # 8
Because your parents are no longer married, and because your father is paying for your wedding, he absolutely should be able to bring his girlfriend, if he so chooses.
Post # 9
I agree that while it SUCKS to have to invite her (I hope she just doesn’t come out of respect for you and your mom) it is something you should probably do…
Hell. My dad is currently with a 23 year old girl who went to the same high school as me in my same grade (he’s 45). He left my step-mom, who I love dearly, for her. Now my step-mom isn’t coming to the wedding because she’s so hurt (and my dad scolded me for inviting her). Needless to say, I wish this booty-short wearing hussy would just fall off the face of the planet at leave my family and crazy dad alone. But no, she’s coming to my wedding. I don’t even know if she owns a dress…. lord forbid if she shows up in her daisy dukes I’ve only ever seen her in… So I guess what I’m trying to say is, if I can invite the skank patrol, maybe you all can also endure one night just to keep everyone at bay? As hard as it is… I’m right there with you! Good luck!
Post # 10
You need to talk to DAD. I think he realizes hard feelings. In general, you are under no obligation to invite anyone’s Girlfriend. I think the “adults should grow up” arguement (eg invited Girlfriend and tell mom to grow up) falls down at a child’s wedding. Anyone else’s wedding, fine, mom can just stay home. This one, she cant.
Post # 11
If she’d broken up their marriage, I would definitely say don’t invite her!
But they got together after your parents got divorced. So if your DDad wants to invite her, I would give him your blessings!
Post # 12
@Brielle: –>100% this
Etiquette Snob here… lol
Both your Parents as immediate family members over the age of 18 should have the option of bringing a Guest (Plus One) with them as their companion / escort… and that can be whomever they so choose.
So for example in your Mom’s instance, she could bring a date, or someone who she would like to have there for moral support that day (seeing your Daughter marry is a big deal)… so she might invite a Girlfriend she is close to. Or she also has the option of inviting no one.
Same thing for your Dad. He might invite this lady friend, or not. But he deserves the option.
Now based on what you have written here… I am guessing that despite the fact you aren’t crazy about this woman she does seem to exhibit some class… (she can read you and keeps her distance when appropriate) so I’m guessing she’ll actually decline the Invite when your Dad poses it.
Hope this helps,
Post # 13
I doubt your dad is planning on bringing someone he knows you hate and whom you haven’t seen in three years to your WEDDING, no?
Post # 14
As per your story, your dad didn’t cheat on your mom with the ex best friend. Had that been the case, I would definitely not invite her. However, several years after the divorce, they happen to enjoy each other’s company, there’s nothing wrong with that. Give him an invite, he’s your dad and he’s paying for the wedding. He may invite her or not, she may accept or not, your mom may or may not invite someone. There are a lot of possibilities and as adults, they’ll figure it out.
Post # 15
She is not the cause of your parent’s relationship ending. After the divorce, your mom does not have a say in who your dad can be in a realtionship. Is it a bit weird that this was a friend of your mom’s? Of course. But other than being a family friend it doesn’t sound like she has done anything to deserve this hatred from you, unless there is more to the story you aren’t sharing. If this woman wasn’t a friend of your mom’s would you still be so upset with your dad for dating her?
Your wedding is over a year away, I think you all need to suck it up and act like adults. He is your father and he has chosen this woman to be his companion. If her only offense to you is being your father’s girlfriend, you need to let it go and move past it.
Post # 16
- Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand
Since its obvious they’ve been “together” for years AND your dad is paying for the wedding, you kinda have to invite her. I think it’s very mature of you to be rational and understand you probably won’t have much interaction, if any, with her. I agree with PPs that you should give your mom the heads up before she hears if from someone else.