Post # 1
so here’s the thing, my fiance and i had plans to marry 8-14-11. we’ve been together for a little over 2 years, and engaged for almost a year now. EVER SINCE i’ve began wedding planning, he’s been fighting me along the whole way. he’s saying it’s because we’re not financially ready, and we should push the date back a year, but i totally disagree. i have no problem making the ceremony/reception recession friendly, while decent to the eye, and i feel like we’re VERY blessed to have certain resources that alot of people don’t have. his family owns a restaurant/catering business, and offered to cater our reception for free, only having to pay for the cost of food(which his parents are taking care of), my little brother is a professional dj(DONE!), i have church home, so THAT’S free for the ceremony, my mom is handling the cost of photography, and my dad is handling all flower arrangements. that pretty much leaves us with the cost of the venue, decor, and wardrobe. i am DETERMINED to stay under my $3500 budget, and we’re doing good so far.
i’m starting to think there are other reasons why he wouldn’t want a wedding, and i can’t figure it out for the life of me. he’s not the outgoing type, more of a homebody, and he just won’t get excited over it A LITTLE!! he makes well over $46k annually, and i’m a waitress part-time while finishing school, so we’re comfortable financially. of course everybody has bills, maybe debt, and other financial responsibilities, but those aren’t going anywhere!!! EVER!!!! we’re young, we have no kids, we’re living on our own, WHAT’S THE PROBLEM?!!?!? he’s saying he has no problem running off to vegas for a quick wedding, but seeing as how we have people behind us READY to do favors for us, and help us out, why not take advantage?!?!? i feel very blessed, and he’s dismissing all of it. even when i ask him certain things about the details or wedding, or for his opinion about something, he gets really frustrated and we end up arguing. my friends say it’s him being a typical guy, but i know my man, and i think it falls way deeper than that.
anyone else go(or going) thru this??? it’s upsetting me.
sorry for the novel lol
Post # 3
Sorry, you are having to go through this.
It seems from what you are writing that there is a good possibility that there are underlying issues. The only thing that I can suggest is to see if you can get some premarital counseling. I think having a nonpartial person to talk to might shed some light on why he really feels this way, and I think it would open the lines of communcation between the two of you.
Post # 4
Maybe you should find one thing he CAN get excited about and not talk to him about the rest. My Fiance could care less what goes into the wedding but for our honeymoon we are going to see a Lakers game and so he is doing all the planning for that because he LOVES the Lakers. That is one of his passions, basketball. I’m latting him do that because he he loves it and then he can suprise me with stuff. The rest of it I just ask him if I can spend this much on a dress or that much on flowers and he says yes or no. Other than that he doesn’t know anything about the wedding.
Post # 5
There are a lot of emotions he could be experiencing. Women tend to invest more time and energy in the planning (since many have envisioned this day for a long, long time). Men sometimes don’t care as much, if at all, about the details. For him, he may be scared of the event – you say he’s a homebody. This event where all eyes are on you guys might be freaking him out. He’s saying he wants to marry you in Vegas, but is hesitant about the big event? OK, that might not be cold feet about marriage as much as it is about the day.
However, don’t discount his distance and his brush off of the wedding. He could be coming to grips with the big decision you are about to be making. I suggest you both check out ConsciousWeddings.com and ConsciousTransitions.com. He may just be grappling with all the emotions of this transition. Good luck!
Post # 6
Talk to him about it. It seems like he is the type that is more private and perhaps the idea of a wedding scares the shit out of him if he is talking about running off to Vegas. At least he’s talking about the marriage part. So I think you are okay right there. Maybe he’s afraid that the wedding will end up costing him a years salary. My SO was very afraid of that before I explained to him that things CAN be done BEAUTIFULLY for under $5000. You just have to network, know the right people, and talk to every single person in the industry.
You are going to be married one day, so you need to talk to your partner about these things. Ask HIM why he is feeling this way and if there is something else going on. Ask HIM why he wants to run off to Vegas. You are only going to get the right answer from HIM.
Post # 7
Hmmm…he must be related to my husband. I could have written this a couple months ago. I heard the same objections about money, etc. He is also very shy and a homebody. The thought of being the center of attention was really bothering him, although he doesn’t talk about feelings either.
Whether it’s the wedding or something else, you really need to talk. Let him know how much his attitude is hurting you. We had this conversation MANY times.
He just told me last night how much he enjoyed himself and how much he loved my dress.
Post # 8
lol i think you are all on the money when you mentioned him being afraid of being the center of attention. i think that’s a huge chunk of the issue right there. as much as i want the traditional wedding, i guess i’m not totally opposed to maybe a destination wedding??? *sigh* that was painful coming out. i think i’m willing to compromise ANYTHING else in life except for my traditional style wedding lol. we shall see 🙂
@snuggles i’ll have to check out those website, thanks!
@miss tattoo i’m determined to spend that much or less!! it’s SO within reach, i wish he’d get that 😐