- 6 years ago
So for a little bit of background, my parents got divorced when I was younger because my dad was having an affair with the woman he is currently married to. Let me say now that although it has taken me years and years of overcoming my fathers lies and the way he treated my mother, I cannot say if I will ever be over it. Well, a few months after the divorce was final, a new woman, and her son came to live with me, my dad, and my brother. To this day, I still feel so much resentment because we were treated like we needed to live our lives the way she did. I remember being mocked because my dad bought me a pair of Nike tennis shoes, and I told her about it, and her exact words were “I wouldnt expect you to want anything less than that” like I was a spoiled brat and I did’nt deserve to have a decent pair of shoes. To name every situation that happened, well it would take me all day. But they were all like the shoe thing. She could do whatever she wanted and we had to abide by the rules. My mother lived in the same town, but eventually ended up moving to the other side of the US. Whenever my brother and I would talk about my mom and what we did together, my dad’s wife would say some snide comment and get angry just because we were talking about our mom. At her bridal shower, in front of all my family, someone asked how long she had been with my dad, and she replied “4 years”. My dad had been divorced for 2. I was crused. She is extremely bi-polar (not diagnosed, I dont think), and she would just get pissed off at everyone for no reason and this continued until…well she still does. Needless to say, she really was less than fit to be a mother, or in my opinion, to exist.
Well, years go on and I moved out of the house the first chance I had. As soon as I moved out, I never saw her, other than the few times I would go over to my dad’s house because I hadn’nt seen him in months. The few times that her and I saw each other, were better than they ever had been, but by no means were we “civil”. My dad would mention to me on and off (via text) that he and her weren’t doing well and I never believed it because he never divorced her, or did anything about the way she treated people. Well, one day my dad called me and said that they were done. They were working on getting seperate homes. They told my brother and her son that they were seperating. My dad told me every little detail about how much of a bit*h she was to them. I was so excited, beyond explanation. The person who had wronged my family and I was finally starting to get out of our lives and I could have my dad back. Meanwhile, one weekend I was trying on dresses and she didn’t know I was going to be there, but showed up with her friend. Wehn she came over to talk to me, I was polite and introduced my friends, etc. When I left I could’nt find her, so I never said goodbye. Well, she had the nerve to go home and complain to my dad that I was being rude and she was dissapointed and I didnt say goodbye.
Fast foward until NOW> One month before our wedding. My dad never moved out, she never moved out, he never told me this, they jst decided to stay together. Well, that doesnt change the fact that my dad told me all the horrible things that she has said or done throughout the years. So I had been pondering not letting her come to the wedding. I have thought about it, and I finally told my dad that I wasnt going to let her come. He was very angry and he told me I needed to stop holding grudges and forgive people, and if she couldnt come niether would he. I know this is really long and Im sorry, but If you read it, will you please give me some advice because he is guilt tripping me every day and trying to make me feel bad. He has paid a total of 3,000 for our wedding which is probably totaling close to 20k, or more. As bad as this sounds, I would rather them both not come to my wedding than her be there. She does nothing but bring back bad memries, and I dont want to see her on my wedding day.
Am I right?