(Closed) Dadzilla! HELP!!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Relax.. Are you in a financial state to pay for this on your own? It sounds like you need to sit down and have a long talk with your dad. Yall need to agree on something. Tell him how you are feeling. If he still refuses to help then take matters in your own hands. If he asks why you didnt consult him.. remind him of the talk you had. I hope it all works out.

Post # 4
Member
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

My Father-In-Law was a total Dadzilla (cared so much about venue, decor, food, etc – it was weird!) And we nipped it in the bud my insisting he not pay for anything, problem solved. 

I agree with the above poster, you need to sit down with you dad and plan a detailed budget (i.e. specifically set a budget for DJ, photographer, and all the other vendors whom he thinks might rip you off.) If you can’t be on the same page, I would consider saving and paying for the wedding yourself. 

Post # 5
Member
3823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Sadiepoo:  I had the same issue. My Dad works at a community center that hosts weddings all the time so he was all “oh I know how these things work.” But as soon as I started bringing him proposals, he thought I was trying to have a wedding fit for the Royal Family. 

I pulled comps and did a LOT of research – even surveying friends. I created a powerpoint presentation with pictures and budgets showcasing the history of weddings and how catering started as far back as the 1920s and the increase of costs in our area (Baltimore is listed as #14 for the most expensive place to have a wedding). 

I did all of this and also showed him photos of a friend’s wedding – one he actually attended – and said all of this cost $35,000 (incl honeymoon, rings). After that, he was totally on board and realized that things have changed and weddings cost money. Haven’t heard one complaint since.

Post # 6
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My father has certainly had a few “dadzilla” moments and has been the source of pretty much any stress we’ve had along the way. We had to change our venue because my dad went to see it 8 months after we booked it and said “it looks like a place old men go to die” Not exactly what Fiance and I saw when we were there but kinda hard to get that out of your head! He also has changed the amount he was giving us towards the wedding 3 times (and not in a good way) so Fiance and I have had to come up with the additional money. Luckily, we are pretty financially secure and everything except our rings are paid off for the wedding at this point but it is frustrating when you have a number in your head you think you are going to spend and then BAM! Nope, come up with $3,000 more!

He also started off by having pretty much only my aunts and uncles on the guest list from his side of the family and, when I pushed for the addresses of my cousins, I guess a switch flipped in his head because he started calling/texting every other day with a new friend or relative to add to the list! I had to cut him off when he wanted to add his cousin who I have never in my life heard of let alone met and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t spoken to in years! He’s paying for a large chunk of the wedding still though so I have to do what he says at least to some extent.

Luckily, I only have a couple months to go and invitations are going out next week!

 

ETA: I would tell your dad that if your wedding is approaching fast and many of the vendors you have contacted are already booked. If he is concerned you are being ripped off by the vendors you have chosen, and thinks he can get you a better deal through his contacts, he needs to give you their contact information immediately because you can’t put off booking vendors any longer or else no one will be left.

Post # 7
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

It sounds like he really wants to be involved in the wedding-planning, but he doesn’t really know how? I think you should take the reins from him as far as booking the vendors/services, and explain as kindly as possible to him that D-Day is approaching quickly and he has not yet followed through with what he’s said he would. Is your mom or someone else in your immediate family on your side with this? Ask her to back you up on this.

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