(Closed) Dad's health…just looking for some understanding

posted 6 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
8363 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Honestly you just have to push it aside and focus on the positives. I am really sorry you are going through this but it is important to cherish the moments you have and create as many memories as you can. From my experiences (I have cancer which has reoccurred 5 times and have recently finsihed chemo) worrying just makes things worse all round. It is about accepting that there are things in life you can control (time spent together, having great relationships etc) and things that you can’t (bad health, death and loss). It is hard to get passed the worry and you never really do but don’t let envelope you and your life.

Good luck an I hope for everyones sake the news is just of the bad variety ๐Ÿ™

Post # 4
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 1997

I am sorry you are hurting right now. Just know that no matter what you learn tomorrow. The most important thing to remember is that, he is loved. He has a family, he has you! Never give up hope, miracles happen. Spend time with him and know that you are doing all you can do for him. Accept that you can still enjoy your time together and try to forget about his illness and just focus on him.

Don’t forget to take care of yourself. Be strong for him, by being healthy and happy yourself. Focus on living, because worrying about dying is a waste of time. And time is one of the few things that goes by too fast to waste a single second of, worrying.

I will place him and your family in my prayers tonight. 

Post # 5
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m so sorry you are hurting.  I can empathize.  We just found out my grandmother has stomach cancer so it’s been hard as hell.  It is hard to stay positive but it’s what my grandmother wants so we are trying.  I’ve cried about it privately and then tried to just enjoy spending time with her and focusing on something other than her health.


You have my sympathies.

Post # 6
758 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m sorry you’re going through this.  My dad was diagnosed with an aggressive form of prostate cancer in March, just as my mom’s health was taking a turn for the worse.  They’re divorced and he lives a ten hour drive from where we’re at.  My dad and I have always had a great relationship, but it was the opposite with my mom.  In April she passed and he was getting ready for surgery.  For these two things to be happening at the same time really shook my perception of how things are.

 And worrying was an every moment event.  Not knowing is the worst. Before my mom got her ALS diagnosis there were tests for everything and not knowing was awful.  My dad is definitly one of those “Well, that’s that…now what do we do?” kind of people.  But like previously mentioned, you have to focus on the positives and the good.  I hope there’s nothing but good news for your dad, but on the off chance that it is bad news, try not to worry constantly.  Easier said that done, I know. ๐Ÿ™‚ But I think it’s easier once you know exactly what’s going on and can focus on the “what now” aspect of things.  And, seriously,  make the most of the time you have with him, even if this is a no big deal sort of thing ๐Ÿ™‚ 


Sorry this was so rambly! I’m gettting ready to go to bed and I’m not all here ๐Ÿ˜› Best wishes for your dad and your family! <3

Post # 7
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I just wanted to say I’m thinking of you and sending thoughts & prayers your way!

Post # 8
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013


 I have been in a similar boat several times. My mom has a rare autoimmune disease that caused permanent and severe kidney damage so she’s been on dialysis for 6 years. Those problems have led to several complications and she nearly died THREE TIMES in 2010 alone. Those 3 months of ups and downs and not knowing were the absolute WORST. In all honesty, I think that waiting and not knowing things is the worst part of the whole experience.

My fiance’s dad died suddenly of a heart attack Christmas – New Years 2008 – 2009 and that was absolute torture. I’ve also watched both of my grandfathers succumb to cancer.

So at the very least, just know that you are NOT alone. I don’t know how old you or your parents are, but one of the toughest things for me was that at our age, NONE of our friends understood what we were going through. I actually lost a few friends because of the way they treated us over the situation(s). It may be hard finding someone who can truly relate to you or even be there for you unconditionally, but believe me you aren’t the only one who is dealing with something like this.

I know it’s hard and you’ll probably hate me for saying this, but you have to do everything in your power to stay positive. Do it for yourself and for him. I truly believe that positive thinking is one of the only things that pulled my mom through her complications so many times.

And don’t be afraid of what you’re feeling. There are times when you are going to feel like your world is ending and you can’t even breathe. Cry. Scream. Throw stuff.  And there will be days where you feel giddy and want to laugh and have fun. Don’t feel guilty and don’t try to hide your feelings. Just try not to let them consume you. Try reading, writing in a journal, listening to music, or even seek out a therapist.

Just don’t cut yourself off from other people and the rest of the world. Even if things end badly or take a bad turn, I promise there IS another side to sadness. It may not feel like it, but I even worked with a guy who lost a son to suicide and he was one of the happiest, most positive people I ever met. The best piece of advice he ever gave me was, “I can focus on what I lost, or focus on what I have.”

It may be the hardest thing you ever have to do or go through, but just remember: you are not alone and most people WILL have to go through something like this at some point in their life.

Just try to take one day at a time. Stay positive. Surround yourself with supportive people/tools. And unfortunately, in cases like this, “the only way out is through.”

You will survive no matter what happens, and you will be stronger because of it.  

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