Post # 1
Hi – I am new to this site and would love help on a small matter that is flooding our guest list. Many of our friends are dating – and I am weary on inviting dates – especially if I don’t know who they are. The Fiance wants to invite – but our guest list is already overflowing. How do you handle this? ANd how do you word RSVP cards to make sure extra guests are not included.
Post # 3
we debated on this too, but we then decided that we want our friends to have a good time and that means allowing them to bring their significant others/guests. My bridesmaid attended a wedding where she is not allowed to bring a guest and her invitation says "please RSVP for one by (date)."
Post # 4
I’m with Lanny – I know that if I were just dating someine and I was invited to a wedding with out the opportunity to bring someone with me, I may not go. I don’t think I’d have a whole lot of fun if I didn’t know many people there and then was sitting alone most the night. Kinda uncomfortable. I’d also be kinda hurt at the invite being only for me, especially if you were a good friend of mine.
Post # 5
you would simply address the invite to your guest (i believe the RSVP card would read something like accepts or regrets without the option of adding anyone, i think) word of mouth is also good for this situtation.
actually, i haven’t been to a wedding as a single person, but do single guests ask causal dates to weddings? i can understand serious dating, but someone you haven’t known that well? i would think that it would be awkaward for the couple (meeting family and close friends all at once) when i would go to weddings with my FH, we would always get the "you guys are next!" line.
Post # 6
When I haven’t been allowed to bring a date, the invitation has just been addressed to me-that’s how I know I can’t bring my Fiance.
When I’ve had to travel to a wedding, before I got engaged, I would be less likely to bring a date just because it’s an additional expense and not worth it. However, if it was local, I would bring a date.
Most people, if they’re casually dating someone, aren’t going to bring a date if they have to travel. If they’re local, they are far more willing to do so.
We’ve debated on this-but we’ve decided to let everyone bring a date so they can have fun, knowing that out of town people probably won’t.
Post # 7
I started out saying that I wanted all of our friends to bring dates but my opinion has changed over the course of planning. After being confronted with the crazy costs of the reception, I have actually told some single friends that while I hope that they find love by the time of the wedding, if they are just casually seeing someone, they better not bring that person to the wedding. I am not spending $140 per person to feed your new "friend" that might not still be around in 2 months. They all understand where I am coming from and have agreed that they will only bring serious boy/girlfriends because they realize how expensive weddings are.
However, most of the friends that we are inviting to the wedding know each other so they’ll have plenty of people to talk to. Plus, we are a pretty outgoing bunch and would be comfortable in a room where we knew almost no one.
Post # 8
i agree with you angie! but like you, most of my friends just graduated from college with us, so it’s like a mini reunion for them. we have had to have that somewhat awkward convo with some people though — i just can’t justify needing to cut close family friends for someone’s rando gf of the week who i’ve never met.
Post # 9
It really depends on your budget. I’m only inviting SO, not new honeys. I’ve only had to have a few conversations. I’ve told them that there are people I care about that I can’t invite due to space restrictions. I picked YOU over them, but I can’t pick someone I don’t know over them. It’s not about space, but they don’t need to know that.
Post # 10
FH & I are walking down the same path as angiepangie. I have no problem telling friends of ours not to bring a date if there will be a large group of people there that they know.
However, there are some instances where it is necessary, such as old friends of his or mine that may not know anyone aside from us there. I recently went to a wedding of an childhood friend of mine who has a whole new set of friends, and I don’t think I would have gone had I not been able to bring a date.
Post # 11
I second those who are saying that people are not likely to bring dates if the wedding is out of town or if their dates are new bfs/gfs. My FH and I have gone to several out of town weddings on our own (even when we were allowed to bring a guest) because of the expense/time off of work, etc.
We are inviting guests to bring dates if we actually know the name of their date (i.e. they have been together for awhile/long enough for us to know about it). In that case, we are addressing the invitation to the guest and their date by name. If you want to avoid extra guests coming, you might want to say something like: We have reserved____seats in your honor on the RSVP card.
Post # 12
we are inviting guests of friends who either married or engaged. we also included ‘and guest’ for everyone in bridal party who isn’t engaged or married yet. otherwise, i am just putting the friend’s name only (no ‘and guest’) and hoping that they won’t bring anyone! i am also having my maid of honor spread the word that we’d prefer not to have ‘casual friend’ guests.
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2019 - Rancho del Cielo, Malibu, CA
i’ve been to weddings where the couple made a policy that they were only inviting guests of friends who were married or engaged. i remember feeling a little disappointed, but i respected that and totally understand…a wedding costs a lot of money and for people on a budget, it doesn’t make sense to spend another $100-200 on someone you have never met before (and who might not necessarily be around in the longer term). for couples where they did invite SOs, they sent the SOs separate invitations (so both the friend and guest received an invitation for one).
Post # 14
- Wedding: May 2019 - Rancho del Cielo, Malibu, CA
that was before mr. d and i were engaged of course 😛
Post # 15
I also agree that it’s ok to invite serious couples but not random flings. We’re only inviting significant others that have been around for a little while (and + 1 for bridal party members). Otherwise you end up paying for people to drag some random person to your wedding. We also rationalized it by saying that our friends all know each other (for the most part) so they won’t be alone, it will be just like any other party they attend…
don’t feel bad 🙂
Post # 16
We’re inviting SOs/bf+gf/spouses/fiances/etc. Pretty much anyone who has a "serious" relationship. The only exception to this is our wedding party… we’re letting them bring a "+1" regardless of the relationship "status."