(Closed) dates of friends

posted 12 years ago in Beehive
Post # 17
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

We are also inviting serious couples only.  Having been single while most of my friends got married, I never had any problem going to a wedding alone.  And I would never have invited a casual date – that would have felt a little weird.  Hopefully your friends have enough self-confidence to spend an evening without a date as a security blanket – if you don’t think they will know many people, try to seat them with people they do know, or with other singles, and make sure they get introduced to a few folks right at the start. 

What it comes down to is whether you consider your wedding a party for your friends and their friends, or an opportunity for your friends to share a special day with you.  While it would be nice to be able to throw a $150 a head party for 250 people, we really can’t, and we don’t feel obligated to.  We are having a reception because there are specific people that we want to share the day with.  If they look at it differently – if they can’t or won’t come without bringing someone we don’t even know – they I guess our wedding just really isn’t that important to them – and we probably were mistaken in inviting them in the first place.  For all you bees who can afford to invite everyone, and want a huge party, I do think that’s great!!  But it’s not for everyone.  Our party is already bigger than we wanted it to be…  Not so much from a cost perspective, but because we think we should be able to spend some quality time with everyone who attends.  For us, that’s the point of having them there.

Post # 18
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

um, i wasnt FH’s "girlfriend" when he brought me to his fraternity brother’s wedding – in fact we had just met the week before… he called his friend and just let him know – and it wasnt a big deal like "omg – who is this new girl?"

i dont see what the big deal is anyway – i have never been invited to a wedding (as a singleton) where it did not state "and guest"

but if i wasnt dating anyone -i’d just send a gift and not attend… it’s wierd being at a function (unless your in the BP) as a single person if you dont really know anyone else there but the couple…

Post # 19
29 posts
  • Wedding: May 2008

My general rule was if the guest knew someone then it was a no go with the date.  If they didn’t know anyone then I allowed them to bring a date.  On the RSVP card I had a line that read: ___ of ___ guest will be attending.  I filled out the second blank.  If it read 1, then people knew they were not allowed to bring a date.  I also addressed the invitation to all the people invited.  


I am spending 100 per person, and I know some of my friends have people they are casually dating but I can’t have everyone bring a date — that will double my cost!  My bridal party aren’t bringing dates either!– They understand and all agreed that they will be busy helping us out to entertain their date (unless of course it is a long term SO.   

Post # 20
123 posts
Blushing bee

I was once invited to a wedding alone while bride knew my bf ( and that we have lived together for 5yrs at the time), in fact  she kept asking me when is he proposing etc. The invite was addressed to me alone. No "and guest", no "plus one". I ended up not going because I found it insulting that he wasn’t invited (our friends who were married got invited together). In fact I would have been ok not being invited at all since we were not THAT close of a friends over being invited alone.

In our crowd we are the last couple that is not married yet but I think for me the rule of thumb would be how serious the couple is. If they’ve been together for a while, invite both of them, if  it’s new guy/girl, off the list they go.

 Just my thoughts.

Post # 21
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I’ve always heard that if the couple were together when you got engaged, you should invite them both.  Now, with long engagements you may have to sort set another deadline…but as a general rule it seems pretty sound.

When Fiance and I were together about 6 months, he was invited to a wedding of a college friend. I was fine not being included, but after going to a prewedding jack and jill, the couple getting married realized we were serious and decided to invite me as well.

I think if you know friends with serious or even serious-ish relationships, the gf/bf should be invited, but don’t feel obligated to invite someone they just met.

Post # 22
40 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

We decided on a case-by-case situation. Obviously spouses/long-term relationships/fiances were included. But for my single friends – we just kind of winged it based on what we can assume about their future dating situation. I don’t plan on any special wording other than "Emily Smith is invited blah blah" and not adding the "and guest." We hope people can figure it out.

 I’ve actually been a +1 for more weddings then I’ve been invited too  — one where I didn’t know the couple AT ALL and was merely friends with my date. He just wanted to bring someone because he could. My best friend (girl) even brought me as a date once again, because she could. Now that I’m planning my own, I really have mixed feelings on this whole +1 thing. I kind of feel bad about attending the one wedding … at least I knew not to join in the bouquet toss! (=

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