(Closed) damn, does he even want this?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Sorry, you are having to go through this.

It seems from what you are writing that there is a good possibility that there are underlying issues. The only thing that I can suggest is to see if you can get some premarital counseling. I think having a nonpartial person to talk to might shed some light on why he really feels this way, and I think it would open the lines of communcation between the two of you.

Post # 4
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Maybe you should find one thing he CAN get excited about and not talk to him about the rest. My Fiance could care less what goes into the wedding but for our honeymoon we are going to see a Lakers game and so he is doing all the planning for that because he LOVES the Lakers. That is one of his passions, basketball. I’m latting him do that because he he loves it and then he can suprise me with stuff. The rest of it I just ask him if I can spend this much on a dress or that much on flowers and he says yes or no. Other than that he doesn’t know anything about the wedding.

Post # 5
105 posts
Blushing bee

There are a lot of emotions he could be experiencing.  Women tend to invest more time and energy in the planning (since many have envisioned this day for a long, long time).  Men sometimes don’t care as much, if at all, about the details.  For him, he may be scared of the event – you say he’s a homebody.  This event where all eyes are on you guys might be freaking him out.  He’s saying he wants to marry you in Vegas, but is hesitant about the big event?  OK, that might not be cold feet about marriage as much as it is about the day.

However, don’t discount his distance and his brush off of the wedding.  He could be coming to grips with the big decision you are about to be making.  I suggest you both check out ConsciousWeddings.com and ConsciousTransitions.com.  He may just be grappling with all the emotions of this transition.  Good luck!

Post # 6
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Talk to him about it. It seems like he is the type that is more private and perhaps the idea of a wedding scares the shit out of him if he is talking about running off to Vegas. At least he’s talking about the marriage part. So I think you are okay right there. Maybe he’s afraid that the wedding will end up costing him a years salary. My SO was very afraid of that before I explained to him that things CAN be done BEAUTIFULLY for under $5000. You just have to network, know the right people, and talk to every single person in the industry.

You are going to be married one day, so you need to talk to your partner about these things. Ask HIM why he is feeling this way and if there is something else going on. Ask HIM why he wants to run off to Vegas. You are only going to get the right answer from HIM.

Post # 7
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Hmmm…he must be related to my husband.  I could have written this a couple months ago.  I heard the same objections about money, etc.  He is also very shy and a homebody.  The thought of being the center of attention was really bothering him, although he doesn’t talk about feelings either.  

Whether it’s the wedding or something else, you really need to talk.  Let him know how much his attitude is hurting you.  We had this conversation MANY times.

He just told me last night how much he enjoyed himself and how much he loved my dress.

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