(Closed) Dating a married man

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Could you date a man still legally married?
    Yes : (90 votes)
    29 %
    No : (225 votes)
    71 %
  • Post # 47
    Member
    1633 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Divorce goes hand in hand with setting up custody arrangements. His excuse is bad.

    Post # 49
    Member
    1935 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @MrsN14:  Wow. My Fiance left his ex for reasons other than infidelity or abuse. She was a raging bitch who was downright rude to him and his friends and family. Don’t paint every divorcee with such a wide brush. People divorce for all sorts of reasons, and many are valid. It doesn’t mean they can’t “stick it out” they just don’t want to spend their life with someone who doesn’t make them happy. 

    And to boot, my Fiance (husband in 9 days) started dating while he was still legally married. Separated and initiating the divorce proceedings, but still hitched. And it turned out pretty damn well for us.

     

    Post # 50
    Member
    3276 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @BlondeBee:  I was saying I personally wouldn’t do it. Those reasons are not valid to me and I’m just saying I wouldn’t be with someone who left someone that I didn’t believe was a valid reason. Everyone has their own opinions of who they’d date. 

    Post # 51
    Member
    7199 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @MrsVMT:  Personally I wouldn’t date someone unless their divorce was at least in process. What is more concerning to me in your sister’s case is the idea that he won’t file for divorce until the ex is in a reationship. So first of all- your sister’s life/relationship is going to be put on hold until the ex gets married? What? What if the ex never falls in love again? Secondly- if the ex is likely to become vengeful with a divorce, why wouldn’t she get jealous and create drama if he’s in a happy relationship while they are still married? It all sounds like bad news.

    Post # 52
    Member
    63 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    If the wife will be vengeful if he files for divorce — won’t she be vengeful when she finds out about the new girlfriend?  Will they have to hide the relationship, or avoid being around his son together, so the wife doesn’t find out?

    Yes, people can be vengeful in divorces, and make things generally nasty, but waiting for her to find someone else… Doesn’t sound right to me.  Having a girlfriend could make things worse for him in the divorce process, too, depending on the state — the wife can then allege infidelity, abandonment, etc.

    Post # 53
    Member
    1935 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @MrsN14:  Making your life miserable is not a valid reason for divorce?

    Hooooo-kayyyy. 

    We all have pasts. If I was worried about my FI’s like that, I wouldn’t get to be a part of his future. Which is a pretty shitty prospect, if you ask me. 

    Post # 54
    Member
    64 posts
    Worker bee

    My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I were both still legally married when we starte dating.. however we had both already filed for our divorces and were going through the legal battles associated with them.  I think in a situation like this the question is more, are you still emotinally hung up on your marriage…. if you are not and for us… both our divorces were long coming… I don’t think it’s wrong.  Three years later we are the happiest we have ever been.  We have purchased a home together and will hopefully be engaged within the next month since my ring is being designed as I type! 

    Now… dating a married man who is still WITH his wife… NOOOOO

    Dating a married man who WON’T file for divorce though is something that is for the woman to decide… if she’s ok with that then fine.  I know of a couple who have been dating 13 years… neither want to get remarried, however the man is still legally married to his ex.  Their children are all grown adults and he has too much to lose if he were to go through a divorce.  He still provides for his ex financially so she is ok, and his Girlfriend of 13 years who is also older, has her days where some of the stuff he does for his ex drive her nuts but that is their personal preferrance. 

     

    Post # 55
    Member
    1480 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    It sounds like a lot o these ladies have never been divorced. They are quick to judge, but haven’t been in that situation. It doesn’t happen overnight, even if your relationship ended overnight.

     

    My divorce was long, drawn out, and very sticky. There was a lot of not rocking the boat on my part to keep from making things worse. You do what you have to do to make your situation work. 

     

    I started dating my husband before my divorce was final, but my marriage was VERY OVER when my first husband assaulted me (and I don’t mean the kind of assault where I got my feelings hurt and blew it out of proportion. I mean he beat me to the point I locked myself in our room and held a butcher knife all night in case he came back for round two). There was no chance of us reconciling. My now husband knew that. My first marriage ended that night. Just because my divorce took months didn’t mean I had to love, honor, or cherish a man that felt ok slamming me to the ground, sitting on top of me, and holding me by the face to repeatedly bash my head on the wood floor. 

     

    So for all you judgy ladies, you don’t know the situation. Maybe this is best sorted out between the couple. 🙂

    Post # 56
    Member
    64 posts
    Worker bee

    @MammaPants:  I am so sorry you had to experience something like that.  It is true though, if people haven’t been there it’s hard to understand.  I too was in an abusive marriage and my marriage was over 6 months before I finally had the courage to leave.  I was ready when my now Boyfriend or Best Friend came into my life to move on and try to pick up the pieces.. even though my divorce was still being finalized.

    Post # 57
    Member
    1480 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    @BlondeBee:  Yeah I was surprised that I got lumped in to couldn’t stick it out. My ex husband beat the crap out of me one night. I was supoosed to stick it out? Lol. I am surprised sometimes how many people jump to conclusions on here…

    Post # 58
    Member
    1480 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    @tarapaul2016:  Don’t be sorry, it worked out for me! My marriage was over for other reasons long before that (mainly that he lied about EVERYTHING…right down to mundane details like what he ate for lunch!) but that night was the push I needed. I felt like of he did it once, he would do it again. I took my cat and enough clothing to get me by and left. I rented a shit hole apartment in the hood, got on my feet and have built myself a wonderful life and haven’t looked back! My current (and best/permanent) husband and I just celebrated our five year anniversary, so I am glad l left (and dated before my divorce was final)!


     I am always so proud when I hear a woman say they left an abusive man. It takes a lot of guts to take that leap.  Good for you, tough cookie!!!

    Post # 59
    Member
    404 posts
    Helper bee

    @tarapaul2016:  I totally understand that.  My ex was abusive, and our marriage was over about five months into it.  I didn’t leave until 18 months in, though.  It took a lot of time to work up courage and save up money!  I didn’t even file for divorce until a couple months ago.  It took months and months to finally get him to sign the papers!

    Post # 60
    Member
    2358 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    @MrsVMT:  I said yes, but then I read that situation and I would say no in that case.  Yes being in process of divorce or legally separated and at the end of the required legal separation (say if it was a year) before able to file for divorce. But “I don’t want to rock the boat” man? No way jose.

    Post # 61
    Member
    115 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I also met Dear Fiance while he was in the process of getting a divorce. She had long moved out and they had an agreement that she was going to be paid x amount of dollars and stayed on his insurance until x date. So, they couldn’t finalize the process until the agreement was fulfiled (2 years total). I had to wait about 15 months for them to finalize their divorce but we were able to build our relationship with no major barriers. I used to say, I’d never date a separated man and I didn’t know he was separated until after the first date. In my case, it was good that I didn’t because I don’t think I would have give him a shot in the first place and I wouldn’t be marrying my best friend in 37 days!

    Anyhow, it all worked out for me. He wasn’t shady about it and kept me posted on the progress the whole time. She really wasn’t in our lives at all during this period so the drama was kept to a minimum. It wasn’t the ideal situation in the world, but it worked out in the end.

    The topic ‘Dating a married man’ is closed to new replies.

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