Post # 1
My FH’s dad and stepdad will be at our wedding, of course, and we have a close relationship with both. I would like to have his stepdad say a blessing during the ceremony and his dad give a toast at the reception right after but he thinks that would make people feel uncomfortable. I think it’s a way to include them both without having them do the same thing. How do I make my FH see it isn’t a bad thing and it would make both of them feel special?
My dad can’t be there in person due to health reasons but we’re planning on hooking up a video camera to the laptop and using skype to have him “at” the wedding. I am wanting to run a microphone from the computer to have my dad say a few words too. This would definitely warrant having his stepdad and dad say something, right?
Please help. I don’t want to upset my FH but I truly believe the dads will be touched and honored to say something at our wedding and not uncomfortable at all. Heck, his dad is pretty funny and I’m looking forward to hearing what he has to say.
Post # 3
Who does he think would be uncomfortable?
Post # 4
I would be interested to find out why your FH thinks people would be uncomfortable hearing both his dad and stepdad speak at the wedding. Maybe there’s some lingering unrest between his dad’s family and his stepdad’s family? The thing about weddings is that everyone gets together to celebrate the occasion, even families that have been avoiding each other previously, so people would just have to “suck it up” if they don’t like seeing the step-family.
Anyway, you should find out your FH’s reasoning on this one, and ask him if he’s OK with including his stepdad but not his dad in the “events” of the day. But I guess in the end, it’s his decision what to do with his family at his wedding.
(And your idea of having your dad skype in is pretty cool. You could reserve a seat in his honor too.)
Post # 5
@jenbrandner: I’m not sure why he thinks people would feel uncomfortable really. All of us do things as a family on special occasions anyway. His dad’s gf and mom talk regularly and his mom is in constant touch with his dad’s side of the family. My FH is not really a public sort of person and I think he’s worried about being embarrassed aout what they might say, mostly his dad I’m sure. His dad is kind of a smart ass but in a nice way. He’s really funny. His stepdad is a religious person who always leads us in prayer and is also funny. Fr these reasons I thought it would be great to have them both contribute separately and in different ways so as not to seem like they were in any competition to do one better than the other.
Our wedding is all about family and friends coming together to celebrate a long awaited (almost 10 years) marriage. I just wanted to make sure that all the parents were able to participate somehow. (I haven’t figured out what to do for the mothers yet.)
I will broach the subject with FH again this week. I didn’t want to do it over the holiday. I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable during the wedding or reception but I also don’t want to feel as if it was incomplete because the dads didn’t participate in some way. How do I find a happy medium for both of us? I know FH would be fine with it all once it was said and done but I don’t want him to feel as if he had no say either. Aahhh! Maybe we should have gone to the JOP. lol J/K It’s going to be spectacular!
Post # 6
@jenbrandner: I LOVE the idea of reserving a seat for my dad and his wife! Thank you for that one!
Post # 7
i think you should listen and understand your fiance more as it’s his family and he knows them best.
I think hooking up a video-camera for your dad is a wonderful idea and very touching.
Personally, I prefer seeing only parents make blessings, speeches, etc at weddings. I find it bad taste having step-parents involved in these things at weddings as from my experience it often causes distress for some family members.