I have been in a similar boat several times. My mom has a rare autoimmune disease that caused permanent and severe kidney damage so she’s been on dialysis for 6 years. Those problems have led to several complications and she nearly died THREE TIMES in 2010 alone. Those 3 months of ups and downs and not knowing were the absolute WORST. In all honesty, I think that waiting and not knowing things is the worst part of the whole experience.
My fiance’s dad died suddenly of a heart attack Christmas – New Years 2008 – 2009 and that was absolute torture. I’ve also watched both of my grandfathers succumb to cancer.
So at the very least, just know that you are NOT alone. I don’t know how old you or your parents are, but one of the toughest things for me was that at our age, NONE of our friends understood what we were going through. I actually lost a few friends because of the way they treated us over the situation(s). It may be hard finding someone who can truly relate to you or even be there for you unconditionally, but believe me you aren’t the only one who is dealing with something like this.
I know it’s hard and you’ll probably hate me for saying this, but you have to do everything in your power to stay positive. Do it for yourself and for him. I truly believe that positive thinking is one of the only things that pulled my mom through her complications so many times.
And don’t be afraid of what you’re feeling. There are times when you are going to feel like your world is ending and you can’t even breathe. Cry. Scream. Throw stuff. And there will be days where you feel giddy and want to laugh and have fun. Don’t feel guilty and don’t try to hide your feelings. Just try not to let them consume you. Try reading, writing in a journal, listening to music, or even seek out a therapist.
Just don’t cut yourself off from other people and the rest of the world. Even if things end badly or take a bad turn, I promise there IS another side to sadness. It may not feel like it, but I even worked with a guy who lost a son to suicide and he was one of the happiest, most positive people I ever met. The best piece of advice he ever gave me was, “I can focus on what I lost, or focus on what I have.”
It may be the hardest thing you ever have to do or go through, but just remember: you are not alone and most people WILL have to go through something like this at some point in their life.
Just try to take one day at a time. Stay positive. Surround yourself with supportive people/tools. And unfortunately, in cases like this, “the only way out is through.”
You will survive no matter what happens, and you will be stronger because of it.