Post # 1
I have a pretty tricky situation and I wanted some other brides’ opinions.
My fiancee and I got engaged in late March and chose our wedding day (7/9/11) soon afterwards — booked the church, venue, etc. A college friend just got engaged a few weeks ago and booked her wedding for the exact same day! She did know that it was our wedding and claims she chose the day because it was the only day the venue had available. She has never even seen the venue in person. Just booked it sight unseen. So its not like this was a “oh I always imagined I’d get married there” place. I feel really badly for our friends. One of my close friends committed to being in this other wedding and now can’t come to MY wedding. Our best man (friend of the other bride) is heartbroken that he won’t be able to share in her day. We have a bunch of other conflicted friends as well. I am heartbroken that some of our nearest and dearest will have to choose weddings. They are not close enough in distance that people could ceremony at one and reception at the other. What should I do? Should I confront her about it? Try to move on? Should I still invite the people that I KNOW now will be unable to attend our wedding? Decisions Decisions! It’s really put a damper on our whole day!
Post # 3
I would say, hang in there. The venue she chose may not be what she wants and she may end up changing her mind. If you feel there is enough things to make you change the date, then that is understandable. I would ask her if her heart was set on that date for a reason and go from there. Your wedding isn’t so close that you could change or she could, by just a weekend. If you both end up staying on the same date, you’ll just have to get over the fact that some of your friends might end up at her wedding. Good luck dear, I’m sure you are going to figure things out and your wedding will be beautiful and special regardless of who shows up.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t confront her necessarily, but maybe some of your mutual guests can help mediate the situation? I know I would want to talk to a friend about why they would choose the exact same wedding date as another friend, knowing that their was a lot of guest overlap. In fact, as a guest, I’d be pretty pissed at the friend for choosing the same date, and making me choose between friends. Because of that, I’d probably go to the wedding I planned to attend first, which would be yours. Send out the invites, even to those who you don’t think will attend, and let them decide what they want to do. You never know, they may be upset that the friend put them in this situation in the first place, and come to your wedding instead. So annoying of them! At least they won’t be at your wedding! I know everyone says it, but it’s about the people who are there, not about the people who aren’t… so try to enjoy the company that comes, and forget about those who can’t make it.
Post # 5
That really sucks. I’m trying to imagine how I would feel/react if that happened to me. It’s really strange that someone would pick a reception site without seeing it. She has to have some kind of strong tie to that reception hall, if not, then that’s super fishy.
Regardless- you can’t change it. And you can’t *make* people go to your wedding over hers. But look at it this way, you are going to be surrounded, no, overwhelmed with people on that day. You will know everyone there, and everyone is going to be jockeying for your attention. And I’ll bet that you’ll hardly notice the people who didn’t come. I mean, in 20 years from now, chances are you won’t keep in touch with half these college friends anymore.
Keep in mind what your wedding is really about and hopefully that will make you feel better.
ps: you may have to throw those exact word back at me when I’m bummed out or worried about something on my wedding day 🙂
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2011 - Samuel Lynne Galleries and Marc Events
Wow.. that’s really, really crappy! I can’t believe your friend would do that. I personally couldn’t just let it go. I would have to have a little more clarification on her decision making process. I mean, if she is your friend, wouldn’t she want to pick any day BUT your wedding day ’cause she would want to be there to support you on your wedding day? I just don’t get it… Good luck, girl.
Post # 7
Thats really crappy! We had a almost identical problem and decided that having our friends and family all there was morinportant to us than the specific date so we moved our date back so we could make sure the nobody had to chose. That is always an option to consider even if it isn’t as appealing as leaving scary things outside hers to make everybody run to yours… okay, that’s mean… but I felt mean when she stole it and I wouldn’t blame you if you did too!
Post # 8
I almost had to “choose” the day a sorority sister of mine was getting married. We tried for the 16th and couldn’t find a venue. We set our date first and then decided to move it to the 2nd. It wasn’t until then I heard she chose that date… It SUCKED to be in the position of possibly doing the same day. It wound up that the 2nd wouldn’t work either when we went to book so we wound up with the 30th. Maybe she didn’t see the venue, but I have been there and it sucks to make that decision. (at least, it did for me). I however was also trying to be a bigger person and was planning on basically telling the sorority that her wedding was the priority as she selected the date first.
Post # 9
Yeah, I would say something. I’d say, “It sucks Gina can’t come to my wedding because she’s in yours that’s the same day.” Or you could just move yours to the week before hers and then say you are only thinking of your mutual friends. You don’t want them having to choose between weddings.
Post # 10
Geez, I’m with Hippo on this one. Are you close friends? Just aquaintances? Do you run in the same circle of friends? I cant imagine any friend doing tihs to me or our mutual friends. I wouldnt’ be able to let it go either and would want to know what was going on in her head when she decided on the same date also. I’d bring it up casually with her and I think her response and/or reaction will determine if that friendship is even worth keeping.