Post # 1
Member
846 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm
So I am from a loose Episcopal family. The FI comes from a fairly devoted Baptist family, but he himself doesn’t really practice his religion. Our ceremony will be light on the religion. i.e. No scripture readings. Just a small prayer.
Many members of his family do not believe in drinking or dancing. Fairly normal for many Baptist churches. The FI and I LOVE to dance and there has never been a question as far as we are concerned about alcohol. We will have it and plenty of it!
However, some people are getting a bit touchy about the idea. Mainly it’s family saying that the grandmother won’t stand for that or she won’t like that.
I come from a very laid back and open family. We have so much fun and are incredibly open. I don’t know how to say “Well, while we respect her opinion this isn’t her wedding.” with out sounding like a B! What should I say when this is brought up to me by guests. They already gossip about me because we live together out of wedlock.
As far as the dancing, I find it strange that some of his family have told me that they had to beg to be allowed to even have a first dance. What? No. So much dancing at our wedding!
Maybe I should just not say a word and let them handle themselves at the wedding.
Post # 2
Member
1118 posts
Bumble bee
Olgarie: I also come from a Baptist family. I think it horrified my grandmother that we had dancing at our wedding, but she dealt with it gracefully. Everyone else who wasn’t comfortable with it simply left early, and we partied with our friends. We would have liked to alcohol, but our venue had strict rules against it (it was a Baptist-run summer camp).
I think the best thing is for you to not say anything and to let them handle themselves at the wedding. If they choose to make a big deal of it they’re the ones who will look bad.
Post # 3
Member
846 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm
Tigerlilybride: I do think that’s a good idea. It’s jsut getting awkward when they ask what we are having. I can run over the loose idea of food. Then they ask drinks. Wine, beer, water and soda. That’s when the chilly remarks start. It hasn’t been much and hopefully won’t escalate. I just feel weird. I’m not from a judging family. I do not know how to handle this. At all.
Post # 4
Member
10509 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I’ve been to Mennonite weddings – both with alcohol & dancing and those without.
In those with, some guests leave the reception when the dance portion starts. Not in a rude way or anything, but it does clear out.
Hopefully the people who disagree with it can handle in a similar, mature manner.
Post # 5
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
I’m sorry you feel weird OP, but I think you simply need to own your choices. Having alchol & dancing at your wedding? Excellent, you do what feels right to you and your FI. If they aren’t comfortable at an event with dancing & drinking, then they have the option to decline the invitation. You cannot please everyone and if they choose to come to your wedding, hopefully they have the good sense to not be negative about your choices for your wedding.
Post # 6
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
I understand it upsets some but I’m amazed that people still find it so “wrong”, Jesus himself passed around a cup of wine. If I’m not mistaken the bible doesn’t say not to drink or dance, but to not be a drunk. And I do believe dancing was spoken of in acceptance in the bible, apart from the false idols.
I wouldn’t pay much mind to others and their opinipns. So long as no one is wasted or practically having sex on the dance floor.
My husbands uncle is a preacher for a baptist church and refused to marry us, after “much thought and prayer”, or even attend the wedding because we were living out of “wedlock” even though we decided to abstain once we became baptized and closer to our faith.
We stopped having premarital sex after our baptism but because we didn’t move out and continued living together before the wedding he still doesn’t talk to us. Its sad but I’m ok with it, I know we were not wrong. I know how you feel though.
Post # 7
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
i would not entertain their conversations and ultimately its his family so they can go to him with concerns. they will deal with it and you guys may get backlash but it will all wash over. if your fiance is on your side and he wants a bar and dance as much as you then they can go to him so u dont become the wedge between him and his families issues/beliefs.
Post # 8
Member
1799 posts
Buzzing bee
Really?? No dancing? How odd for a wedding…
You do you, and let the stuffy ones handle themselves
Post # 9
Member
3028 posts
Sugar bee
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
They’re family, and they’re going to ask questions and have opinions, but in the end what they think really doesnn’t matter. You are adults making adult decisions. You just have to toughen up and be ready to answer questions directly and then deal with the disapproving comments. In the end they will have to make their own decisions about how they will deal with the situation. At least they will know what to expect!
Post # 10
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
Easiest way to deal with questions is to say ‘We haven’t made any final decisions yet.’….and then change the subject.
Post # 11
Member
2795 posts
Sugar bee
Olgarie: these threads about sensitive soles who can’t be in the presence of alcohol always amaze me. I always wonder if they have the same strict policy about not going anywhere alcohol is served, in their day to day lives, or just when they want to impose their morals on family members events? If so, do they never go out to eat in a restaurant? Or do they limit themselves to places where alcohol isn’t served…ie fast food and Cracker Barrell?
Post # 12
Hostess
2650 posts
Sugar bee
Olgarie: If I may comment, I know it’s 2 months old now. My answer for everything Christian wedding is that Jesus turned the water into wine, and weddings in the Jewish culture has dancing and I’m sure Jesus took part of the dancing…so I say you’re good to go. 
Post # 13
Member
30 posts
Newbee
- Wedding: June 2015 - Church
I come from a Pentecostal family and FI comes from a Catholic family but we now go to a non-denominational church, where we will be married and have dancing, but no alcohol.
PS. There are many different DENOMINATIONS in the CHRISTIAN RELIGION. Baptist, Episcopal, Penetcostal, Presbyterian, Catholic are all subsets i.e. DENOMINATIONS of the SAME RELIGION.
