(Closed) Date poaching, or am I just a b*tch?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@ZChick17:  hmmm this is really tough…

While I bet it was more of the BRIDE’s choice for the June date… I can see how you are bummed to be caught up in this heirarchy of friendship scheme and how bummed I myself would be if I were you… 

BUT

You ARE just projecting that people will have to choose… maybe they won’t? 

Perhaps they WILL splash out and do both because after all, you’ve been friends for 10+ years and you both deserve the same excitement and attendance of your best friends.

I would just cross your fingers and hope that people won’t feel like they need to choose… I can see that it might be an issue for some and of course you’ll have to understand, but maybe it won’t be?

I don’t know if its a FLIGHT or a drive for most but you won’t know unless you try.

Just know, regardless of who is in attendance, this is not a competition, its a CELEBRATION of YOU and YOUR HUB and you WILL be surrounded by those who love you on your big day!

Post # 33
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@ZChick17:  I also wanted to say that my cousin is having his wedding the weekend after ours so they won’t be coming to  mine and it’s only a 1 1/2 drive away but that’s okay becasue like I said, that is less we have to pay and we still get presents. We aren’t going to theirs either as we will be on our way back from our honeymoon. My date was set since I got engaged last March 17, 2011 and they just set theirs two weeks ago. Oh well, no big deal. So I do understand.

Post # 34
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

Yeah I’d definitely be annoyed!  Especially considering how long you’ve had your date set.  Look at it this way: some friends will make it to yours, some his, and some both.  But with your wedding being before his, the friends that didn’t make it to yours will want to hear everything about your wedding, so you’ll get to relive it twice.

Anddd make sure yours is much more fun 😉

Post # 35
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think many of your guests would e able to make it to both. If they choose his over yours well…that’s tough but it’s life. There really is not much you can do about it but hope for the best. Next summer, throw yourselves a huge 1st anniversary party to celebrate with those who could not make it to the wedding day.

Post # 36
Member
2492 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@mrsrigsby60:  you’re really into getting presents and especially getting presents without having to pay for dinner. how honest of you.

Post # 37
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

So, you’ll be back in time for your friend’s wedding?  Won’t you just see anyone who goes to their wedding instead of yours at theirs, then?  From your friends’ perspectives, at least they’ll get to congratulate you and see you soon after at the other wedding. 

 

This will always happen when people are far apart – really, anyone getting married the same summer as you would pose the same problem (I know I’d have a hard time going cross-country twice in one summer).  So I’d be bummed out, but still glad I get to see them at some point.

Post # 38
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@mamadingdong:  I was joking good grief most of these people I didn’t want to invite anyway my Future Mother-In-Law made me invite them & I had to cut my grandmother and other family members in order to have her firends there that we don’t even know. I declined having showers from people who wanted to give them for me. Good grief take a joke. That is how I am dealing with not having my family at my wedding which my parents & myself are paying for and my only family is myself & my parents. I couldn’t even selct my own Maid/Matron of Honor, it’s FI’s sister.

Post # 39
Member
2492 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@mrsrigsby60:  you said it twice and i didn’t catch the humor either time… as long as you’re honest i salute you!

Post # 40
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee

Chances are that if these friends get invitations to the two weddings so close together, they will probably choose one or the other to attend – but I’ll bet in most cases the choice will boil down to which of the two dates works better with whatever’s going on in the rest of their lives, not necessarily who they are closer to. So, yes, some of them will probably end up at the other wedding rather than yours – but some of them will also probably end up at your wedding rather than the other one. And in either case, try to give the benefit of the doubt and not take it personally. As PPs mentioned, take advantage of the fact that if you see them at the other guy’s wedding, you’ll actually have more time to socialize because you’ll be regular guests and won’t have the same demands on your time and attention that you’ll have at your own wedding.

Post # 41
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I can understand why your immediate reaction is to be upset, but honestly, the day of your wedding will be so wonderful that missing a few people will not even be on your radar. Remember, the only person you need there is your groom. Everyone else is just icing on the cake. Enjoy the day because it only lasts so long and, in the end, this won’t matter to you.

Post # 43
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@mamadingdong:  I can’t help it you don’t get my way of dealing with hurt. How would you like it if you couldn’t have any of your family at your wedding and you had to pay for people you don’t know? It’s how I deal. I will be returning all the presents from his side & giving the money to charity. Thanks for judging me I was only trying to make OP laugh. 

Post # 44
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@ZChick17:  He doesn’t know yet. I don’t want to ruin his wedding day. We will realize it soon enough. I don’t want to be the bad guy. I hope you know I was joking about the gifts, I wanted to make you smile.

Post # 45
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@ZChick17:  Yea, that really blows, I’m sorry 🙁 I’d be so bummed out if I were in your shoes too, and I’m also really close to my high school crew. At least you will get to enjoy his wedding with the ones who couldn’t make it to yours…and who knows, maybe more will come to yours than you think!

Post # 46
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@ZChick17:  I don’t think you’re overreacting, but just being honest about your feelings.  I am in a different situation that will likely result in the same effect.  A good friend of mine has a brother who is getting married 2 weeks after me.  My good friend lives in Florida and her brother & myself live in NY.  So far she has said she will make it to my wedding BUT she may not because it will require 2 separate trips up to NY.  The added issue is that another one of my good friends from HS is best friends with the Floridian friend and will likely be invited to the brother’s wedding so she might end up not coming to mine as well. 

I would make your wedding date KNOWN and send out those save the dates ASAP.  I sent mine out early so that folks could lock in their travel arrangements.  If some of your friends end up not being able to attend both weddings and they choose your friend (the groom’s) over yours you’re going to be hurt/upset but unfortunately will also have to let it go.  

Sorry you’re dealing with this.  ::hugs::

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