- 5 years ago
I’ve been reading tons of posts on this but can’t quite find the answer I’m looking for.
My FH and I are having our ceremony in one location, and our dinner/dance in another. We have a maximum of 130 seats for dinner, but would still like to invite additional (between 45-60) guests to the dance after the dinner is done (e.g. co-workers, some additional friends, etc.).
To clarify, these guests would not be invited to the ceremony or dinner, only the dance following the dinner (which is in the same venue as the dinner, but a different room) and it would be made clear that no gifts are to be brought.
From what I’ve read, general etiquette seems to say no “tiered” invitations allowed, inviting guests to part of an event is “gift-grabby”, and that many guests will be insulted. This seems to only fly with etiquette experts if the preceding ceremony is “intimate” and the majority of guests are invited to reception or dance only.
Obviously, 130 people is not exactly intimate, and we are serving a dinner to family our closest friends, but is it really so terrible to invite additional in-town guests we’d like to celebrate with for dancing and cake if we’re clear that no gifts are to be brought?
Some extra information:
1. I live in Canada (boards seems to say this is primarily a faux pas in North America)
2. I know that some friends have done this, though I have only been “dance-only”ed once and did not attend (as I already had a committment, not because I was offended)
3. My FH and I both volunteer with a group of about 35 people, so we see these people every week. We have closer friends within the group who will be attending the ceremony and dinner, but would also like to extend invites to everyone else afterwards (especially as this group particularly appreciates a good party). This is where a lot of our “additional guest” numbers come from.
Any help is appreciated! I didn’t realize this was such a contentious issue!