(Closed) HELP! MOH doesn't care about my wedding

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Is your Fiance close to his sister? Can he talk to her for you?

I think you should just,let her know how much it would mean to you to have her there for your bachelorette. I wouldn’t push her staying with you the night before, let her stay with her bf. Maybe tell her how much it would mean to you if she hung out with you all for a bit that evening too though. Just make it clear you want her there becauae you cherish her as a person.

How often does she see her bf? She seems a bit oddly clingy to him.

Post # 4
3697 posts
Sugar bee

I say you let it slide. If you try to strong-arm her into hanging out with you guys, she will probably have a chip on her shoulder about it and ruin (or at least dampen) a fun evening with your friends. She is your future family, and if she’s not super enthusiastic about the wedding on her own,  trying to press it will probably lead to hard feelings. Just let her know that she has the standing invitation to go in with you guys, and if she chooses not to, eh, it’s her choice.

Who knows what’s behind it? She might be jealous/wishing she were engaged/uneasy about her own releationship; she might be shy about not knowing the other girls well; could be anything.

Post # 5
7719 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@KCKnd2:  I agree, What’s the point of her being there if she doesn’t want to? She’s in your bridal party because she’s your future relative. No need to insist she attends other things.

I had to laugh at her excuse though. Doesn’t her bf know how to dress himself?

Post # 7
2920 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I’d try to let it go. You can’t change how she feels. Accept her lack of participation when she bows out of activities, and express delight when she does show up for something. I think that’s all you can do.

Post # 8
13073 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Tough one!  I’d try having your Fiance talk to her too.  As much as he wants to stay out of it, it’s clearly an issue!

Post # 10
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Let it go.  Don’t force her.  Have fun with the people who want to be there.

Post # 11
5957 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

…sounds like you’ve already done it!

You tried to be nice, extend invitations to things and be financially gracious, but she doesn’t have to be nice back, accept an invitation to anything or feel obligated to you for the $$ you shelled out….she doesn’t HAVE to, but I would think most people would…whatever is going on with her, is not your problem and no one can say you didnt try….count your lucky stars she won’t be around and focus on the ones that make you feel good!

Post # 12
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@TreadingWater:  what should you do?  nothing.  your mother is right, you have been more than accommodating for her.  if she doesn’t want to come, don’t force it. 

have you ever been to a party where someone doesn’t want to be there?  yeah, it’s a drag for the whole party.  i’d only want to party with the people who want to be there.

trust me, you have done more than your share for this person.

Post # 13
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I would just accept that she wants to do her own thing and let it be. Tell her that if she changes her mind and wants to join you for any of the pre-wedding stuff, just let you know. I would also tell her that if she doesn’t respond to the hair/make-up question by x date, you will assume that she does not want to get them done and you will not book the appropriate appointments on her behalf. No biggie. Do all of this with a smile, and then go enjoy your pre-wedding excitement with the girls who want to hang out with you, and count your blessings that you have so many ladies who are genuinely excited for you.

Post # 14
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yeah, I agree with the other posters that there isn’t anything more you can do.  But seriously, she’s being really lame.

Post # 15
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This sounds almost exactly like my MOH! She has been my best friend since 2nd grade but could care less about my wedding. The only time she has shown concern was to ask me if I’m still going through with it and if she should bring tennis shoes for me so I can be a runaway bride (I have never remotely suggested I would want to do this, btw). I’m also paying for her hair, make up, and dress even though she makes triple the salary I do. My way of dealing with her is to be polite and say nothing. I am writing really nice and heartfelt cards to my other bridesmaids and giving her a short simple thank you note. That way she doesn’t know the difference but at least my other bridesmaids will know how much I appreciate them. I think when she gets married she will realize how nice it is to have your closest friends there for you and maybe she’ll look back and wish she had been there for me.

Post # 16
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

You know, this is one of these situations where you just have to re-think your perspective.

Start thinking as Future Sister-In-Law as the Maid/Matron of Honor that will only be there the day of your wedding; like she flew in the night before or something. She will not be available prior to this time. Sad, but it will help your overall enjoyment of the events you do have scheduled.  It sounds like you have an entire group of girls ready to celebrate. You don’t need Eeyore present.

You can say you’ve honestly tried to include her if anyone (like FMIL) questions this and of course keep her in the loop with other events just in case she decided she doesn’t need to be joined to Boyfriend or Best Friend 24/7. 

Just a random question. Does your Future Sister-In-Law see her Boyfriend or Best Friend all the time? Does she still live at home? I only ask, because she may be looking at the couple days in the hotel as a mini-vacation and time she might not otherwise have to be with her Boyfriend or Best Friend.

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