(Closed) dad/step dad to walk me down the aisle/give me away

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m in  a similar situation. My step-dad hasn’t been around as long as yours, but it feels like he should have been my dad from the start and I can’t imagine him any other way. My father was absent for the majority of my life. The only exception was when he would pop up once in awhile every few years to give my sister and I a glimmer of hope only to have it crushed again. I’ve just started talking to him again in the last year. I don’t talk to him too often and it’s rocky when I do. 

My Grandpa has pretty much been the only male role model in my life other than my step-dad so I wanted to have him involved too. Even though my dad hasn’t been around it still felt wrong for me to not include him somehow. It’s a difficult and personal decision… In the end if my Fiance and I are able to have the wedding we want my dad will walk me halfway to meet my Grandpa. My Grandpa will then give me away and my Step-Dad will have the honor of dancing with me at the reception. I liked this because it allowed my dad to be involved a little and the day progressed to showcase the two most important men (other than my FI) in my life. 

If allowing him to walk you down the aisle (in part or whole) rubs you the wrong way maybe you could assign him another task? He could give a reading that you select or prepare. You could even just give a nice nod to him in your program. I’ve seen plenty of people do the half-way thing along with allowing two people to walk them down if the space permitted.

Post # 5
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I know our situations are probably different, but my dad is the same way. In his mind he did the best he could and was still a good father. I don’t get it… especially since mine wasn’t around to even be a dad, but ah well. If you don’t want to take it away from him then your two original options are perfect. That’s a tough one to pick though. My relationship with my dad hasn’t really progressed much (in fact it’s regressed a bit in the last 6 months) so having him walk me all the way down the aisle wasn’t something I was too keen on. Since you are so close to your step-dad it sounds like you are leaning towards splitting the walk between them.

How do you feel when you run though both scenarios in your head? Is there one that particulary stands out or do you feel the same about both? I’m sorry that I’m not being more helpful. I battled with this for over 5 months before i could make up my mind. I think my ideas flip-flopped about three times during that time frame too.

I think the fact that you even want to incorporate him in your wedding is very caring of you and says a lot about your character. You seem like a very sweet individual.

Post # 7
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Its completely your personal decision…how you want things to go around…..but you have to consider both of your Dad’s wishes also……As you said they wants to walk you down the aisle but have you told them that you want both of them to do that…….if not yet then i would suggest you to tell them about your feelings soon and ask their opinion about it……
If both feel comfortable with it…then what else you wish……..but if either of them not ready for this then i would suggest you to don’t force them…..and ask them what they want and then decide……

Post # 8
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@cas0604: I’m in the same boat as you! I have asked my dad and my stepdad to walk me down the aisle. I’m pretty sure they are both going to walk me completely down the aisle. My biological father and I do not speak very often and if we do it is bc I have called him or made the effort to go see him. I’m pretty sure that he did not know what day my wedding was until not too long ago. He has not contributed anything to my wedding. Not a penny, not emotional support… Nothing! And to make matters worse I am probably going to end up paying for his suit. It’s quite insane. But he’s my father and I do not want to hurt his feelings so I’m going to pay for his suit and pray that he actually shows up.

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