Dancing with my future son.

posted 2 months ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
8012 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Does he want to participate in this dance? I have sons and at nine they would have been hesitant. I’d assess his comfort level before worrying about a song. There are other things you could do to celebrate becoming family from a thoughtful gift to a hug to silly pictures together. 

Post # 3
Member
3158 posts
Sugar bee

Maybe you guys could pick out something together? Are there any songs he really likes? Or maybe something from one of his favorite movies?

I also agree with pp that I’d only do this if you think he’s really into the idea. I think it’s a lovely gesture and really sweet way to include him but only if he’s on board! 

Post # 4
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2022

View original reply
@beethree:  I agree with this completely. He has to want to do it, and that may depend on how long “a short while” is.

Post # 5
Member
720 posts
Busy bee

agree with PP about assessing his comfort level.

Might I recommend doing something a little more fun and upbeat than a slow dance? When my mother remarried, my stepfather, sister, and I danced to “Pretty Woman” (bopping around the dance floor for about 30 seconds before we dragged everyone else in). The song was significant to us because he was in a band and always played it on request when we came to his shows. Even now, when we have a family event (my wedding, my sister’s wedding, family reunions), it is still our special little song we start the group dancing with. 

But I love the idea of a special moment, whatever it is… definitely assess his comfort level as there may be some conflicting emotions anyway

Post # 6
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I don’t think you need a specific song to dance with your step son especially when he’s only 9. Once you open up the dance floor to all your guests, then you and he can just dance wirh the rest of the guests ! It puts a lot of pressure on a little boy, but I think it would look very awkward. I’d skip it. Maybe incorporate him into the wedding in a different way, like when you say your vows to his dad ? 

Post # 7
Member
1095 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Agree with all the above posters. Especially if you have only been in his life a short while, it seems a bit much if you guys don’t have a super strong history and relationship yet. Maybe just saying in your vows that you are excited for everyone to join together as a family or just getting him a gift that he would enjoy with a nice note on the morning of the wedding saying how happy you are to be joining in his family etc. I think that would be more suitable and enjoyable for the child. 

Post # 8
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Please don’t

Post # 9
Member
2079 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I’m another one saying don’t. This seems like something that is more for you than for him. Ask him how he wants to be incorporated into the wedding if at all. If he wants to do something great! If not don’t push it. 

My niece 14 years old just had to watch her dad ( my brother) marry someone and he was with her mother for 20+ years. They moved very fast and got married and pregnant in under a year. She struggled to even be in attendance. She was very mature and didn’t say anything but she wasn’t happy. Pushing her would have made things so much worse. Kids need to be met where they are at. I still wish my brother had given his new relationship some time before jumping to marriage and a baby for the sake of his daughter. 

Post # 10
Member
3433 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I have to wonder if this is really something he wants to do. It sounds like it could potentially be awkward and embarrassing to him to have to dance in front of a bunch of people with someone who he doesn’t know that well. It is probably going to take awhile to create a relationship with a 9 year old. Even if he goes along with the idea, it doesn’t mean that he is all that into it. He could be doing it just because adults tell him that he should. Are you trying to create an Instagram-worthy moment? 

Post # 11
Member
2079 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

And just some perspective that I never thought about before my brother married but hit me in the face like a brick once I was asked to give a speech…

it was almost impossible to say anything in my speech that didn’t completely disrespect my niece and the family she had that split up. Everything I thought of saying sounded so disrespectful to the previous relationship and the mother of my niece. Just something to think about when considering step kids and marrying someone that has kids already. 

Post # 12
Member
4705 posts
Honey bee

As a stepkid, please do not do this unless it was his idea. Don’t even ask if he wants to do it as it will put him in a very hard place. I couldn’t even go to my dad’s second wedding because it was so upsetting to me. I cannot even imagine if they had asked me to be in the spotlight.

Post # 13
Member
3191 posts
Sugar bee

Why do you need a special dance with him? I agree with PP’s. Don’t do it unless he specifically asked for it.

Post # 14
Member
7979 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Unless this was an idea HE brought up to you (I work with kids that age, and I’d be skeptical if you said he did), I find it cringe-worthy. Another vote for please don’t. He has a lot to process right now and doesn’t need that kind of attention.

Post # 15
Member
9639 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

how about a family dance?  could you choreograh some fast dance moves for your family?

my dad passed away before i met my husband.  i did a fast dance with my mom, i choreographed a little something to pink’s get the party started. 

it was a huge hit.

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