(Closed) Dating a married man

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Could you date a man still legally married?
    Yes : (90 votes)
    29 %
    No : (225 votes)
    71 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    592 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    If a man and his wife are separated and living apart for a year then I don’t see an issue with either of them dating. At that point they are clearly not living as a married couple. I don’t judge people in those types of relationships as doing anything wrong.

    Post # 33
    Member
    7433 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    If they’re living apart and have had fully separate households for a year, they’re not married, at least not from an ethical perspective. Divorce is difficult and there are loads of reasons why one partner or both might be dragging their feet. I would consider being in a relationship like this as long as it were clear that the person I was dating didn’t have one foot in the past all the time.

    Post # 34
    Member
    351 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    In some states, one must actually have lived apart for a year before they will even let you begin the divorce process.  This man’s story implies that is not the case in this instance, but in those states I think it is completely moral to date someone else while you  are simply waiting for your year to run.

    Post # 35
    Member
    475 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @Kir32:  +1

    Sounds like he is making excuses. If they have been separated for almost one year then their son should already be accustom to their situation. Not sure why there is a difference in being divorced and living apart as opposed to separated and living apart. Pot(ay)toes/Pot(ah)toes. Not a good idea.

    Post # 36
    Member
    226 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I was still legally married when my now Fiance and I started dating. Ex-H and I were legally separated and I had already started the process for divorce. I don’t think I could date a man who was legally married and didn’t want to file for divorce. That just seems fishy to me. It took almost another year for our divorce to be finalized (my Ex-H was extremely difficult) but Fiance stuck it out with me. I think it is only acceptable if the divorce is in process, he may seem like a great guy, but the fact that he is “afraid” to file would be a huge red-flag. I think there is more to the story and I would not want anyone I know getting involved in it.

    Post # 38
    Member
    6739 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    If she believes his reasoning, I don’t see the problem. Separated or divorced, he can always go back. I know a couple who divorced, dated others, then got back together and remarried. It doesn’t matter what the piece of paper says or doesn’t say – anything can happen. If she believes he’s really done with the wife for good, I don’t think there’s anything “morally” wrong with it.

    Post # 39
    Member
    750 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Any respectable man/woman would say “Finish your business first” Why would you want to get involved when theings are already complicated anyway. If it’s true love both sides can wait. 

    I also agree with the saying “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free” as stated by MrsTulip

    All these excuses sound like a red flag to me…

    Post # 40
    Member
    3765 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    ONLY if the divorce was in progress

    Post # 41
    Member
    771 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @MrsVMT:  I know a lot of people you got separated and then back together many times before they finally went through with the divorce.

    If I was your friend I wouldn’t date him, especially if she is looking for something serious.

    Post # 42
    Member
    6890 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    While ideally no, as pp mentioned life is not that simple black n white.  It is all in the circumstances of each person

    Post # 43
    Member
    6256 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I wouldn’t want to be with a man who was still going through all that much drama, and risk having the woman who is still the wife talking trash to everyone about me, and having to deal with her calling (especially if they still share assets or have children.) Ideally I wouldn’t want anyone who wasn’t self-aware enough to know he needed to take some time alone to sort himself out, or who needed to just be with someone so badly he would hop from one relationship immediately into another. I’d also worry about being “the rebound”.

    But if you could verify that they are, in fact, separated, I don’t know that it’s MORALLY wrong.

    Post # 44
    Member
    2564 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @sugar_biscuit:  +1

     

    I dated someone who had been recently separated and it was a disaster.  Definitely a good learning experience for me, but one I wouldn’t want to wish on anyone.  Too complicated.

     

    Post # 45
    Member
    9134 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @MrsVMT:  If he thinks his wife is going to go crazy if he files divorce papers what does he expect when she finds out he’s dating another woman while they’re still married?  A divorce could take a few months or a few years and honestly until he’s divorced, he’s not ready for a new relationship because the old one hasn’t ended yet.

    If he truly cares about your sister he will either files the papers ASAP so they can be together or he will understand if she wants to break things off until the divorce papers are at least filed (if not finalized.)  A friend of mine ended up in this situation 2 years ago and the guy is still fighting for a divorce from his wife.  Because he moved on before the wife, she is dragging all of it out as much as possible to make as stressful as possible for his new relationship with my friend.

    Nothing good is going to come out of this relationship unless and until he is divorced from his first wife.

    The topic ‘Dating a married man’ is closed to new replies.

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