(Closed) Dads GF is mom's ex best friend… invite her??

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 33
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee

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@TexasSpringBride:  I agree as well.

 

I think everyone needs to just ‘get over it’. If they’ve been together for 3 years, then that shows they really have something together. I think your mom’s feelings about this woman influences yours. That’s OKAY! It’s definitely hard, but your Dad is happy and you need to take some time to look inside and see why YOU are angry about the situation. Things happen, and although they were uncomfortable for you and your mother, it is his life.

I would invite her and use your wedding day as a pivotal point in mending the relationships between everybody. Someone needs to step up and include her, and that person could be you.

If she is bitter, only love and kindness will cure it.

Post # 34
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@MSbride2Bee:  In truth i never do anything that would make my mom unconfy. I think if your dad and mom split on good terms he can respect that she would be very unconfy if she feels betrayed by that women.(weather he agrees or not) 

 

also if he is aware you don’t like her i can’t see him expecting to make both the BRIDE and the mother of the bride unconfy no one should be unconfy and really what will impact someone more ….. will he feel terrible she not there and will that ruin your wedding for him ? No, Yes?  Will it put a thron in your moms day all day seeing this women she called her friend all over her ex husband? Yes, No? who will it impact more and worse 

 

and lastly will it get on ur mind over the day. I mean are you gonna be peeking at your mom and smile for a min all happy but then think about this women being there and how its impacting her? 

 

 

Post # 35
Member
2777 posts
Sugar bee

@MSbride2Bee:  I too think you should invite her. It’s not like your dad had an affair with her and he IS paying for your wedding. Not to be mean, but who your dad dates now that you’re divorced isn’t really any of her business anyway. Maybe you can try to set your mom up with someone so she can have a date as well?

Post # 36
Member
13930 posts
Honey Beekeeper

The only people who automatically get a + 1 are those who are married, engaged or living together. However your Dad is host, so obviously that’s a little different. I say your Dad should have enough sensitivity not to bring her unless the relationship becomes more than what it is.

Post # 37
Member
11259 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@MSbride2Bee:  as a matter of fact, my ex husband did start dating one of my friends that i used to work with within a few months. 

also, another ex that i was with for 9 years started dating a friend of mine who we had both worked with.  they were engaged within the year.

so, yeah, i can honestly say that this has happened to me.  twice.  it did not bother me at all.  i wished them well.  i had moved on and was happy that they did too.

Post # 38
Member
1768 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@MSbride2Bee: no, don’t invite her. They are only “friends”. I wouldn’t hurt my mom like that.  Your dad should understand this.

 

Post # 39
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I vote no. If your father knows she makes YOU uncomfortable-not just your mother, than hopefully he is assuming she will not be a guest because your feelings toward her. If he hasn’t stood his ground proudly displaying her as a girlfriend then I don’t see why he would decide to do so on your wedding day. I know he is paying for your wedding so technically he should get a date but does he really want her there stirring the pot knowing your vocal opinions of her? Has he asked you if she can come? Usually people who get a plus one as far as couples go are either ‘dating, living together, or engaged’. If he has not offically annouced their relationship then I would assume she would not be there. On the flip side, if she is coming I hope you and your mother still have an amazing time regardless of a unwanted guest. Best of luck!!

Post # 40
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Of course she “swooped in quickly” – they had been friends for years! It’s extremely common for people who have been friends first to move quickly in a relationship. He was her support when her husband died, she supports him through the divorce and bam! a relationship forms. 

I agree with everyone who says that it’s time to accept her. At the very least, invite her (by name!) to the wedding. But I really think you should be inviting her to family events (not your mother’s side of course, but your father’s side). She IS family really, if your parents were as close with her before the divorce as you claim then she was almost family then too. 

Your dad has a new woman in his life and I’m sure it pains him how much everyone seems to hate her. Invite her to the wedding that he is paying for. 

Post # 41
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

 

This is a tough one!

In all honesty, if you want to take the high road you have to invite her… that being said, the most gracious thing for her to do would be to decline.

Talk to your dad. See if he can play the buffer here to help you reach that resolution.

Post # 42
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

If you dont like her there is nothing that says you have to invite her, father’s gf or not. Etiquette does not outweigh your personal feelings and you obviously do not wish to have her there. Furthermore, your mother would be hurt and she didn’t do anything to deserve being hurt especially at her daughter’s wedding.

As a PP stated earlier on, have a convo with your dad and let him know that you love him and understand he cares for this woman but, to ensure there is no drama, she will not be invited. She is only your dad’s gf. Not family, not his fiancée and certainly not his wife.

 

Post # 43
Member
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I’d like to share my experience to show things don’t have to get complicated. 

We got married this year (only civilly, though, The big day is our ceremony in Church next Year). My husband’s Parents got divorced like six years ago or so, it was quite nasty and they never talked to each other since. My Mother-In-Law only ever refers to my Father-In-Law as “Mister so and so” which I find so childish. In any Case, my husband was Planning Not to invite his Father, as WE were only such a small Group (parents, siblings, witnesses) and he was afraid them Not Talking or worse would ruin everything. 

I told him they just should pull themselves together for a day. And they did. there hasn’t been a Single issue. My Mother-In-Law even brought a flower for my FIL’s jacket (to Match my Brother-in-law’s). 

 

So what i wanna say is that maybe it won’t be half as Bad as you fear now. 

 

I’d talk to your mum First to let her know and then let your dad know she’s invited. Which i would do regardless of whether he’s paying. she is his Partner After all and she wasn’t The reason for The divorce (Even though dating your best friend’s ex Clearly is a no-go for me as well). 

good luck!

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